hexaemeron Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 I'm not sure I understand the difference between A and B. With A, once your boundary is crossed the trust is gone. With B once a boundary is crossed, complete trust turns to no trust. I'll take school C. Trust is earned through a dating period by observation of your partner's action. It continues as long as their behavior remains trustworthy. If their behavior changes drastically and lines are crossed then the trust is gone. Scenario: "I want to have lunch with a female co-worker. I have been forever trustworthy." School A: This makes the other person uncomfortable because her "boundaries" are being crossed because she doesn't like the idea that her bf/husband would have lunch with a woman, nevermind it's a work colleague and he's been forever trustworthy. School B: The gf doesn't like it, but she knows her bf is 100% trustworthy so she calms her inside noises down, tells him to have a good time and bring her back some cheesecake. See the difference? Link to comment
Glowguy Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 I guess in A trust erodes over time and B it stays constant until a line is crossed. Ideally B is better, but I think A is more realistic. Link to comment
LoveMySon Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 May I ask why that's cheating if he's not touching anyone, or engaging himself watching them? Because your partner's eyes are for you and you only. That's just what I believe. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 Because your partner's eyes are for you and you only. That's just what I believe. Do you get mad at him for seeing ladies on magazine covers? TV? Movies? Where do you personally draw the line? Link to comment
LoveMySon Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Do you get mad at him for seeing ladies on magazine covers? TV? Movies? Where do you personally draw the line? when they are naked or engaging in any sexual activity or poses etc. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 when they are naked or engaging in any sexual activity or poses etc. So basically nothing but family friendly movies, television and other media. Good luck with that. Link to comment
stillstunned Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 when they are naked or engaging in any sexual activity or poses etc. ??? So if you see a picture of a well built man without his shirt on do you look away? Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 ??? So if you see a picture of a well built man without his shirt on do you look away? Of course she does. She doesn't want to be a hypocrite. Link to comment
-Sanguine- Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 when they are naked or engaging in any sexual activity or poses etc. So, in the movie Titanic (a classic), where Jack draws Rose while she is nude - is he not allowed to watch? Does he have to look away because you consider watching cheating? I'm trying to figure out the extent of your insecurity. Link to comment
stillstunned Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Of course she does. She doesn't want to be a hypocrite. LOL yeah, makes sense. Who doesn't, right? Link to comment
LoveMySon Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 LOL yeah, makes sense. Who doesn't, right? I said NAKED. As in no clothes at all. Swim suits and underwear don't count. And movies are fine. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 I said NAKED. As in no clothes at all. Swim suits and underwear don't count. And movies are fine. You are awfully young, so I understand where this is coming from. You're 100% entitled to your opinion, but you will absolutely have difficulty in dating/relationships because of it. Link to comment
LoveMySon Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 ??? So if you see a picture of a well built man without his shirt on do you look away? if he was naked yes Link to comment
stillstunned Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 I said NAKED. As in no clothes at all. Swim suits and underwear don't count. And movies are fine. No, you said naked OR engaging in sexual activity or poses. I said in another thread, men are visual creatures. He should be respectful and not stare or comment in your presense, but for you to expect complete visual shutdown is unrealistic. I really think your harsh expectations are going to drive him to hide everything from you AND give him a serious complex. I strongly suggest you reading up a little on male sexuality. Link to comment
LoveMySon Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 You are awfully young, so I understand where this is coming from. You're 100% entitled to your opinion, but you will absolutely have difficulty in dating/relationships because of it. yes that is y i have had the same boyfriend for 4 years Link to comment
KatAstrophy1607308539 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 In my view, trust scenario B means that the "truster" has confidence in both herself and her man either from her experience of him being in similar situations and not betraying her trust or from her just being trusting and never having been betrayed before. People who have difficulty trusting others have either had their trust betrayed lots of time before [the once bitten twice shy concept] or they don't trust themselves to be faithful so therefore project this lack of trust on their partners. In my experience, people who trust easily also tend to forgive easily and may not let previous betrayals influence their consequent relationships. I trust people because I'm trustworthy myself, and I also forgive easily. Still, you can never trust anyone 100% I don't think. Mainly because humans are by nature fallible and there can be mitigating factors such as alcohol and other influences that might diminish responsibility. Hence forgiveness, if you can find it in yourself. And that's why people set up trust boundaries [sometimes ridiculous ones] which, if crossed, they won't compromise. Link to comment
LoveMySon Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 No, you said naked OR engaging in sexual activity or poses. I said in another thread, men are visual creatures. He should be respectful and not stare or comment in your presense, but for you to expect complete visual shutdown is unrealistic. I really think your harsh expectations are going to drive him to hide everything from you AND give him a serious complex. I strongly suggest you reading up a little on male sexuality. i meant AND sexual activity Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 yes that is y i have had the same boyfriend for 4 years Sigh. I meant no offense, youngling. Just offering words of experience. I'm glad you're in a relationship you enjoy with someone who respects your boundaries. Link to comment
stillstunned Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 yes that is y i have had the same boyfriend for 4 years That one that won't marry you because you don't trust him? Again, your expectations are unrealistic. Do some research on what makes men tick. You'll learn quite a bit. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 That one that won't marry you because you don't trust him? Again, your expectations are unrealistic. Do some research on what makes men tick. You'll learn quite a bit. Oh, snap. Ouch. I didn't see her other threads. Now that is unfortunate. Link to comment
LoveMySon Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 No, you said naked OR engaging in sexual activity or poses. I said in another thread, men are visual creatures. He should be respectful and not stare or comment in your presense, but for you to expect complete visual shutdown is unrealistic. I really think your harsh expectations are going to drive him to hide everything from you AND give him a serious complex. I strongly suggest you reading up a little on male sexuality. I wouldn't be mad if he looked. Nobody can help looking or a glance if it is right there in front of them. But he shouldn't stare. Or keep looking. Link to comment
stillstunned Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 I wouldn't be mad if he looked. Nobody can help looking or a glance if it is right there in front of them. But he shouldn't stare. Or keep looking.. Why can't he keep looking? The person in the picture doesn't care if he looks and he isn't remotely close to cheating on you with her. He's simply enjoying the view. Link to comment
LoveMySon Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 That one that won't marry you because you don't trust him? Again, your expectations are unrealistic. Do some research on what makes men tick. You'll learn quite a bit. well if it isn't meant to be then it isnt' meant to be. I don't need a man to live and be happy. It's not worth being with somebody who doesn't meet your wants and needs in the long run if you aren't happy. I give chances but not a ton. Maybe you didnt read the part that said one more time and im out. Im not going to live in misery without a man if they aren't what i want. Link to comment
LoveMySon Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 . Why can't he keep looking? The person in the picture doesn't care if he looks and he isn't remotely close to cheating on you with her. He's simply enjoying the view. if he cant enjoy my view enough that he has to look at another, than obviously Im not good enough Link to comment
stuka80 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 i can trust and distrust the same person on different things, dont know which spectrum i'd belong to though. for example, i'd trust my friend be somewhere at a certain time if we agreed upon it. but i wont trust him in paying his rent on time at all. Link to comment
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