Help with finding certain types of girls/intimidation of girls.

[donkzilla]

Hey guys and girls, sorry for the wall of text

 

To give you some background;

- I'm 18 and have never had a girlfriend/hook up (well not since i was much, much younger).

- Am currently studying at university.

- To give you more background I'm tall, have an athletic body (play soccer and lift weights 5 times a wk), I have a good sense of humour and can make most people laugh that i meet (including girls). I feel like I'm a nice guy whom anyone can talk, relate to and have a laugh with.

- I have really good morals, hence kind of why I haven't done any of that, but I'm starting to waiver a bit because of my situation.

- I barely go out clubbing etc. because I'm a fitness freak and am always eating good food, exercising etc.

- I'm confident (but in NO WAY cocky, i hate cockiness)

 

Now I'm not sure whether this is true but I'm starting to wonder due to my lack of girl-activity (in the girlfriend department I mean) is due to the fact that maybe they are intimidated by me? I mean, I don't mean to sound cocky but when I'm out and about girls always look at me, check me out and giggle to their friends and act very interested with their eye flirting (in a good way, I hope lol) etc. even some of my mates have noticed this quite alot. Yet alot of girls that I tend to meet seem very shy around me. A perfect example was this girl I was with recently who was helping me out with something at work (she was with her friend). I noticed her friend pointing at her and i and basically implying that she likes me and then as soon as i talk to her she barely even replies. I say hello to her the next day and she just looks at me like she has no idea what the day and time is.

 

Thing is, most of the time (like 99% of the time) girls only actively approach me when I go out to like a club or something and they're drunk. This girl I know was recently in one of her moods (sexually I mean) and she was coming onto me and seemed really surprised that I'd never done anything. See this is my problem, it's like a cycle. I want to find a nice girl with self respect, morals, intelligence, who barely drinks but likes to have fun and whom I can get along with really well. I'm not being stereotypical and saying that all girls that go clubs are bad people, because I know this is in no way true but I'm not a big fan of talking to girls etc. when they're drunk because yea.. they're drunk and not themself. So the cycle is, girls only really approach me and come onto me in clubs when they've had some but never when I'm around university and just out and about and it's starting to get to me. It's not due to the fact that maybe I don't look 'open' or anything for them to talk to me, because I do!!

 

Any ideas??

 

Thanks

[In the Dark]

I'd say they are indeed intimidated by you.

Tall, Athletic.

There is probably an assumption that you have been with women already just by looks alone.

 

There are some of the women you are looking for in the clubs as there are guys like you there but it can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Although it is easier in the clubs as the flirting sort of stuff is expected there in all it's forms.

 

The drunken females who approach you are able to do it because they are drunk.

Dutch courage and 99% of the time people are under the influence at clubs.

 

It much harder to find someone to date outside of a place like that but it doe happen.

Just comes down to circumstance and luck rather than expectation and alcohol.

 

You may have to be a little bit more active is seeking someone out in a different social environment and build up courage to do so.

You have plenty of time to do that though and it is something which can take a while for some to get the hang of.\

 

Best of luck.

[vacation]

You're in school so you'll have plenty of opportunities to meet your kind of girls. Just stay focused doing whatever you do, gym, school, extra curriculars. Keep in mind however that even though girls are approaching you much of the leg work will have to be initiated by YOU. University is filled with girls who just want to have fun so finding a girl that isn't that is going to take some work and heavy patience. Good luck to you.

[Celadon]

Girls are probably intimidated by you based on what you shared about your physical appearance and confidence. My question is, are you expecting them to approach you, or do you also approach them? I think the type of girl you want to date -- self-respecting, modest, etc. -- won't approach you. She'll wait for you to approach. She may make eye contact, but she won't up and walk over to you and strike up a conversation. She'll think it's the man's responsibility to initiate. You seem like a decent guy ... so if you're looking for a decent girl, why not try other avenues, like volunteering or playing a co-ed group sport?

[donkzilla]

Girls are probably intimidated by you based on what you shared about your physical appearance and confidence. My question is, are you expecting them to approach you, or do you also approach them? I think the type of girl you want to date -- self-respecting, modest, etc. -- won't approach you. She'll wait for you to approach. She may make eye contact, but she won't up and walk over to you and strike up a conversation. She'll think it's the man's responsibility to initiate. You seem like a decent guy ... so if you're looking for a decent girl, why not try other avenues, like volunteering or playing a co-ed group sport?

 

Thanks K8tie I do try to approach them at times, like a perfect example was the other day. I catch a train to uni at a certain time and I always see this really cute girl (catches the same train) who seems really nice and I just think she's absolutely gorgeous!! Previous times we would both look at eachother and she would play with her hair - so it seemed like she was interested, so I thought to myself 'I'm gonna go for it next time.' The next time I saw her she looked at me again, so I decided to make a move when we got on the train. I attempted to, I sat relatively close to her (not stalkerish though lol) and she just seemed to look NOWHERE NEAR my direction, she had her ipod in and her hair was covering her face while she looked to her right the whole time (as I was on her left), so basically I couldn't do anything unless I wanted to start yelling at her haha. I found it really odd considering that we would always look at eachother with no problem but as soon as I tried to talk to her she seemed so shy and wouldn't even look in my direction

 

I agree with you In the Dark. I think they probably assume I have a girlfriend or maybe they feel I wouldn't be interested in them. I'm not like that though, I would never date a girl based entirely on looks as I've mentioned previously. Is the general consensus that if a guy is physically tall, athletic and is confident that they have obviously hooked up with 20 girls and had another 20 gf's or something? Can someone honestly tell me?!?

 

I'm not one for going out clubbing etc. as mentioned before, it's not really my scene, I'd prefer to go out to dinner or something on a fri night. Thing is, if this cycle continues I may have to try my luck there even if alcohol is a major, major influence which is disappointing because it just doesn't feel right.

[GhostRocket]

Like vacation said, just keep your head focused on school and what not. There are plenty of girls there and your time will come sooner rather than later. Oh and don't resort to going to clubs and hoping you'll find someone there. Clubs are the worst places to meet people. They are loud, dark, and alcohol can be an influence. You seem like a good person with good intentions from what you've told us. Trust me, your university is the best place to meet a girl. And you'll get an opportunity sooner or later. All you have to do is strike up a conversation.

[elcie]

It seems to be a sad fact for both sexes that the more attracted you are to someone, the harder it is to be relaxed around them. That could account for girls not making eye contact, being tongue-tied and looking the other way when you are near them.

 

The best way to meet the sort of girl that you want to be with is at university or maybe some other extra curricular group where you can get to know girls as friends first.

[agent1607307371]

Do you ever meet any women through your athletic activities? They might be easier to get interest from as they share your interests already and understand it. (And are probably around tall, muscular guys more and so are less intimidated by it.)

[donkzilla]

Do you ever meet any women through your athletic activities? They might be easier to get interest from as they share your interests already and understand it. (And are probably around tall, muscular guys more and so are less intimidated by it.)

 

I actually don't meet girls through athletic activities, I play football (soccer) and yeah.. Sounds good anyway, I guess it will come, but it kind of gets to you, when you know that girls do find you attractive but you struggle to get involved with them I guess the wait will be worth it, the girl I do make my girlfriend eventually will surely be an awesome and beautiful girl

[Thorshammer]

You sound like me, I was getting hit on by pretty girls when i was in high school and i would curl into a ball. I didnt lose my virginity until i was 23, then in those 5 years after i made up for it. Now my cousins call me Don Juan. What i did in that time, was i hit up myspace (which is now facebook). I was too shy, but facebook and aim doesnt make you shy. My last ex was with my for 3 years and i met her off myspace.

 

Otherwise man up and approach girls. You WILL get rejected, and it will ruin your mood, but keep doing it. We all get rejected, at some point you will have confidence and it will shine through.

[donkzilla]

You sound like me, I was getting hit on by pretty girls when i was in high school and i would curl into a ball. I didnt lose my virginity until i was 23, then in those 5 years after i made up for it. Now my cousins call me Don Juan. What i did in that time, was i hit up myspace (which is now facebook). I was too shy, but facebook and aim doesnt make you shy. My last ex was with my for 3 years and i met her off myspace.

 

Otherwise man up and approach girls. You WILL get rejected, and it will ruin your mood, but keep doing it. We all get rejected, at some point you will have confidence and it will shine through.

 

Well in school I had confidence issues like alot of people do around like year 10, 11 and 12, so I didn't get hit on because I was like a turtle in his shell. Then as soon as I left school I changed alot as a person and I'm much more confident these days. I have facebook but i disagree, I think it's a poor way of meeting girls because people act completely different online to real life. PLUS people look different from photos as well. Yeah cheers bro, I think if these girls can't approach me, I'll have to be the one doing the approaching.

[garibaldi1]

I think the approaching thing is literally the key mate. I go to uni myself and was less confident at school compared with now, similar to yourself. The way you've described how you look obviously doesn't lead to the assumption the girls in the club are looking at you and thinking 'actually nah not my type'! it's because they're scared of being rejected coupled with the fact a guy is often expected to make the first move...especially if they appear tall and confident (pretty imposing). So yeah just go for it as others have said.

 

One thing I would add which is slightly different to other answers is this; at uni yeah clubs etc are a good way to meet people, but of course you don't like the whole drunken factor. Maybe though if you are out at a few bars where girls aren't drunk but starting the night you could pluck up the courage to get speaking to one or two and rather than carry on the night out until the point at which they're really hammered...if you fancy them you could get their number and meet up with them at some point when they're sober, thus kind of bringing together an easy way to meet people with avoiding the drunken thing (to an extent).

[Thorshammer]

Well in school I had confidence issues like alot of people do around like year 10, 11 and 12, so I didn't get hit on because I was like a turtle in his shell. Then as soon as I left school I changed alot as a person and I'm much more confident these days. I have facebook but i disagree, I think it's a poor way of meeting girls because people act completely different online to real life. PLUS people look different from photos as well. Yeah cheers bro, I think if these girls can't approach me, I'll have to be the one doing the approaching.

 

I never realized anyone acting different online to in-person, I mean it is words, thats why you get their phone number and hear what the are about. And considering facebook is usually people in your social circle anyway, you should have already seen them as exhanged words at one point. I add people my friends introduce me to, or I add people my friends know that were there at that bar that day and I just send a comment saying, "hey, werent you at so and so bar?" Plus you might be able to see their status if they are single or not. If you meet someone completely brand new, then yeah, you wont know if they look like exactly like their pics (thats why you make sure then have recent pics, and a lot of pics), but even then you arent commiting anything. But, going up to someone is best, you rely on online too much then it becomes your only way to meet people, and you never get the confidence that you get from going up to someone and starting from scratch.

[donkzilla]

Ohhhhh I thought u meant adding people straight out. Yeah dw I do the same thing. Whenever I go out and I meet new people, after I get to know them a certain amount I'll generally ask if they have FB. So I do agree with you there, miscommunication