Can this be saved??

[edougale]

This is part of a post that I posted to another thread:

edougale

Novice

 

 

 

Joined: 03 Aug 2004

Posts: 5

 

 

My ex and I have broken up and gone back together about 5 times. It's always good in the beginning but all the old patterns, hurts, resentments seem to creep back in. Then we are back to square one. We have now been apart for about a year and a half and my ex has moved on and has been seeing someone else for about 6 months. I wanted to get back together since we had spent so much time apart and I realized all my wrongs (and his, too) and asked myself a zillion times, "Why didn't we go for counseling and try to really work on the problems?" I thought it would work this time if we could get back together but like I said, he is already wrapped up in someone else and it is tearing my heart out. He lives a few doors down from me so I have easy access to him and I do pop over about once a week to "talk". He said he does still love me since we spent YEARS together and went through alot but it was time to move on since he said if it didn't work out after 5 tries, it never would. This is killing me. I want him back so bad. I know he may look all the more appealing to me now that he has someone else but I don't think so entirely. I wanted him back before I found out he was with someone else.

 

My question for this thread now is how do I go about trying to get him back? He does still love me and said he cannot see me on a 'dating basis' for 'right now' (whatever right now means) because that would mean 'cheating' on each of us if he continued to see both of us. What can I do to make him realize he should dump HER and start seeing me instead? I just don't want it to go too long to the point where he DOES fall in love with her and it guarantees he will NEVER want to see me again. I feel I have somewhat of a chance to get him back at this stage but I dont' know the right way to go about it. I don't want to nag him about the other woman or it will push him further away. But I do want him to know how much I still love him. Any suggestions appreciated.

 

Thanks,

Eileen

[evepm]

Dear Eileen:

 

My question is why do want him back? If you 2 have split up 5 times there has to be a good reason.

 

I think that it may be time to move but only you can truly make that decision. Take a step back from this entire situation for a little while. You will able to see things clearly and then proceed from that point.

 

 

Take Care,

Eve

[edougale]

Eve,

I want him back because I still love him very much. Since being apart for months, I thought that was my "stepping back to look at the situation". We stayed in touch and were 'friends' while we were apart. In the last couple of talks we have had (recently), he said he has "changed" in some respects and not like he used to be as far as being so demanding, controlling, etc. He said he finally woke up and realized that's not what it's all about. I also have changed in some respects. The previous times we split up were due to things we have overcome since. We are both older and wiser now. These 5 times I am talking about breaking up were over a 15 yr period and some of them only lasted a week or two. The thing that bothers me is he says he cannot turn back the clock. So does this mean he is completely done with me as far as a relationship goes?

 

Thanks,

Eileen