Ex tells me that he NEEDS me... what to do???

[BabyO]

So, 2 months since BU. I did not once break NC until 4 days ago when I sent a brief email saying I want to send someone for my stuff. He wrote back saying please don't send anyone I want us to meet up and talk. That email following by a two texts and then another email saying ever since the day he ended it he wanted to call, email, text etc.....but he knew how he hurt me and the words could not come.

 

The email last night stated how he would understand if I would never want to speak to him agian after ending our relationship the way he did. It was a LDR and basically he ran scared of us getting married, buying a house etc... Now he email yesterday stated.... I not only want to see you, but I NEED to see and speak to you. Please let me know and I will honor whatever choice you make.

 

 

I am in shock.... Could it be that he regrets his decision and wants to contiuning with the life we had planned out. I did not write back yet because I don't know what to do... Now his want is a need...... I guess I can write back saying ok I will meet, get my stuff and listen to what you have to say....

 

What does he mean by need me????

[Hollyj]

You need to give more detail about the relationship and break up.

[DN]

I think you should meet him and ask him in person what he means.

[BabyO]

The realtionship was fantastic. After dating some men bad men over yrs, I fianlly waiting for the repect that I desevered from a man, and I found that with my ex. We were solemates, and we were in the process of buying a house and getting married. The only issue we had was the LDR and like all LDR it sometimes made us sad and it was hard being apart. Two months ago out of no where he ended it saying he can't take the LDR anymore and is worried that our future marriage since we don't have everything in common may not work. He has been under a lot of pressue with losing his job and his BF was getting a divorve and was leaning on him. etc..... All his reasons for breakin up was nonsense. He said how he loves me and does not want to break up, but has to go. That was two months ago and now he is seems deperate to see and talk to me.... So, my gut is telling me he regrets his decision and made a mistake. However, he hurt me sooooooooooooooo bad and I don't want to run right back into his arms... He has to know he can't do this again.

 

But, if this is not a reconciliation then what could he possibly want to or NEED to tell me???

[Hollyj]

It sounds like a lot of excuses. Are you sure he wasn't scared of the real commitment?

If you really love someone, you do what is necessary to make it work.

The way he ended the relationship (text) was not at all respectful and cowardly, this would be a focus for me.

I would really look at the entire relationship, as responsible, honorable people do not usually end a relationship in this manner, and most certainly, not by text.

[Benville]

I don't think you should be asking 'why he needs', 'what he needs' etc etc.

 

All you should be thinking about is what YOU need and what YOU want.

 

You need to consider the fact that you're telling us already that his breakup reasons were excuses, and how close you both were when he randomly ended it. You then need to consider if you can handle that happening again, and if you feel you can believe what he's saying.

 

I'm not saying I doubt him, nor am I telling you to ignore him or run to him etc etc, but your own needs and desires have to come first, as does some element of self protection. You've outlined that yourself in the post above, so if it is a reconciliation effort, and you think you can trust him not to do it again, you have to spell out where you stand and what he did to you and how it felt, in my humble opinion.

 

I will confess to being a little jaded about people that say they love you as they're leaving you, then come running back later. Recent experiences have turned me off the idea a tad. So take what I say with a pinch of salt.

[symbiot]

HE ended the relationship. Now He says he "NEEDS to SEE you". He DID NOT SAY HE NEEDS YOU BACK or HE'S SORRY. I know exactly what your pain is. Most of us here do. I would N.I.C for a while. Just wait. If he's truly coming around he will not stop until he jas you back or you tell him to leave you alone. He broke up with you and turned your whole life and future plans on end. I'll bet that just the little contact has you all screwed up. I'll bet it's all you can think of. It's not your job to meet him. If you feel the way I think you do just imagine how it would feel to be face to face with him. Don't respond to him for a least a few days. Give yourself time to call down. REMEMBER. If he loves you and has begun to realize that he lost the best person he will ever be with he will do anything to prove it. In a couple days time you should ask him what he wants to see you about and nothing more. I would probably still send that friend to pick up your thing as well. DON'T come running when he reaches out or he'll treat you like a yo-yo. You Are still too fragile right now to put your feeling back on the line. Stay here where we can all lean on eachother for strength.

[wicked6018]

he NEEDS you. it's what HE NEEDS. what about you??? he hurt you deeply, and had all these excuses as to why he did that. you can't trust him. he may need you because he broke up with you to see what else was out there, and didn't find anyone else.

[iBroken]

HE ended the relationship. Now He says he "NEEDS to SEE you". He DID NOT SAY HE NEEDS YOU BACK or HE'S SORRY.

 

Those are not things you say in text. If she had come here and said he said this in his email/text, people would be jumping on her saying "Actions speak louder than words.", "Why isnt he saying this in person etc etc."

 

To the OP - the only way you will know what he wants, is to meet up with him and talk. There is nothing wrong with this nor does it make you look weak.

[Hollyj]

Those are not things you say in text. If she had come here and said he said this in his email/text, people would be jumping on her saying "Actions speak louder than words.", "Why isnt he saying this in person etc etc."

 

To the OP - the only way you will know what he wants, is to meet up with him and talk. There is nothing wrong with this nor does it make you look weak.

 

He had no problem breaking up by text. None of this should have been done by electronic communication. Very lazy!

[DN]

It might be lazy but if he is wanting to reconcile (and he may not so don't get hopes up) the method of communication is less important that the communication.

[BabyO]

OK... I never said he broke up with me over a text or email. He did it face to face and we both cried for about 5 hours.. When I was leaving his house he would pull me back etc...I said once I wrote him a email 4 days ago he replied with I need to see and speak to you. That he has wanted to call me since the moment we started NC. He said that he knows how bad he hurt me and that he was afraid and could not find the words. But, as soon as I reached out to get my stuff he has done nothg but try to speak and see me.

 

But, I am scared because I don't want to ever go throw this again. For me only a ring would make me go back to him. Afterall, I am no ones door mat and I will move on. I will listen to what his says and get my things. If I feel he is sincere then I will take it from there. But, this whole time I knew his leaving was a HUGE mistake and sometimes people need to see what they lost before they can realise what they can have...

 

Also, people work things out all the time....some even after being cheated on.. Nothing is black and white. But, you can be damn sure that he will prove himself to me before I would give my heart fully to him again...

[magnoliatree]

How long distance are you two?? Would that change at all? It's reasonable for someone not to want to commit to a LD relationship - it can just be really hard on some people.

[Hollyj]

My mistake.

 

You're right, people do resolve issues and get back together. But, be careful and be honest about your relationship, reflect back, and truly see the relationship for what it was, not what you want ti to have been.

 

Good luck!