Developing Self-Integrity and Self-Respect

[Silverbirch]

I'm reading about this right now, and can see that I go through of it diminishing when I compromise what I really believe in. That can be through jobs or relationships. I want so much that belief again in myself, never settling for crumbs thrown my way - not in any area in my life. Has this been an issue for others, have you been able to overcome it, and how. Definitely NC is helping me maintain dignity and hopefully develop integrity to myself. I'm planning on moving to a better job at the end of the year because I believe I'm worth a lot more than what I am renumberated in my present position -as are all my co-workers. I'm not going to stay in a place where the workers are exploited. I see now that I compromised myself at times so as not to rock the boat in my relationship,and it did no good for me or the relationship. I didn't value myself enough. I don't want to become a selfish idiot, but I want to value myself again in a healthy way.

[He2Him]

I'm glad to hear you joined the ''ranks'' of us who study self-improvement.

 

Now, I have one important thing to say in regards to your post: NC itself does not develop integrity, nor self-respect. NC only gives you time and enough space to develop integrity and self-respect and all other great qualities through CONTINUOUS actions you take to improve yourself and your life.

 

Six month ago, I joined a gym, because I wanted to the best I can be, I just went there and started to lift weights. At the beginning I would compromise going there for another activities (beer here and there, bowling, parties and other stuff). But I promised myself that I will not compromise it anymore. And so I worked on it, several weeks passed from that moment and here I stand, proud and confident, feeling like a million bucks. And I no longer compromise my workouts. I workout everyday, and if there's a party or any activity I make sure I have time to workout first, everything else comes second. I also started to eat a lot healthier thanks to bodybuilding.

 

And all the priorities have shifted in my life, it's no longer, relationship, girls, parties, work, computer games that are important to me. In the first place it's Exercising and eating healthy meals! And I must say, it's the best decision I've ever made in my life so far.

 

Find something to improve yourself in. If you would like to live healthier, eat healthier and do something for yourself. Go watch Jack Lalanne on youtube. He's the greatest inspiration and motivation of mine that literally persuaded me to eat way better!

 

P.s. even when I unload my shopping cart at cashier desk, and I look at it and compare it to shopping carts of others, I feel so damn proud. haha.

[Silverbirch]

Thank you H2H. I will watch that at Youtube.

[erase this face]

Seems as though you're already taking the appropriate steps by ridding yourself of a job and a relationship that compromises who you are. Surrendering integrity or core beliefs for someone or some thing is never beneficial. The only healthy relationships that can be forged will be with those who value your words, your character, and who do not dissuade you.

 

I have been stifled throughout much of my last relationship, and these words ring true for me:

 

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#3 - I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.

 

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

 

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

 

(every time I was honest, he didn't want to hear it, or would completely invalidate what I was feeling)

[Silverbirch]

Thank you ETF. That makes me feel a whole heap better. Same thing happened here.

[stuka80]

You should look into philosophy. tons of material there that will train your mind to live a more ethical and moral life.

 

Personally i was really taken by Immanuel Kant and the ancient Stoicism philosophy.

[Stay_home]

I love to read. Anything that has something to do with self-help, personal empowerment, emotional health, philosophy... almost anything involving how to improve the mind, heart and soul I'll take a chance and read.

[LaceWing]

That sounds really good Silverbirch....you are valuable and deserve the best in all things!

 

I too am on a path back towards self-integrity and self-respect.

[nsomnia912]

Silver...read up on Buddhism and read books from thich nhat hanh.... Especially " being peace" and " miracle of mindfullness" they have literally reshaped how I see life and have got me passed the hardest break up ill ever have through understanding and acceptance and awareness.... It's such a powerful read for all areas of life

[Silverbirch]

Hi All. Thank you for your replies. Nsomnia, I have belonged to a budhist group for a while - since prior to even meeting my ex. Unfortunately though,the group doesn't meet all that regularly. I was doing study a while back with the group, but just atm they are not offering it. Thanks for reminding myself that I need to get into the readings again. The group is meant to meet tomorrow night, but the last 2 meetings were cancelled. I really miss them. After I had been with my partner a while, I didn't go to the group as I was supervising his children and he wasn't getting home from work on time. That was such a big mistake for me. I lost a big part of myself, and the reading, practice and being part of the group had been a major part of my emotional stability and how I viewed the world. I'm so hoping the group will meet tomorrow.