I am easily manipulated

[Que]

Last night, I was talking to my friend and we both have feelings for each other. She asked me some rather personal questions and like an idiot I told her some rather personal things. I almost told her my social security number but I had to stop for a minute to realize what I was doing and what was happening to me. I realized that my friend can easily manipulate me because I am very much interested in her.

 

She told me some other things about herself and I believed her. Then she says to me, "You know, I was just playing around." and I feel like a fool because I REALLY believed her. I am a gulliable sap. I think she's starting to see that too. I really trust her but I am getting a little leery because she can easily get me to believe her on just about anything. That can't be too good. I'm not saying that she is a big fat liar or anything and I'd like to think she is telling the truth most of the time. But when she tells me she's not telling the truth, I feel suckered and weak. I don't want her to feel as if she has control over me, but slowly that IS what it's turning into.

 

Any advice?

[american dream]

Yes I will give you great advice if you just PM me your credit card number and your SSN. LOL! Joke of course.

 

If you want to be less gullible, just slow things down in your mind and think, "Why would this person NEED to know this." Also, try reading self help books that deal with business and you will get some great tips.

 

Cheers!

[abcd1234]

Hi,

 

As american dream said, start to think about the questions that she asks and if you feel uncomfortable with answering them then just say so. Dont feel pressured to give out any information to her that you would prefer to keep personal.

 

She is taking advantage of your openness towards her and she has to understand that she cannot do that, thats why you shouldnt give out too much about yourself. If you feel that she is taking control over you then back away and dont see her as much, that might be a hard thing to do so id like to to take the following quote on-board, if may be of some help to you:

 

"I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want." - Muhammad Ali

 

Its better for you to preserve your individuality then be totally open with this girl.

abcd1234

[Que]

She is taking advantage of your openness towards her and she has to understand that she cannot do that, thats why you shouldnt give out too much about yourself.

 

I think you just might be right. She might be blatantly taking advantage of my openess towards her. I'm not angry at her though. It's my fault.

 

The thing is that she plays around a bit. She'll tell me something about her and then I'll tell her something about myself and she'll say, "You know, I was just playing around right?" and I feel stupid and played. So I end up telling her something about myself that she isn't willing to tell me or be honest to me about something about her. Here is an example:

 

Her I'm thinking about getting my belly button pierced.

Me Really?

Her Yeah, really.

Me Nah. You're just kidding around.

Her No, I'm serious. What do you think?

Me Sounds cool.

Her You like belly button rings?

Me I think they're nice. It depends.

Her What types do you like?

Me I like a barbell. Those look cute.

Her I was just playing around. Belly button rings are distgusting. You actually like those things?

Me Uhh... (confused)

Her Hehe. Sucker...

 

^ And that is how it is. She does that ALL the time. It might be a belly ring, it might be this, it might be that. I don't know why. Is she testing me or something? I don't think that is very nice to totally lead someone on like that and ask their opinion and then play them out and say that you were just playing around. That's lying to a person. It's deceit. I don't appreciate that.

 

Like, if she says that she's thinking about getting a belly button ring or anything, what am I supposed to say? If she's serious, I don't want to say, "Yeah ok. Whatever." and just make her feel like crap. I can't read her. I even ask her all the time, "Are you serious? You're not just playing around with me are you?" and she'll say that she's serious. If I ask her if she's serious and she says that she is, I want to believe she's telling the truth. But then she ends up saying, "I'm just playing." That's lying. I don't know if she's joking or not a lot of times so my best bet is to just be honest and tell her what I think. But when I tell her what I think, she makes me out to be a gulliable idiot for believing her. I know for a FACT that she wouldn't like a guy doing that to her.

 

Now, I am starting to see what type of person she is or what bad habits she has. We're still going to be friends still but what type of person does this sound like to you?

[ComputerGuy]

Um, if it's always like that above, I don't think it's ur easily manipulated, I think it's she good at being manipulative.

[abcd1234]

She sounds very manupulative and if it was me i would have trouble trusting her. Personally, i would try to distance myself from her but you care for her as a friend and wouldnt do that.

 

Just let her know that you dont like it when she says things like that which provoke a reponse from you that she can oppose (just like the belly-bar situation). Its not a nice thing to do so you should get it out in the open that you dont like it, she should respect that and try to refrain from doing it again.

 

I hope this helps!

abcd1234

[Que]

Thanks computer guy and abcd! And ecd! 8)

 

Just let her know that you dont like it when she says things like that which provoke a reponse from you that she can oppose (just like the belly-bar situation). Its not a nice thing to do so you should get it out in the open that you dont like it, she should respect that and try to refrain from doing it again

 

That sounds like a good idea. Maybe I'll let her know. Maybe I'll just be smarter about what I tell her. She's a little immature sometimes (and she's older than me) but I can look past that. I am too. Its nothing. We're friends. I'm very forgiving and easygoing.

 

Last night, I told her that I think about her sometimes. Is that a good thing or a bad thing to tell a woman who you aren't currently involved with? That might give her the impression that she has control over me and that can manipulate me. After I told her, she said she was flattered. Did I goof up? Can someone give me a couple of pointers about being so honest?

[Purple_traveler]

All you can do is be yourself and not worry about the outcome. Obviously don't disclose sensitive information, and think what her motive may be. How long have you know this chick? Becareful and just remember you should never let someone else dchange you....

[Que]

Also, I need some other advice. My friend told me that she has had a crush on me for years, about a month or two ago. Ever since she told me that, I think I've let it go to my head. I think my "cool" or whatever she liked about me is going the way of the dodo because I've said some dumb things or just had bad timing.

 

She said that she doesn't want a relationship now but I find myself saying and doing things like we ARE seeing each other. We talk to each other just about every day for hours and hours. I flirt. We ask how each others days went, etc. I use this soft dumb tone when I talk to her sometimes. I know she doesn't want a relationship now, so I gotta get it together or else our friendship will go south. I hope it doesn't seem like I'm forcing myself on her.

 

I told her some things though, like how she is my best friend, I'll buy her this and that, be there for her, I'm very fond of her, etc. I also told her that I want to send her a studio portrait of myself. Everything I said came from the heart and is true but still, is it too much? I hope I'm not overwhelming her or coming off as a pansy. We like each other but we're just FRIENDS for now.

 

Anyone have any advice for that?