Angry, confused, lonely... damn

[phil1981UK]

Hello, not really asking for advice as much as want to just moan to someone about my life right now.

 

I am in the mood for writing a lot so go elsewhere now unless you want to die of boredom.

 

I met my girlfriend in October last year while she was working in England (where i live), she is from poland and went back in December sop we had a great couple of months together, when she went home she wasnt to keen on keeping things going saying she need to be free, I talked her I would be at a certain place at a certain date and time in poland and I wanted to see her there, but I said it was up to her.

 

I went to the place in february and she showed up, we spent a great couple of days together, but again she didnt want to continue, again I talked her round to just seeing how we go. Then I went to see her again in April, I surprised her this time, I just went to poland and told her i was there, she came to see me and we had a good time. But she still wasnt sure about keeping it going (a pattern eh)

 

Around this time she was also saying how she was bored at home and needed to do something, that something turned out to be going to work on a cruise ship in miami for 6 or 7 months from June. So I went to see her just before she left for miami and we had a good time again, but the same old story, she wasnt sure about keeping it going.

 

And so she left, I told her I would go see her on the ship for a week in early august (2 weeks ago), and she spent all the time she wasnt working with me and we had a great week together. But again she wanted to break up, but couldnt quite do it.

 

Just for the record she always tells me she loves me and I make her so happy, despite the fact she wants to break up all the time, the reason she says she wants to break up is cos she is scared of her feelings and not being in control of them, i try to understand but it is hard, i wonder if she just wants to be free more than she loves me.

 

I came back from seeing her a week ago and am missing her like mad, also I am worried now she will find someone else on the ship and get into a relationship (even if only a brief one), she told me lots of stories about crew members having partners on board as well as at home having partners or wives. And she is very friendly and very attractive and it was clear all the guys on the ship were after her to be thier "on board" girl friend.

 

Since I got back this has been worrying me a lot as she is friends with many guys on there and it is obvious many of them want her for themselves even though they are playing as friends. They have crew parties and go clubbing all together and things, i just feel some guy will work her aorund and get close to her and she will just go with it.

 

So now i am back in england again, alone and missing her like mad, i am meant to be going to see her on the ship again in 6 weeks time, but i am so worried about losing her and her doing something with someone on the ship, its drin=ving me nuts, i hardly sleep or eat and think about it ALL the time.

 

I dont know what to do, if you have read this far maybe you can give me something, but i really dont want to lose her so I dont think i can break up with her, maybe i just need to know how to cope, I know i should keep busy but I cant, i just sit and think about it, even if I try to do something else it dosent last.

 

I hate this situation, i just want her with me.

 

Thanks for listening.

[evepm]

Dear waynerwayner:

 

I believe that she loves you. I also think that she may be at a point in her life where she needs to pursue her own experiences. Perhaps she is afraid of her feelings because she may think that giving into to them and committing herself to you will mean giving up her opportunity to experience life on her own.

 

Since you two have had good times together and she has been willing to see you when you have gone to her, obviously you two have something together. I suggest that you be patient and give her space. It won't be easy but it will pay off in the end.

 

For your own sanity, you have to try as hard as you can to explore your own life experiences for now. The best of luck to you.

 

Take care,

Eve