Watch me get my ex back in 3 weeks or less! live with plans and regular update

ngu11 · July 3, 2011

Hi all...

I'm doing this for 2 reasons...1st because i want everyone out there who is going through the same pain to understand that it is possible if you know what you're doing and you have the perspective and patience required to do it. 2nd because I believe that I can do it. You need to believe in yourself to achieve anything and have confidence. I've been here before and i'm only talking from experience.

To set the scene...i know my ex still has feelings for me and still loves me BUT, I'm under no illusion that she wants to get back with me. If she did, she wouldn't have let me go or she'd be back already.

What happened? It doesn't matter! All i need to share with you is the fact that we're both nearing 30 and loved each other a lot...we were each others true love. It ended due to to trust issues as i made mistakes.

I'm not going into my story because it doesn't really matter what caused the break up. What is more important is what happens AFTER the break up. This is what will decide if couples get back together or not.

Current situation: We've been broken up for 5 weeks and communication has really died over the last 2 weeks. I've made all the school boy errors in trying to win her back other than clearing my bank account to shower her with flowers and gifts and have definitely not been stalking. *If you're doing this - PLEASE STOP NOW!* I've called her, cried to her, emailed her, texted her, argued with her, told her how much i loved her all with no success. Now I know this doesn't work and 50% of the time it was through desperation but the other half was intentional and will explain a bit further down.

My last contact with her was yesterday. I messaged her (without being soppy, needy, desperate or clingy) telling her exactly what i feel about her, exactly what i want with her but let her know that i'm getting stronger, i no longer believe she is in control of my happiness but that i am and that i'm making steps to re-discover the man she fell in love with...not for her...but for myself..."it's up to her". This has now set the stage for me to implement my plan. She knows that I love her, she knows that i want my future with her but, she also knows that i'm working on myself, I will be the guy that she fell in love with and only i can be in control of my happiness. After time, this will subconsciously tell her that "hey I love you and i wanna be with you but the clock is ticking, i'm getting stronger by the day and i realise that you are not the centre of my universe."

A lot of people will disagree with the above but EVERYBODY loves to be chased. If i didn't chase her at all she will definitely think that I didn't care anyway...so she will convince herself that she was right to believe that i didnt love her (which is what she thought)

The Plan

Stage 1: NC/LC

3 weeks of NC/LC...that's right just 3 weeks....just 21 days. this is all that is needed (i'm on day 2 in the morning). I'm doing this for a number of reasons. Firstly and most importantly is to get myself right...get stronger and to heal. To burn all the negative and sad energy that I have through positive activities in my life...i.e. going to the gym...meeting new people...enjoying myself. Secondly is for my ex. I want to create space and psychological distance so that i give the opportunity for attraction to redevelop and for her to miss me. The silence will become deafening. After calling her and messaging her like crazy for nearly 5 weeks then me going silent, it WILL get noticed. Initially she should be feeling relief. However from week 2 she will begin to think "why isn't he calling me?" "isn't he interested anymore?" "who is he with?" "what is he doing?". This will arouse her curiosity and spark attraction as i'm displaying strength, none neediness, courage and an independence that is attractive...just like how i was when she fell in love with me. I'm taking the power that she believes she holds over us right from under her feet...then we're on an equal playing field. She will FEEL the responsibility of the break up and feel the weight of it...just like i have been doing from the beginning.

In this time, i have allowed her to ride the wave of all the negative emotions that she feels about me and the relationship BY HERSELF! Every time I told her that i loved her...it has helped her to get through that day knowing that I'm waiting around the corner for her...so she could happily do what she wanted to do...see who she wanted to see with me as the contingency plan. What about now?

I will not be and never will use jealousy as a tactic as this will backfire and it's not where i want to go anyway however, my ex knows that I'm a decent guy, good sense of humour, decent job and not bad looking...so she knows i will get attention from others. Do I want that attention?...not really but over the course of the next 3 weeks I will use it to top up my own confidence as we all lose confidence when we're dumped

People may say I'm playing games and you may in fact have a point but the game is being played from the day we meet them. like it or not. i'd prefer to say that I'm simply executing a plan to reconcile with the best intentions.

Updates to come - any questions or feedback is more than welcome!

Hubble · July 3, 2011

I wish you luck man. Unfortunately for me NC started the day after we broke up, and I told myself that the problem all a long was that I WASN'T listening correctly, so when she said that she needed space...o boy has she gotten it. Only 5 days so far...but I feel great about myself, better than ever.

Just make sure not to lose sight of the fact that the changes are for you!

ngu11 · July 3, 2011

To be honest aovereem, you're in the perfect position as you've completely skipped the "error" stage.

Thanks for your advice my friend and I can assure you that I wont lose sight of that. A certain level of self respect creeps in when you crash and burn...i've never been the type to lose myself for an extended period of time

lovesforlife · July 3, 2011

Ngu11 I wish you all the best and am excited to see what happens. Your positive attitude will help a lot, I'm sure. What is your plan after the stage of nc? How long were you and your ex together? I've been officially broken up a year. I just gave him all the rest of his stuff a couple of days ago. I have a "plan" too but don't want to bother until I have healed more and part of me feels he should make the first move since he has said he wants nothing to do with me. I made all the usual post break up mistakes and it will take me more than 3 weeks to heal, have him miss me, or start to think about the good times. I won't even think about a "plan" for 4-6 months, maybe more, especially if he has not made any effort to contact me by then.

Good luck, but be warned, you will get a lot of criticism for having a plan and "trying to manipulate" or "playing games". People don't seem to understand that there is nothing wrong with taking steps to get back together if that's what you really want. It takes action and a plan like anything else in life. It is not manipulation really (unless you are lying about stuff) because the person has free will.

dodgedabullet · July 3, 2011

So ya wasted your money on flowers and all that nonsense. Didn't anyone tell you that Hollywood and what works in the movies is just a fantasy. Sorry, but I doubt if you are going to win this one. Life isn't a stupid movie.

MasterPo · July 3, 2011

I wish you much luck and I hope it works out for you, if not, I hope you take satisfaction in trying and get on with your healing. Good luck.

ngu11 · July 3, 2011

So ya wasted your money on flowers and all that nonsense. Didn't anyone tell you that Hollywood and what works in the movies is just a fantasy. Sorry, but I doubt if you are going to win this one. Life isn't a stupid movie.

No mate...i said I DIDN'T do that

HeartGoesOn · July 3, 2011

I'm not going into my story because it doesn't really matter what caused the break up. What is more important is what happens AFTER the break up. This is what will decide if couples get back together or not.

I have to disagree with you here, it certainly does matter what caused the breakup. The problems that have to be solved are not in getting back together, but addressing the issues that caused the breakup. Otherwise, you're back to square one...same problems, different day.

ngu11 · July 3, 2011

Hi lovesforlife. Thanks for your reply and feedback. With regards to the criticism, it's welcome as it's people expressing their opinions and feelings. I'm certainly of the opinion that taking action is more productive than waiting around for a miracle...that's probably the reason why i don't play lotto haha.

i feel that you're in a very different situation because so much time has passed. Is there hope for you? Of course...I just have no experience of this kind of situation so I can only wish you all the best luck. What I have got experience of though, is getting an ex back using very similar methods. For clarity to those who may criticise; I'm not trying to manipulate...in fact quite the opposite. I'm allowing her to think about things herself, knowing my position without the comfort of me being around when she may feel lonely. Just removing myself from the situation - disappearing! However, the difference between me and a lot of others is that i have a solid plan to raise my attraction level with her - attraction is subconscious and it was there before...so it has the potential to be there again. Not to use jealousy to make her feel like she wants me - (this is conscious attraction and far less powerful) ...but to allow her to do as she wishes and asses her suppressed feelings from me.

I'm a quick healer so if it doesn't work...i'm back stronger than i was 3 weeks before and ready to go forward positively.

Stage 2? To contact her of course...but I will explain all nearer the time

With regards to you healing...If you make this a significant part of the plan and you are strong enough, the 2 can run simultaneously.

doiiiieeezie · July 3, 2011

This will be interesting to watch.

3 weeks? sure... but how long will you two last?

If you want to reconcile, do it right.

ngu11 · July 3, 2011

I have to disagree with you here, it certainly does matter what caused the breakup. The problems that have to be solved are not in getting back together, but addressing the issues that caused the breakup. Otherwise, you're back to square one...same problems, different day.

Agreed...to a certain degree. What I mean is...it's not important for me to pour my story out onto this forum. However, how can the two parties resolve these issues until they have had the time to asses them, developed strength and perspective. I can't discuss this now with my ex as communication is weak at the mo. My point was getting back together is the easy part...but getting back together does not = happy long term relationship. This comes after

flower888 · July 3, 2011

i feel excited for you and your plan is logical. i don't know your situation, but you said she still loves you, so i think there is chance if she still loves you.

i don't see this as a game, you are just giving her space to let feelings come back. absence will bring back fond memories and bad ones fade away.

please keep your promise to update your thread, i will stay in tune. all the best to you.

ps. three weeks deadline a bit too short... how about 2 months.

ngu11 · July 3, 2011

This will be interesting to watch.

3 weeks? sure... but how long will you two last?

If you want to reconcile, do it right.

Point taken..I should clarify really...my intention is firstly to positively reconnect and rebuild what was there in the beginning i.e. attraction...desire. To create the opportunity to build a new relationship properly

ngu11 · July 3, 2011

i feel excited for you and your plan is logical. i don't know your situation, but you said she still loves you, so i think there is chance if she still loves you.

i don't see this as a game, you are just giving her space to let feelings come back. absence will bring back fond memories and bad ones fade away.

please keep your promise to update your thread, i will stay in tune. all the best to you.

ps. three weeks deadline a bit too short... how about 2 months.

Hi flower888, thank you for the support! I will definitely be updating frequently. There is always the possibility that we won't get back together...but I have no fear of this as worse case scenario..I'm putting my best self forward. If it's not meant to be with my ex...i give myself the opportunity for the next step in my life.

3 weeks is short yes...but we've never been out of contact for more than 5 days...21 is a long time for us. This is not the reason though...I just feel that it's enough time to set the stage for us to communicate again.

btw...888? ni shi zhongguoren ma?

Oneironaut · July 3, 2011

I hope it works. Please keep us posted. 8)

italiannmf24 · July 3, 2011

You can't put a time limit on an ended relationship and it's (possible) reconciliation.

Although I am curious about the turn-out of your little adventure, it just all seems so common in itself.

Break-ups have happened before and they'll happen again, it's natural, it's normal, it's life.

flower888 · July 3, 2011

Hi flower888, thank you for the support! I will definitely be updating frequently. There is always the possibility that we won't get back together...but I have no fear of this as worse case scenario..I'm putting my best self forward. If it's not meant to be with my ex...i give myself the opportunity for the next step in my life.

3 weeks is short yes...but we've never been out of contact for more than 5 days...21 is a long time for us. This is not the reason though...I just feel that it's enough time to set the stage for us to communicate again.

btw...888? ni shi zhongguoren ma?

ni heng chong ming, wo shi hua ren !!

JonasWaingaro · July 3, 2011

Well, yeah. You certainly get an A for enthusiasm! I would say that after only 3 weeks you didn't break-up, you went on a break. Very different from a break-up. Other peoples results may vary.

tresqua · July 3, 2011

A lot of people will disagree with the above but EVERYBODY loves to be chased. If i didn't chase her at all she will definitely think that I didn't care anyway!

Wrong. This is just one of the many mistakes you're making, and one of the reasons why she will not come back.

Women are attractive to guys who are strong, independent, protective, and secure. They don't want clingy needy saps who disregard their request to be left alone after they've decided the relationship is over. The only chance you have to make this work is to go NC and start healing and moving on with your life. Only then will she maybe wonder what's going on with you, start missing you, and realize that strong independent attractive guy might end up with another woman in his arms. She will not think "you don't care", she will think "he's moving on without me maybe I made a mistake!". Because to her, it's not about what you think or what you want, it's about what SHE wants. And right now, that's not you.

And here's another important piece of information that you've conveniently disregarded.. it can take quite a while for the dumper to start missing the dumpee and rethinking their decision, if it ever happens at all. A LOT longer than the few weeks that you expect your little game play to out as you see it in your emotional state of denial. Look, I feel for you, I really do. But the sooner you put this behind you and move on the better off you're going to be in the long run.

Oneironaut · July 3, 2011

With all due respect, tresqua, you can't really make absolute statements about his chances with any accuracy. Yes, it's possible he's doomed, but damn...if I'd listened to people like you when my boyfriend dumped me, we wouldn't be back together now, 4 1/2 months since our reconciliation and still going strong. There's little point in shooting him down as if you know for a fact that he won't get her back, because you don't.

What's wrong with just letting him try, and shelve the negativity?

Like the old saying goes, if you don't have anything nice to say, sometimes it's best not to say anything at all.

tresqua · July 3, 2011

What's wrong with just letting him try, and shelve the negativity?

Like the old saying goes, if you don't have anything nice to say, sometimes it's best not to say anything at all.

Because sometimes people who are emotionally distraught make poor decisions, and sometimes they need advice even if it's painful to hear it. You aren't always doing a person a favor by buying into their delusions and sitting back and nodding and encouraging them and patting them on the back as they make bad mistakes.

It's in this guy's best interests to assume it's over and go NC, and in fact that will increase his odds of successful reconcilation (if only slightly) as compared to assuming she is going to react to his multistep plan just as he expects her to. If she doesn't come back, he's already started on the road to healing that much sooner.

Oneironaut · July 3, 2011

You -think- NC is in his best interest. That's your opinion. In the long run, he's going to do whatever he wants, but the fact is, your coming on here and telling him in absolute terms that he's going to fail is erroneous, because you can't possibly know that.

I don't mean to nitpick, but I just don't understand people who talk in absolutes about strangers. There's nothing to be gained from it, for either side.

I was told that I would NEVER get my ex back, that I was NOT the exception to the rule, and that I was a FOOL for thinking otherwise. Guess what? They were wrong, and you might be, too.

tresqua · July 3, 2011

You -think- NC is in his best interest. That's your opinion. In the long run, he's going to do whatever he wants, but the fact is, your coming on here and telling him in absolute terms that he's going to fail is erroneous, because you can't possibly know that.

Of course I can't know that and when I talk in absolute terms I'm simply expressing my opinion, as you suggested. My opinion is based on personal experience, countless articles by therapists and other trained professionals and hundreds if not thousands of stories I've read about others which clearly maintain that going no contact is the only proven way to get back a dumper however that is not why you GO no contact it's just one possible "side benefit'. Chasing a dumper and repeatedly contacting them has been proven to work against the dumpee but every situation is different because every person is different.

Let me rephrase

"It is my opinion that this plan will fail and this person is much better off going NC and working on themselves and rebuilding their lives while maintaining that there is a slight possibility that the dumper may come looking for them when they realize they're moving on with their lives".

Oneironaut · July 3, 2011

Fair enough, I guess it's just a sensitive spot with me...I became very angry when people told me I would never get him back, and to just give up and move on, as if they could predict the future. My apologies for getting a bit worked up about it.

tresqua · July 3, 2011

Fair enough, I guess it's just a sensitive spot with me...I became very angry when people told me I would never get him back, and to just give up and move on, as if they could predict the future. My apologies for getting a bit worked up about it.

No problem. Realize that I didn't say he would never get her back, I simply said that his plan to get her back would fail (in my opinion of course).

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