Ex and I met up with LC - now what? :/

[Christy416]

I recently saw my ex again..we just suddenly met out of the blue. We generally had a good time - there were some awkward pauses but that was kind of expected after a little while of NC. I just asked him about his work/school and he did the same. We spent about two hours with one another. Afterward, we started sending a few texts here and there.

 

The last text conversation was started by him (generally he usually starts the convos since I felt like I shouldn't - not with the way our break up went). But he started showing up online more often without talking to me. I was wondering if he's waiting for me to make the next step? We haven't communicated since Sunday (the day he texted).

 

Should I take the initiative and try to start the conversation sometimes?

 

He also started texting my cousin (one of the few people we hang out together) about how he felt bad for the things we did - including the way he treated me before we broke up. he also mentioned that it was nice to see everyone again to her (we hung out as a group again recently too). I'm just wondering why he would be able to say all this to her and not me. It's gotten me really confused because here he is apologizing to her, but never made a formal one to me. We just sort of glossed over the break up - he did apologize for pulling away, but never directly for the way he treated me while we went through the break up. He did mention to her that he felt like crap for doing what he did to me and that he's trying to change.

 

Is this a step to reconciliation or am I just over-thinking things?

[joswsieg]

According to my therapist, whenever regular contact is being made, especially initiated by your ex, the process of reconciliation has begun. It's a long process so play it cool and don't rush things. Try to hang out once a week or so and just let it happen on its own. Keep in mind that this doesn't mean you two will reunite but it's definitely a step in the right direction. Remember that the worst thing you can do right now is put too much pressure on him. As much as we'd all like to believe that we are still 'close' with our ex, the fact is, we are not. Build attraction, demonstrate high value (DHV), and DO NOT BE TOO AVAILABLE. You might want to go ahead and send him a text during the day just to let him know you are interested. Just say hi or how are you doing. Something simple and not pushy at all. Good luck.

[Snowy]

I have two words: Stay cool.

[wilyone 11]

Christy,

He knows that whatever he says to your cousin will get back to you. He's not yet brave enough to say these things directly to you, but it's pretty clear to me that he wants to reconcile. Nevertheless, I agree with other posters that you should demonstrate high value and not be too available. Also, I think he's hoping you'll do more of the initiating (to ease his fears of rejection) but I personally wouldn't initiate anything and would allow him to prove to you that you should take him back. Let him convince you, don't run after him. You are the precious one, you are the jewel, let him start treating you like one.

[twistedfate]

Good advice.

 

I think in LC situations, it's always best to let the ex make ALL the first moves. Be very cautious and guarded though, don't read into anything and take everything at face value. I don't know if I agree that in ALL cases of the ex contacting you, it means reconciliation has begun. There are many exes out there who are playing games. only you know your ex and what their intentions are, which is why it is SO important to maintain a safe distance until something is explicitly said.

 

If you can't handle it or they start to jerk you around, go NC.

[Christy416]

Thanks for the replies! I really do appreciate them and they clear my thoughts a bit.

 

I'm thinking I should IM him the next time he's on, but texting seems a bit awkward now since we haven't sent a text to each other for the past few days. But other than the IMing, I'll just try to play it cool and not seem desperate.

 

His birthday is very soon though - do you guys think I should invite him out with a few mutual friends to celebrate? I'm pretty certain he won't have plans on that day.

[Christy416]

Christy,

He knows that whatever he says to your cousin will get back to you. He's not yet brave enough to say these things directly to you, but it's pretty clear to me that he wants to reconcile. Nevertheless, I agree with other posters that you should demonstrate high value and not be too available. Also, I think he's hoping you'll do more of the initiating (to ease his fears of rejection) but I personally wouldn't initiate anything and would allow him to prove to you that you should take him back. Let him convince you, don't run after him. You are the precious one, you are the jewel, let him start treating you like one.

 

I have a feeling that he wants me to make some of the contact too. I was asking a guy friend about this and he mentioned that some guys like to be contacted by the girls so that it shows she's interested too. But I think for right now, you're right...I should wait and see if he makes enough effort - I think I did enough when we were together.