The Shy Story- Calling all Shy and/or "Nice" Guys!

[NMF1978]

You certainly had i rough blades but all in all your post has very little to do with the topic discussed here.

[NMF1978]

the way you are repeating yourself makes me think you and the topic-starter have the same agenda (a cours in PUA perhaps?)

 

anyway, i'm against taking initiative, if i want something, if i really get to meet a woman i find worthwile i will do that but when a woman automatically expects a man to do all the chasing and so on then thats a turn off for me and i probably loose intrest rather quickly

[Flyingpiglet]

As a women... I have to say I honestly can't recall making the 'first move' as such.

But I do try to make it pretty obvious with eye contact/body language if I see someone I'm interested in etc. Which is fine if the initial meeting has taken place in a bar or something.... Quite a different story if its just a matter of crossed paths! Plus I always want to rush home and throw on some nicer clothes and a bit of make-up lol.

[ClarenceRutherford]

the way you are repeating yourself makes me think you and the topic-starter have the same agenda (a cours in PUA perhaps?)

No. Far from it, as I posted earlier in this very thread:

Like the OP, I too was shy and unconfident.

 

Would let opportunities pass me by or be oblivious to women's expressed non-verbal interest.

...

Wasn't a player nor a pickup artist and haven't really read their material until I came to these boards.

In my mid-20s, saw others around me dating and enjoying sex and relationships, yet here I was off to the side, seemingly something "wrong" with me.

 

I applaud the OP. He didn't have to post this and most of what he posted I didn't do when I was single.

A naturally shy and unconfident guy, lots of those things he recommends might have appeared scary to me too.

Never "played" women.

Never "used" them as sex objects to satisfy my strong lust...

 

God... how many regrets I have...

Looking back, see so many missed opportunities where I didn't pick up the signals (they were so willing, but didn't see it) or said no to a woman who literally offered her body to me...

 

As I stated, I wasn't much different from you shy guys and lived like a "semi-virgin" through my horrible 20s, though I did seize some opportunities and got all of 2 all-too-brief and unsatisfying sexual acts @25....

 

So don't go tellin' me I'm some kind of PUA or trying to sell such a program.

I too was scared of doing such things but realized you have to change some things if you wanna go anywhere in life. This includes career as well.

 

anyway, i'm against taking initiative, if i want something, if i really get to meet a woman i find worthwile i will do that but when a woman automatically expects a man to do all the chasing and so on then thats a turn off for me and i probably loose intrest rather quickly

Then expect that to be your downfall. Most women won't approach you.

You can debate that all you want here but you'll be wasting your time. That woman's post shows that.

 

The OP stated he wasn't a player either and was more like you and I.

 

So what's a better plan?

The OP, me and who knows who sitting around here posting how we wish women would make some moves...

....or ....

acknowledging it likely won't happen and begin to make some needed changes to actually find a woman you could fall in love with?

 

 

If you're happy with remaining single and dateless, then by all means ignore what others say and stick to your rut and never leave your "comfort zone."

[NMF1978]

 

Then expect that to be your downfall. Most women won't approach you.

You can debate that all you want here but you'll be wasting your time. That woman's post shows that.

 

The OP stated he wasn't a player either and was more like you and I.

 

So what's a better plan?

The OP, me and who knows who sitting around here posting how we wish women would make some moves...

....or ....

acknowledging it likely won't happen and begin to make some needed changes to actually find a woman you could fall in love with?

 

 

If you're happy with remaining single and dateless, then by all means ignore what others say and stick to your rut and never leave your "comfort zone."

 

i actually ment to say that i'm NOT against taking initiative but under the right circumstances (for someone i find really special etc) and not because it is expected of me as a man

[NMF1978]

As a women... I have to say I honestly can't recall making the 'first move' as such.

But I do try to make it pretty obvious with eye contact/body language if I see someone I'm interested in etc.

 

this is lost on the vast majority of men because it can be interpreted in various different ways, it certainly is lost on me

[Iloveshyguys]

This is extremely sad AND extremely beautiful!

 

I don't know HOW you survived these things, but somehow you did. And you're still sane and intelligent, and on here just trying to help out other people.

 

I like what you said--I wish everyone would just be themselves from the start. The even more important lessons that shy guys can take from your story are to be resilient and to never give up. Maybe the first few girls they ask out will say no, but if they can stay hopeful and keep on trying ...

 

If you can live through all of that, then dealing with a few rejections might just seem not so difficult and terrible.

 

Rather than fiction, why not write your autobiography? And if you ever decide to write a screenplay--write the one of your life story. It would be a seriously amazing and inspirational movie.

[Blades86]

Thanks Iloveshyguys. To be honest, I don't know how I survived everything either but I believe it was Jessica's love that pulled me through. I used to call her Angel Girl and that's exactly what she was for me. Rachel helped a lot too and it was her that helped me 'rediscover' myself again. I couldn't have did it without her and she will always have a place in my heart along with Jessica. Having Mandy now helps. She has turned my life around and she has given me a reason to smile. She believes in me, she gives me strength, confidence and I have the ability to write again. I know the love she has given me is rare and I am never going to take her heart for granted. I am going to cherish every moment I spend with her from now on and I want to make her feel the same way she makes me feel when we are together.

 

Mandy has suggested I write an autobiograpy too and I am considering it but I want to establish myself as a fiction writer before I do that. I want to enjoy my life with Mandy at the moment and not rehash too many old feelings. There are still memories that make me cry and after making love to Mandy for the first time the other night I cried because I felt guilty about it but then I thought about it and I realised Jessica wouldn't have wanted me to feel that way. Mandy is kind, intelligent, beautiful, altruistic, funny and she has a heart the size of an ocean. Those were the qualities that attracted me to Jessica too and I know she would want me to be happy. I’m always going to love Jessica because she was the first girl I gave my heart to but I have enough room inside for Mandy too.

[SunWorshipper]

Hi Vacation,

 

Greast post.. I am glad your journey has been triumphant, with all it's interesting and challenging ups and downs.

 

I especially agree that:

 

look around on the forums and read all the threads from women who are complaining that they are constantly giving guy's "the eye" and yet the guy still won't approach them

 

- fortunately, despite months of dealing with a guy who was too shy to approach (plus a whole other complicated situation he was in that needs a new thread so I won't include it here!), he finally approached, but he left such large gaps between attempts at communicating that I gave up more than once because I thought he was just never going to be able to get out of his shell enough - and this may sound harsh, but I am shy too & I broke my barriers and approached him.. anyway, progress is finally happening now, thank God but to shy guys reading this: YOU SHOULD NEVER THINK: "She's out of my league" - we DO love the sweet guys who make original comments (well, I do - can't speak for everybody) and the predictable players do make the barriers go straight up, so don't try to emulate their routine whatever you do, just be yourself! But you HAVE to DO more than stare and hope! God, I love you shy guys, I really get you but you need to communicate..! There's no getting away from it & as long as you're not measuring her physical assets in a superficial manner and are serious about her as a person too, she will sense this and if she's decent she WILL give you the time of day.

 

Stop taking life so seriously and learn to love to make mistakes because if it weren't for mistakes we would never learn

- thought it doesn't sum up everything, its still a good statement to keep handy this!

 

I would add though: every guy is different and you need to find what works for you and neither guys nor ladies can forget that we don't always know what somebody else's situation is, it could be a lot more complicated, hence why you might not get a shy guy approach you straight away - my guy, eg, was still 'involved' with another girl who he had been in a bad relationship with and it took him a while to completely be free of her and tie up any loose ends as part of 'unfinished business', so give him a chance if he seems to be taking too long about it all - don't lose heart or hope is what I'm saying because body language DOES go a long way, as Vacation has said, to communicating a continued interest but I do have to say this - verbal communication IS equally important too, not in the sense of saying 'the right thing' - Vacation is right about tone and intonation etc, but you gotta SPEAK! And if the first conversation goes a bit rubbish, you gotta retry if you know she likes you but you just didn't hit it off.. if she's not interested, trust your gut feelings and back off - obviously beware of turning in to a stalker if she's giving clear: back off signals, but eg with my guy, he had to try several times + Im not daft, I could see he was struggling and he was smart enough to recognise that the only time I really lost interest was when I thought he just wasn't going to do anything about it, not because he tried and bored me or didn't 'impress' me or anything like that. I don't think that way but it was important he didn't leave it too long between tries, even if it was to say: "I've got some **it going on Im having a hard time sorting out" - that directness and honesty and not leaving me in the dark meant the world to me.. remember that, if you're in a bad relationship, want to get out and know you've met the girl who will make you happy who feels the same way about you..! My guy nearly lost me, so pleeease, HEED THIS!

 

One other thing Vacation: it's not true that a therapist can't help you with these things:

 

This is a journey only you can take and no therapist can help you with.

 

I am one and I've helped lots of people with exactly what you're talking about! Everyone has different ways of finding what works for them, what helps as well as being self-motivated and taking decisive proactive steps, so don't dismiss the therapists!

[vacation]

I was gone away for work so wasn't able to check this site in a while so I'm in the process of catching up with all the private messages and notifications. Thank you for those that have been patient.

 

Now onto some answers,

 

 

 

The feminist class you studied is about equal rights for women at work, in society, and politics. It has nothing to do with attraction. Having the right to vote or equal opportunities for career advancement do not lead to sexual confidence. Attraction and feminist movements are not related.

 

Regarding your "aggressive Approach." Approaches are never aggressive unless you are pressuring them to do something they do not feel comfortable - and that is against the law. You are not undermining them - you are empowering them. You are presenting yourself to a woman by showing interest and ultimately leaving her to make the choice.

 

 

 

Firstly Welcome to the forum.

 

Secondly, you're looking wayyy too much into this. It sounds like you read wayy too much pick up theory to know the "techniques" and "definitions" of words without actually understanding it. What I'm teaching you is not to manipulate women but to be genuine and confident. I'm actually quite surprised you listed "confidence" as a pick up technique. Since when do you not need confidence to do anything?

 

I'm not telling people to go out and use canned openers or cheesy pick up lines. Pick up is not about using lines or "techniques." No. It's about confidence in yourself and the mindset to succeed. No matter what lines or acts you do if they are not genuine women will be repelled. My goal when creating this thread wasn't to make guys Pick up artists but to get them to experience some of the anxieties they dread and realize that it's not as bad as your mind makes it out to be. Eg. Fear of rejection, limiting beliefs about looks, career, etc... Too many people out there crippled by these anxieties that they are afraid to look at people.

 

Instead of looking into everything I say with a microscope just try to understand "why" (it works) for a second. Going out and actually approaching 1 woman will teach you more than the the countless DVDs you buy or books you read about pick up techniques.

 

kino (touch) - Touching people makes them feel comfortable. If you think that's solely a pick up technique you really need to make some friends. Look around, why is that friends give each other hugs? kisses on the cheek? Human contact is essential to our survival. Look up Harry Harlow's experiment with monkeys.

 

 

 

Antenna, how much longer are you going to wait to actually TRY approaching women? You say you're not desperate or downtrodden enough yet you've spent tens of hours reading pick up material and even venturing onto this site to read all the articles here. Can you honestly say you've put the same amount of time into actually approaching/interacting with women face to face? I doubt it.

 

Since Day 1 my message has been simple: Go out and TRY & conquer those limiting beliefs. Look at my signature. Guys on this board fail because they don't try. I'm here to teach you and offer my experience, advice, and knowledge to push you over obstacles. Guys have sent me numerous pm's and I've responded to them with advice regardless of their situation without judging them or anything. Those same limiting beliefs that hold you back with women are the ones that are holding you back with your career and general life.

[OahuGrown808]

@Vacation

 

The class actually focused heavily on the gender roles that societal pressures place on all of us from a young age. For example, baby girls are often given the color pink to represent their gender, while boys are given blue. Girls are given domestically oriented toys such as dolls and playhouses while boys are given toy guns and action figures. Even the names "doll" and "ACTION figure" are evidence of these gender roles. The whole system is designed to have men be ACTIVE and women be PASSIVE. Yes, they have a right, legally, to make whatever decision they want. However, my point was that by being the agressor we are simply perpetuating these notions. Now, women may love to be pursued by men; this sure seems to be the case be it that women hardly ever initiate with men. But I'm not really commenting on "attraction" like you mentioned above; I believe that attraction is something primal that would be hard to unpack here in this forum. Rather, I'm more concerned with the process by which relationships begin. Women don't initiate because somewhere down the line they were told not to, either directly or by how they were raised. In this way, feminism, which has a lot to do with sexual freedom, is completely relevant to what you've been saying. I'm sure you are giving some good advice here, but I'd just like you to understand where my hang-up is with the whole male-chase-female approach.

[vacation]

Consider back in the 1800s when women had 0 rights to where they are today - this is all thanks to the feminine movement which has pushed for equality and have gotten as far as they are today over that 200 year period. And even now women still push for equal rights. This is going to continue happening even after we die and the change that comes from it is going to be gradual at best and definitely not noticeable enough to impact our lives. So the women you deal with today are going to filled with the same worry's that society has instilled in her and trying to recondition 25 years of her life is near impossible. Looking at today, majority of women look for men to lead especially in the preliminary stages....(choosing the location for the date, making the first move, etc. etc...) The women from your generation and my generation have been programmed the same way by society and this is what's called social conditioning. She expects you to make decisions thinking of her in mind so if you pick a truck stop as the diner choice then she probably can see that you're a pretty selfish guy. Every action you take reveals a part of your character.

 

Social conditioning is our perception of the "normal" behaviour accepted by people interacting within that social group. This is determined by cultural, religious, and various institutions (church, school, etc...) that dictate the appropriate behaviour by members in society. Acting out of the so-called "norm" and all of a sudden you are subject to being judged and perceived negatively by society. Eg. Wh0re, ho, $lut etc... These names are used by society to shun, label, and judge people which is wrong.

 

Girls are soo afraid of being judged or labelled as the "wh0re" that they would rather not make a move at all then risk being labelled and chastised by all her colleagues. So this is something that is hardwired into all women's mind. If things are moving too fast they will stop you because this is their "anti-$lut defense (ASD)" and don't want to be used by a guy for 1 night and never be heard of again. Women may carry around a unfriendly attitude when you first meet them because this too is a form of their ASD. It's a brick wall they put up meant only for guys who are willing to go the whole 9 yards and show they really want it.

 

My advice to you is this....instead of waiting for her to make the first move which she isn't. Go and make the first move and through your interactions make her realize that it's okay for her to act any way she wants in front of you. Shape her by using positive language to make her feel more comfortable around you and when she does - DON'T judge her for it. I always tell guys, whenever a girl reveals a part about herself that in itself is a huge step for her to feel comfortable with you so reward her for it. "I really like the fact that both me and you can be really upfront and honest with each other without feeling like we're being judged" That will invite her to feel more comfortable about revealing more intimate things and building a deeper connection.

[Antenna]

Firstly Welcome to the forum.

 

Secondly, you're looking wayyy too much into this. It sounds like you read wayy too much pick up theory to know the "techniques" and "definitions" of words without actually understanding it. What I'm teaching you is not to manipulate women but to be genuine and confident. I'm actually quite surprised you listed "confidence" as a pick up technique. Since when do you not need confidence to do anything?

 

Thank you for welcoming me.

 

Yes I did read a lot of PUA material and there are a variety of interpretations of it. A minority interpret PUA as natural game. As by my estimate, natural game PUAs are by far the minority so I usually assume any PUA is one of the majority, but if you disagree with the methods of the mainstream, maybe I have misjudged you.

 

kino (touch) - Touching people makes them feel comfortable. If you think that's solely a pick up technique you really need to make some friends. Look around, why is that friends give each other hugs? kisses on the cheek? Human contact is essential to our survival. Look up Harry Harlow's experiment with monkeys.

 

I don't know where you live, but I can only imagine that it must be culturally different from here (Ontario, Canada). The last stranger I touched was a handshake a day ago and before that it was a long time. The last time I touched a casual friend would have been maybe 5 months? Close friend? Probably a few years.

 

Antenna, how much longer are you going to wait to actually TRY approaching women? You say you're not desperate or downtrodden enough yet you've spent tens of hours reading pick up material and even venturing onto this site to read all the articles here. Can you honestly say you've put the same amount of time into actually approaching/interacting with women face to face? I doubt it.

 

Tens of hours would probably be a conservative estimate, it is something I not infrequently read late at night before sleep. And yes, you would be accurate in saying I'm not the most socially involved person.

 

Who knows, maybe I can change, but I don't think it will be as easy as people say.

[SometimesShy]

My gay male friends hug all the time. ( seems like the norm in the gay world ) My straight male friends rarely hug, it's always a handshake or a pat on the shoulder.

[vacation]

Antenna, my advice to you is simple. Stay away from the PUA material. I'll tell you that from experience. If you're just starting out then there's so much stuff on there that will just mess with your head and make things more complicated then they need to be. When you are talking to somebody instead of just enjoying the conversation you'll be looking for "techniques" or things to say to her to try to DHV and all that BS but reality is you just need to be yourself and accept that. Once you own who you are and stay true to yourself, talking to and picking up females part becomes easy and you automatically start doing all the "techniques" the PUA's talk about. That's what confidence is.

 

One area PUA theory can help you out is if you get stuck or plateau with your approaches. Once you've made consecutive attempts and keep getting the same results you can resort to material and the relevant stuff will make sense because trying to learn all the material at once without practicing will just be overwhelming and hurt your confidence more than building it.

 

The North American culture is a very touchy feely culture. You can be "hands on" within minutes of meeting a woman. It just depends on creating the right circumstances and establishing a smooth escalation. Again, you learn this with practice. Don't try hugging a girl or touching her face within minutes of meeting her but hands (high 5's), light shoulder/arm taps, and once you can build more connections you can escalate further.

 

 

 

Nobody said it was easy. For me, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I mentioned that in my OP. But you wanna know the hardest part of the journey? It was committing myself to finally start it after months of reading forums, internet, and watching friends and others live life the way I wanted to. There's going to bumps and bruises but you just have to persevere.

 

Let me know if you have any q's

[resilient7]

I saw this girl at my job that I had often seen before and thought about approaching her but kinda lost my courage to do so.So I just helped her out with she needed and went on my way.I then happened to see her while I went outside to get in my car and go get some lunch and she was 2 cars away from mine so I thought "Oh perfect",first of I just wanted to pay her a compliment and that's all...after all I have only once approached a girl my entire life as I always get approached by women.So I go up to her and said "excuse me" and as she turns towards me she happens to be on her phone and so I just tell her I wanted to ask her something but she kinda gives me this look like she smelled a fart or something and sorta nods that I wait.......I waited while she giggled and spoke to whomever it was she was talking to for 2min,2 minutes is along time I soon found out,I was standing there and let me tell you I felt crummy until I just figured she was trying to tell me to bug off and I told her "I'm sorry to bother you" and I left.

 

Let me first say that I am a conventionally good looking guy and have even modeled in the past,trust me I didn't like the scene but It was easy money so I did it for a while.I now understand every guy out there how they feel that women won't give them a chance,Jesus I just wanted to pay this girl a compliment and she totally blew me off...I don't know what was so hard about giving 4 min of her time? I am not hateful towards women and still find them fascinating but give a guy a break,I surely will never try that again,not for me.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Resilient,

TBH, that's just one girl.

So she was distracted by her phone call and rudely ignored you. Stuff happens.

 

You did right approaching her. Don't feel you wasted your time.

She should see the interest.

Don't keep approaching her. By lessening overt interest, you may instead "pull" her toward you.

 

Keep approaching others and eventually, you'll land someone.

[resilient7]

Thanks CR but that really sucked,ha.I'm all smiles now and am actually chuckling right now when I think about what happened yesterday but at the same time that stings,ouch.I really feel like it's a no win for guys trying to approach women unless they give them some kind of sign.I have to admit though,I find it humorous now but come the day where I see her again (and I will,no doubt) I will feel a wee bit embarrassed like,"Oh what was I thinking".

[NMF1978]

Resilient,

Keep approaching others and eventually, you'll land someone.

 

 

not everybody has the stomach to approach dozens of woman in the hope of landing a single one, besides i can't see how such a low succes % can give satisfaction to anyone

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by ClarenceRutherford

Shy guys,

Take a look at this posting. This woman, who says she used to be a man-chaser, she posts how she actually wants guys to pursue her.

On the other hand (again), this:

 

]

So?

Some women feel uncomfortable with guys approaching them.

 

We're not talking about "stalking" a woman you see in the store out to her car at night..... Nothing creepy in what we recommend...

You keep bringing that thread up when it doesn't really have much bearing on this topic.

[ClarenceRutherford]

not everybody has the stomach to approach dozens of woman in the hope of landing a single one, besides i can't see how such a low succes % can give satisfaction to anyone

It isn't about finding satisfaction in the act of asking women out.

 

Do you really think a state trooper feels great having to tell a woman her husband died in a car accident?

Or that a judge "enjoys" sentencing a 16 y.o. to life in prison for murdering his parents?

No, but it's the job they must do.

 

How you get there and find the woman you could spend your life with, it isn't always so pleasant.

Dating is a pain. Most hate dating and all the things you have to do (and $$) to land a good partner.

 

Guys have to approach women as women traditionally don't do the initiating, though they may send signals.

So take rejections with stride and move on to the next.

Thanks CR but that really sucked,ha.I'm all smiles now and am actually chuckling right now when I think about what happened yesterday but at the same time that stings,ouch.I really feel like it's a no win for guys trying to approach women unless they give them some kind of sign.I have to admit though,I find it humorous now but come the day where I see her again (and I will,no doubt) I will feel a wee bit embarrassed like,"Oh what was I thinking".

Yes, imagine it did smart. Have myself done similar things and got ignored.

 

Once asked a woman out shortly after meeting her at church. A relative who was with me at the church later told me that woman was "offended" I asked her out so soon.

She was this radio deejay, so thought she'd be used to guys asking her out.

 

No biggie. Just shrugged it off and didn't think I'd done anything wrong as guys ask girls out like that all the time.

 

TBH, didn't really make many "cold calls" like that (can only remember 3-4), but felt I had to do something as was getting old and unlucky with love.... So I know where you guys are comin' from.

 

May I recommend you take a gander at some of the tips found in this thread:

Help for those who can't get dates in their late 20s, 30s and 40s

Perhaps the information there could help guys like you.

[NMF1978]

It isn't about finding satisfaction in the act of asking women out.

 

Do you really think a state trooper feels great having to tell a woman her husband died in a car accident?

Or that a judge "enjoys" sentencing a 16 y.o. to life in prison for murdering his parents?

No, but it's the job they must do.

 

How you get there and find the woman you could spend your life with, it isn't always so pleasant.

Dating is a pain. Most hate dating and all the things you have to do (and $$) to land a good partner.

 

Guys have to approach women as women traditionally don't do the initiating, though they may send signals.

So take rejections with stride and move on to the next.

 

Terrible advice, first i hate this "this is how it is, just accept it" well if everybody always thinks like this nothing ever changes and second your comparisons suck because dating is supposed to be something you can get some satisfaction out of otherwise what would be the point? Nobody pursues anything when they ain't getting anything out of it so your advice to all these guys to just keep on approaching dozens and dozens of women, eventually you'll find someone is just setting up a lot of men for a lot of rejections and heardache

[ClarenceRutherford]

Terrible advice, first i hate this "this is how it is, just accept it" well if everybody always thinks like this nothing ever changes and second your comparisons suck because dating is supposed to be something you can get some satisfaction out of otherwise what would be the point?

Do you seriously enjoy job searches?

 

Esp. when you were unemployed, as I once was.

 

You mean to tell me that was fun?

 

Writing and emailing companies, making cold calls, going on interviews, meeting people at the networking meetings, etc.

Losing out on jobs to someone else, applying to more companies and finding they've picked an inside the co. candidate or someone younger than you.

 

Your time and patience runs thin as your bank account goes lower....

You run the AC/heat more efficient, to save money.

It's a struggle to put gas in the car so you pass-up on the buffet at the nice restaurant and instead go for fast-food chicken....

 

Was job searching something you got a lot of personal satisfaction out of?

 

Then why'd you do it?

The end result.

 

 

Nobody pursues anything when they ain't getting anything out of it

 

so your advice to all these guys to just keep on approaching dozens and dozens of women, eventually you'll find someone is just setting up a lot of men for a lot of rejections and heardache

Setting them up for rejections and heartache?

 

That's the real world, NMF! We wish it weren't so, but many girls are gonna say no.

That's a fact.

 

Still, it would somehow be better to not risk rejection (don't ask many out) and hope they come to you?

[vacation]

I saw this girl at my job that I had often seen before and thought about approaching her but kinda lost my courage to do so.So I just helped her out with she needed and went on my way.

 

Why didn't you approach her here like your heart really wanted to.

 

Women pick up on these things and she could sense your fear just by you being there and helping her. If you really thought she was pretty and wanted to get to know her you would've asked her there instead of procrastinating. Yea I guess you were working up the courage but to her its you lingering around and creepy. If you don't approach a girl within the first 3 seconds of both your eyes locking you've practically killed your chances.

 

Think about it....if you saw the ugliest ogre looking girl in the world on the bus every day on your way to work sneaking peeks at you and then finally one day she eventually told you she wanted you, would you not be scared? Would you not think she's a stalker?

 

You should've approached her while you were helping her...with whatever that was.

 

I then happened to see her while I went outside to get in my car and go get some lunch and she was 2 cars away from mine so I thought "Oh perfect",first of I just wanted to pay her a compliment and that's all...after all I have only once approached a girl my entire life as I always get approached by women.So I go up to her and said "excuse me" and as she turns towards me she happens to be on her phone and so I just tell her I wanted to ask her something but she kinda gives me this look like she smelled a fart or something and sorta nods that I wait.......I waited while she giggled and spoke to whomever it was she was talking to for 2min,2 minutes is along time I soon found out,I was standing there and let me tell you I felt crummy until I just figured she was trying to tell me to bug off and I told her "I'm sorry to bother you" and I left.

 

Did you JUST want to pay her a compliment or did you want to pay her a compliment with the intention of sleeping with her? Thank about that.

 

Compliments are meant to be genuine - something you give without anything in return. She turned around and who knows maybe she did smell fart or maybe she didn't. That could've just been her normal facial expression but you perceiving it to be something else. You don't know her so how can you be so sure?

 

Guaranteed if this girl hadn't seen you before she would've ended her conversation or put the person on hold to talk to you. You killed the intrigue by meeting her before and not making a move when that was your chance.

 

Let me first say that I am a conventionally good looking guy and have even modeled in the past,trust me I didn't like the scene but It was easy money so I did it for a while.

 

I hope all guys are reading this. Just goes to show looks don't matter. No matter how good/bad looking you are it has little effects.

 

P.S - What was the age range of the girl?

 

Some girl's are just stuck up and walk around like they are owed something from everybody. These superficial girls hear compliments from every guy and from the time they are of age they are conditioned that their good looks give them a free pass to all bars, clubs, and any event and are taught that normal rules don't apply to them. Every day of their lives they are told they are beautiful or attractive by 5 different guys who think that by complimenting her is the way to win her heart and woo her. These guys also shower her with free gifts, clothes, limitless credit card, and passes to the latest attractions. They don't have to work for anything because they've never heard the word "no" from anybody when they asked them to do something.

 

^sounds like the type of girl you were going after.

[vacation]

not everybody has the stomach to approach dozens of woman in the hope of landing a single one, besides i can't see how such a low succes % can give satisfaction to anyone

 

Do you care more about your success rate or finding the woman of your dreams who you want to spend the rest of your life with?

 

What you call success rate, I call ego.

 

You don't want to approach because it affects your success rate and you're afraid of reducing it. How is that any different from the @$$hole guy who snubs people because he feels he's better than them?

 

"Happiness doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections."

 

And coincidentally there is an inverse correlation between your success rate and the actual success with women. True fact!

 

Terrible advice, first i hate this "this is how it is, just accept it" well if everybody always thinks like this nothing ever changes and second your comparisons suck because dating is supposed to be something you can get some satisfaction out of otherwise what would be the point? Nobody pursues anything when they ain't getting anything out of it so your advice to all these guys to just keep on approaching dozens and dozens of women, eventually you'll find someone is just setting up a lot of men for a lot of rejections and heardache

 

Dating is fun if you take a chance. The advice I'm giving guys is to approach women they are attracted to. Start learning to listen to yourself - your mind, emotions, and needs. Which means, when you see a girl and are attracted to her - act on that emotion instead of suppressing it.

 

Realize that you will get rejected and that it's a part of life. Yes, I'm telling guys to approach a dozen attractive women because you learn something from each of those approaches.

 

Women want a man that is strong enough emotionally to take care of them. They understand that they get moody and may have demands that are unreasonable at times. They want a man that understands them in a way that he calms them down and is exercises patience to keep them happy. A guy that's going to be there in the morning; somebody who can lighten the mood when she's feeling depressed instead of yelling at her and barging out of the house because he can't handle it anymore.

 

How do you expect a woman to be with you knowing that you are so afraid of something as meaningless as rejection? If you can't handle rejection how would you handle some of the true problems couples face in their marriages like infertility, death, or miscarriages etc...? How can she come to you for comfort if you are more emotionally torn apart than she is during the difficult parts of your marriages?