Searching for something..very anxious these days

[rose35]

I recently posted how i want to leave my job in the fall regardless if I find something new or not..i feel like the longer I am there, the longer I will be stuck there and locked into an admin role. I feel so uncomfortable at work..the hours are good and it's not always busy but when it is--it's tedious, labor, mindless type work. I know i should feel lucky to just have a job..but it is not enough anymore..i am starting to feel anxious that i went to school for 4 years and now 4 years later this is what I have been doing. I didn't need a degree for this. All of my other friends have more career type paths and I don't get what it is that happened to me that I can never excel. It is like i am just stuck being average. I signed up for an HR certification class just to kind of advance my skills in that area.

 

I guess i am looking for adventure, for something to fulfill me in life, for something i can be proud of myself for and i have no idea what that is or where to find it

 

And lately i just keep thinking how some of my other friends get to travel to europe so carefree about money etc and basically living life..i just dont find myself genuinly happy..being single for 3 years and at a job i don't like is starting to get to me i think. Me quitting will definitely stop me from trips and going out etc but I am thinking i might be happier to dedicate my time to searching for something else and basically take a gamble.

 

The other sad part is--I DONT want to be around friends who are doing so much better than me. It's horrible but it is how i feel..i don't want to hear about their complicated day as a teacher/nurse/analyst..whatever it is. And I have a hard time believing that if I was higher up--they would be happy for me. I think there is always competition among some friends and I just sort of dont know how to handle it. A good friend of mine comes over and starts talking about her job and the side job she has to my parents etc..yes that is exciting and great..but i feel like it does strike some chord with that fact that I should be doing alot more at this point and should be making alot more. I feel like my friend should be more considerate about this but it may be hard for others to even comprehend if they are so successful.

 

I just feel ashamed of myself..and i honestly don't want to be around friends right now who are so much more successful and have meaningful relationships..i just don't trust their true intentions alot of times..

 

Going through alot of different feelings right now.... sad, tired, confused.

[He2Him]

Your story is quite sad, because throughout your whole post I get the notion, and a very strong one, that you are looking outside of yourself to validate your life. You're using your friends and your environment to compare yourself to and what's even worse to define your happiness.

 

It's when you stop looking outside and justify your life for yourself you start being truly happy.

 

I was a victim of the ''crime'' above too.Always looking at others to validate my own life, seeing what they are doing, how much money they are making, how they get to travel everywhere around. It's bollocks and it sucks.

When I turned my focus to myself, and realized that what I'm doing is what makes me happy, that money that I earn pay my bills, how I don't get to travel but in fact I don't feel the need to travel anywhere and it was just this fake feeling of a ''more interesting life others lead''. The moment I started focusing on myself I became happy with myself. All my friends have college degree, and I got only high school, and I don't care, because I know that I'm smarter and better than them in regards to learning and I learned about life while they learned about whatever subject they learned. Many of those friends earn more money, but I don't care, because I see them investing it in so many meaning less things, I know they can't budget the money they earn and I can, I win again.

 

And lastly, while lives of others may seem more exciting than ours, in reality they're not. When you get your act together in life, that's when your life will become more exciting and you lose interest in lives of others, because you will see for yourself, how imperfect lives of others are, how much mistakes they make in the silliest of situations. You'll see their lives as a badly filmed and written soap opera serie that just CAN NOT compare to yours.

 

Think about it.

[rose35]

I disagree..i am not looking to validate my life by what others are doing. I am simply noticing the people surrounding my life. Of course I shouldn't compare and all of that. It doesn't change the fact that what I stated above is true--i am not happy with where I am. And of course with me NOT being happy and feeling like how i described I am going to notice what others are doing and how they have more of a career path. I went to college like they did..so of course it is going to frustrate me at some point that I spent all this money and it didn't get me anywhere. I know there are tons going through worse things but this is my situation and I am not happy. And it also doesn't change how i think there is some competition among friends to do better, have more, have that relationship. It is just what i noticed even among the best of friends and it makes me not want to be around anyone right now.

 

I am definitely not the type to "follow the crowd" I never was..if someone told me to drink or try this, I felt compelled to do the opposite and make my own decision. I am definitely not the type that needs to be popular at work or have a lot of friends etc. What i am saying is that I am observing everything around me and I am just not happy with where I am and feel i am having a hard time finding fulfillment.

[He2Him]

What i am saying is that I am observing everything around me and I am just not happy with where I am and feel i am having a hard time finding fulfillment.

 

That's what I was trying to point out with my post and you pinpoint it yourself in yours,... you're looking outside, observing everything around you...Stop that completely. Stop looking around yourself, and start looking inside of yourself.

 

Also, in your original post you mentioned you're looking for something to fulfill your life, something to be proud of... well what are your interests, what kind of stuff evoke that feeling of satisfaction in yourself?

I will refer you to this article, link removed

If you find some spare time, read it. It might help you greatly in searching whatever it is makes you really happy in life.

 

Best of luck mate.

[rose35]

observing others and the world around me is a natural part of living..even if i take that away i know i am not happy with what I have going on right now. I also wouldn't want to stop observing others, their actions, etc. I disagree with that part.

[Moneypenny]

All my friends have more career type paths and I don't get what it is that happened to me that I can never excel. It is like i am just stuck being average.

 

You will probably never excel at doing something you clearly find mind-numbingly tedious and boring. I would trust your instinct about this not being the right path for you. It'll just get worse in years to come.

 

I spent 15 years in an admin role for a Global Company. I absolutely hated every minute I spent doing meaningless tasks. But, I had outside interests that the money I earned paid for; i.e. I studied Fine Art (part -time), and spent 6 years on a (part-time) Yoga Training course and became a Yoga teacher; travelled to India etc. When I left the admin job, I promised myself that I would never ever work in an office environment again. It can be pretty soul destroying if that sort of thing is not in your nature. Be true to yourself, otherwise you will never be happy.

 

Right now I am doing Community Volunteer work with the aim of getting into Counselling.

 

You may have to ask yourself some serious questions about where your interests lie. Perhaps you could think about taking a random evening class to learn a new skill. Doing this may open up new doors.

 

I have many successful friends who earn huge salaries and flit off all over the world on their annual holidays; have nice cars; nice big houses etc. I just think, good for them; but that's not for me.

 

Teach yourself to meditate with some good books on Meditation. Often quiet reflection brings unexpected or unusual ideas up to the surface; and will give you the confidence to try new things.

 

I hope this helps.

[rose35]

thank you so much! glad to hear i am not the only one who finds an admIn role meaningless at times.

 

I am grateful in alot of ways bc i went on alot of trips with this job. And me quitting will definitely put a stop to it It also can be laid back when bosses aren't in and the hours are not bad. But the person i mainly with has been there 10 years and i can see how she feels about the work we do. She feels almost embarrassed at times and annoyed especially when she sees younger people than her doing these great things at work. She also didn't go to college which is fine but at this point it is making me anxious about the fact that I am still paying off loans and this is what I am doing? How come I am not doing these great things?? In some ways it is like my boss forgot i went to college and me being assosciated with someone who only sees this as a job bc she gets better hours held me back in some tiny way.

 

She hired a new girl to be more of her direct assistant..i was actually a little angry bc i would have wanted to switch to doing that and take some of the labor work out of what i do..i.e..boxing up and taping up materials where sometimes i am sweating and physically tired at the end.

 

I am just done..i feel uncomfortable and i just want to start new, start fresh.

 

I don't think i am cut out for being an analyst or working at a financial firm, i also feel it is a little too late to go law school and it's probably not my thing either. I sometimes wonder if you need an outgoing personality to be a teacher..standing up and talking all day may not be my thing but i love the flexibility of the role and the summers off.

 

I was thinking HR..i am taking classes in july and have been applying to hr assistant roles. I was thinking this b/c they are so sort of the backbone to the office..or to get an HR role at a hotel and make sure employees and guests are happy and to be in a visually nice environment. Or at a place where you help plan events for employees or at a school where you contribute to the staff and students. Not sure if that sound realistic in this field?

 

But i still don't know if i will be happy with that but i might be more proud of it b/c i can advance or continue to take classes etc.

[Moneypenny]

I was a little like you at your age; i.e. I didn't know what I wanted to do, and I thought too much 'inside the box'. Take chances, but hold your job while you do that, until the time is right to leave in financial terms.

 

You think it's too late to go to 'Law school', and you think it's probably not your thing either! Well, don't even think about it then. That's a waste of time. Sounds to me that you're trying to live up to 'other people's' expectations. Just let it go. Be your own person, and don't worry about what other people think. Hard I know.

[rose35]

no just listing professions..just not sure what it is i want to do..what are types of jobs outside the box that give you a decent living?

[Moneypenny]

Just on a further note...it seems you have unrealistic expectations of yourself - all in the completely wrong direction. When I mentioned before about taking a random evening course, I meant just that! Millinery, pottery, working with disabled children/adults/the elderly, architecture, therapy; the list is endless.

 

You're in a rut and you can't see a way out. You have to allow yourself to be a little bit silly and just choose something...ANYTHING. It doesn't matter that something you choose to do doesn't work out, but at least you tried....and then what you do is...try again...and again...and again... Eventually, something will fall into place. If you choose to do nothing, nothing will happen.

[Moneypenny]

no just listing professions..just not sure what it is i want to do..what are types of jobs outside the box that give you a decent living?

 

I can't help with that specifically because I don't know you. What i meant was just be less constricted to what you're used to. I really don't know. Take a chance say; look at a University or an Adult Education website and just choose a random course. My best friend replied to a simple, non-descript advert on Hat Making, and undertook 2 years of training.

[rose35]

is hr silly? i signed up for that class in july.

[bulletproof]

It all comes down to making decisions. What is that you really and truly want to do? I mean if you could have any job, no matter how ridiculous it may seem, what is it? Then you just have to break it down and figure out the steps to getting there. What was your undergrad degree? Is it something you can build upon?

 

To address the other aspects of your post- I work at an admin. job for a non-profit right now. It pays poorly and is not my dream job. However, when I did have my career-track dream job (for about ten years), I was still at the same level of dissatisfaction. That is because I (like most people) have a set point for happiness/unhappiness. Now, that's not to say that our set point can't change- it can- but it's a lot of work. I have a ton of hobbies and the job I work is only thirty hours/wk. So for now, I accept it, and I make the best of what's happening while always trying to better myself and move forward. And it does involve taking risks, as someone here suggested. Sometimes you have to blow it all out of the water to see any real change.

[rose35]

i guess that is my problem--i don't have this dream job of what i would do if i had a million dollars or something like that

 

I guess what i want is to do something that i can be proud of myself for, to feel like i am making a difference but also not a job where that is my entire life.

Something that pays decent but also gives me the freedom to have time to myself after work. In some ways i am a dreamer--if i see a movie, i think how great that person's job is even though i know it's a movie.

 

Sometimes i think working in hr at a hotel or b&b would be nice..it would be a visually nice place to be everyday and i would encounter all different types of people rather than the same routine of an office--same people all the time basically. And some hr positions are about helping employees, coordinating events to bring them together, or solving problems that happen around the office or hotel. Helping to interview or train and knowing you are making some difference to the company.

 

Sometimes i think a photography business for weddings would be a cool idea..but it is definitely hard to start a business and make a name..or owning a coffee house.

 

Sometimes i think being a teacher would be great with the time off..i know a few friends who are and they get to travel and relax..but i also know it is a huge cut in pay and i would have a hard time supporting myself if i didn't get married and had that second income. And also i think maybe i am not outgoing enough to stand in front of others and talk.

[DanDee]

I'm starting teacher training in September, and I'm quite the introvert. No doubt it will be scary at first but after a month or so the nerves will fade. It's also a way to get a qualification so use for later use if I decide it isn't right for me, I mean, my dream is to be a school psychologist and it will be useful there. To be honest I was umming and ahhing over teaching for several years, always talking myself out of it - but eventually just bit the bullet. You've sometimes gotta just do whatever you think would be a good fit.

[rose35]

dandee please ready my other threat in the career section. I am actually still debating about becoming a teacher. I found a fellowship program a friend told me about but it's hard to be accepted i think. Also there is a math assessment thing given in the interview--what kind of math? that's not really my subject or the one i want to teach. lol