I Broke NC was it a Mistake ?

[jakel]

I have been Bu around 9 months And nc until yesterday 3 months and presently dating another woman.

 

I heard through the grapevine that My ex's mom had died a week ago. I felt really at peace with the whole break-up and felt like I should drop her an email so I did.

 

I went like this: ( ), My condolences to you and your family.

 

Btw I feel completely amended in my consciousness about everything that occurred and hold no blame or resentment. My apologies again if anything I said was hurtful. All the best ( )

 

That was yesterday, today I feel Like **** ! I have checked to see if she emailed back 3 times today! I didn't have an expectation she would email back when I emailed but now I'm thinking of her ugh!

 

Was I wrong to break NC?

 

 

She is with someone else and I like the gal I'm dating a lot and don't feel like I want to be with her anymore. But still I find myself willful about her responding.

[annieperson]

Hey Jake

 

I totally believe that your email was fine. Could it be that she is simply preoccupied with other things right now and maybe just hasnt had a chance to reply? It sounds like you are at peace with where you are right now so don't put too much stress on yourself about her not responding.

 

One thing you may want to ask yourself is did you send that email to just send your condolescences or did you send that email to get a response? If it was strictly to send your condelescences, it wouldnt matter if she responded but it sounds to me like you were maybe looking for a little connection?

[lovesforlife]

I think it would have been better to only express your condolences. The extra bit about you feeling amended in your consciousness was unnecessary and offputting in light of her mother dying. I would view you as a jerk to contact me and bring up anything about our past relationship, when you are dating someone else, when my mother has just died. (I lost my mother in my teens, so I know the pain.) I would take it as you either gloating or being so desparate as to prey upon my emotionality due to losing my mother.

 

What is done is done.

 

I would remain no contact and hope she does not respond.

[hello678]

Did you dump her or did she dump you?

 

If you are the dumper it was probably best not too. Particularly since she is going through a difficult time, no doubt she DOESNT want to hear from you.

[jakel]

annieperson, Thanks for your response I honestly wanted to send my condolences. Maybe on some level In addition I want to know their are no hard feelings. I was really victimized and self pitying 3 months ago and said a lot of things I wish I hadn't. Come to think of it I apologized back then to.

[jakel]

It sound as if I should just forget it happened and go nc again

[jakel]

I was the dumpee

[hello678]

Well thats fine. Although its still probably best to stay away from her, she mightn't want to relive all her emotions about you right when her mum has died.

[ForumGuy]

Just a minor setback and will pass in a short time.

[abitbroken]

I agree that the condolences were okay, but the little "PS" was not so much. You were actually, then, sending the condolence with an ulterior motive. I wouldn't expect a response. Please move forward.

[DaveCummings]

Jakel,

 

I have this to say about what's taken place here. I feel that what you have done may be misconstrued as you hijacking an emotional situation for self-serving reasons; i.e. lending your condolences, yet using the opportunity to say you're at peace with what happened between her and you.

 

I'm not going to go ahead and presume anything about either of you beyond what you've mentioned here. I'd say that perhaps you worded it wrong, but you laid claim that you no longer like this new girl you're dating because of your ex? So then, if that's the case, maybe you hadn't really sent this e-mail with the best of intentions.

 

It's in your best interest to leave things as they are and reflect on whether you meant well. If you truly did, then be at ease with this and move on with your life. Should she respond, deal with it then, but as it stands there's not much else to do.

[jakel]

(you laid claim that you no longer like this new girl you're dating because of your ex? So then, if that's the case, maybe you hadn't really sent this e-mail with the best of intentions.)

 

I was actually referring to my ex When I wrote I didn't want to be with her anymore, (I still like the woman I'm dating). I suppose the PS in the email I sent her was an attempt to alleviate any responsibility or possible guilt I had put on her from the breakup , I got to the whole thing being somewhat unmanageable.