I want a woman who is Ready

[american dream]

Hey guys. I have been using this site for a while and I have posted a bit (sadly, in the infidelity and breaking up sections). But I am trying to move on and get things together. It feels so weird because I am 24 years old, and I feel like I don't want the normal stuff a person in their mid 20's wants.

I want a family and a wife and a kid or two. It seems like the girls I know, including my ex, all think this is too early. The only women I know with babies are those who got knocked up by accident. What is going on in America??? It seems like people want to be single and crazy until they are like 30, at which point they are so used up by sex drugs and alcohol to really even grab a mate.

I come from a place where all my friends were jocks and cheerleaders, or the stoner crowd (funny how often the two intermingled) so most of them love living VERY superficial lives. I live in a big city (PHX just took 5th biggest city away from Philly! hahaha) and everybody wants to live big lives. It is all about the bars and the clubs, and getting messed up and fighting, and on and on and on. I feel like an outcast among my own friends. I like to drink and all, but just socially, and I want a girl who is the same. Why does it have to be so hard to just find a regular god d@mn person?

The really sad thing is that I stopped hanging out with a lot of my friends for about a year thinking this would change. I hoped either they would grow up, or I would yearn for the crazy life again. That didn't happen in either respect. Now after my break up I am forced back into the life and all I want is a lifeline from a cute (doesn't have to be gorgeous), honest (god I hate liars), good person who is ready to settle down. Is that so much?

Ahhhh screw it!

[talon_9333]

I live in phoenix as well. I agree 100% about the female population in this city. Its really hard to find a girl. I feel alot like you though, i don't want to wait until i'm 40 before i have kids. The latest i want to wait is 27. I hope you find what your looking for. I did, only thing is she's not in this state lol.

[Vert]

Well, I'm 26 and I just went through a breakup after a 2 year relationship. She is 22, and claims that she is "not ready" for marriage and kids (even though I'm fine with no kids for a while). Most girls nowadays are set on having fun and not getting married for quite a while whereas guys seem to want to get it done earlier (obviously there are exceptions, but from my experience and watching friends it seems that girls are pushing the marriage age, not guys). I think the marriage age is now 26 or 27 for girls in the USA.

[Francis]

From the experience of my girlfriends (in my personal case, there was no sexism at home whatsoever), I have the impression that most women witnessed what they considered to be a lot of injustice at home.

 

The father exercising power over the mother in different ways: sometimes, just shutting them down and telling them how to think, or being in control of the zapper, reading the newspaper while the mother was making breakfast, dirtying the house while the mother was cleaning after them. The fact is that in most households of the old generation, there was significant injustice towards women. Even now, the statistics show that women who work full time do more than 75% of the house chores still.

 

In more serious cases, the man yelled at the mother, sometimes abusing her physically. Most of my girlfriends fathers also cheated on their wifes. Because of all these reasons, my girlfriends don't really seem to trust men very much and certainly don't really feel like getting married. Why put yourself throught the same s..t?

 

Even myself, who had a great dad (he's very religious and respectful of women, and always participated in the house chores) I find it difficult to find a good guy: most guys want to be in control and don't seem to understand 50-50. Of course they want a wife: she'll do the cooking, the dishes, the laundry, the vacuuming, and work full time, accept that guys look at other women, they go out with their friends on Friday night, etc. Also, sooner or later, he will be bored with you, he will look elsewhere.

 

In most cases, a woman will have to ask and insist and beg for the husband to help her with the house chores. And times have changed : women don't need to be supported anymore. They can work and support themselves.

 

My last boyfriend, for instance, good looking, a lawyer, but at home he was a real slob. I used to make dinner here every day, for him not to spend his money, etc. He NEVER helped me out and when he did, it was because I begged him. Ultimately, I stopped cooking and he had to take me every day to the restaurant! He never understood why I won't marry him! Also, he had no tolerance for my views and opinions, always trying to get me to change, and he flirted with other women. Why should I marry him?

 

I think that if you want to get married, you must make sure to tell the women you meet that you are different from other men and you have to act accordingly, unless you are willing to accept a woman who cannot take care of herself financially and who is looking for someone to support her.

[mtastic]

I feel I'm in the same boat as you guys. I'm 21 and in college in Philly (evidently now the 6th largest city in the US and it seems like most of the girls I know just want to go out and party and be wild, and it seems like most of the guys i know are like that too. I guess I am just different, I've never really had any kind of wild streak, I just want to find someone to settle down with.

[american dream]

Hey Francis, you are right about some girls coming from a bad home. That is where my ex came from. I did everything to show her she could trust me though, and she did not react well to a stable environment. In fact when things got good and normalized she got crazy. But from personal experience, no matter how good you are to someone, if they want to be a crazy f..k it is their choice.

[Vert]

Francis,

I understand, and I told my ex-gf that I started to take her for granted and that's why she is confused about me. When we first started dating, I would cook for her, clean up, and generally act very orderly. For the past year, she would complain about how I was being a slob (in my defense it would be a shirt on the floor on my part when she'd leave all kinds of trash in my car too...), not cooking anymore, and not taking care of my body better. She broke up with me two weeks ago, but won't give a reason. I know what the reasons are, and they are fixable but she doesn't seem to want to give me a chance.

 

With that being said, girls do a lot of what you're talking about as well. There are equally as inept women at cooking or not being flirtatious or what not. While we're on the topic of equality, let's at least acknowledge that.

 

I do not want a woman to simply be at home cooking, cleaning, etc. I want a woman that wants to live life, work out (be active, in general), be social, and not complain about my shortcomings. I made it a point not to whine and complain about things she did wrong, but if anything I did came up it was a definite topic of conversation. I understand that might be stereotyping, but I'd rather not have a Marge Simpson calibre whiner.

[Christi84]

Well , I'm glad that there are guys like you out there somewhere. I'm a girl that wants to settle down and I find it hard to find guys that are like that. Most guys that I meet are into partying or clubbing all the time, not very responsible, don't take things seriously. It's hard to look at guys like that and imagine them being ready to settle....ever. Don't worry guys..there's nice, suitable girls out there who are ready to settle down. Don't stop looking.

[Vert]

Christi,

I know those girls are out there, and I wish I didn't have to go looking again I love my ex-gf and miss her dearly, but I do know when it's over and I'm not going to grovel for her back. I am definitely not into clubbing or partying, and my ex-gf definitely was into the bar scene. That's one big area where we differed, but I thought it was workable. I guess I was wrong

[pinkfairy]

I wish I knew someone like the guys that responded! All the guys I know all they want to do is "play the field" go out and get drunk and not worry about anything else.

I was just broken up with after a five year relationship. My boyfriend's excuse: he wasn't ready for a commitment and he wasn't looking for a soulmate.

Sincere people are very hard to find ( In all states I am sure not only AZ! )

But hopefully the long wait will in time find us the perfect person...

[mahlina]

Hi American Dream,

 

Your post caught my attention. I read it a few days ago. I'm glad that there are guys like you around. I think that there are also girls who want the same thing as you too. In fact, I'd love to settle down and be a cool hip mom/wife, have a full blown career, live in a comfortable house, and come home to two kids and one dog. However, the only thing that's hindering me, is the fact that I need to finish school.

 

It's not that there aren't as many girls who desire to have the same things as you do. It's several of other factors that limit their ability to do so. For me, it's not so much because of my age, it's more financial than anything. I'd love to be financially stable by myself, before I settle down. I'd love to own my own house as a single person, before I meet 'the right person'. My reasons are not because "I'm young, I want to party, and don't want to be tied down." It's more like I'd rather be single for a while, and learn how to deal with things on my own before I find that special person to be with for the rest of my life. Some people just want to enjoy their independence for a little while, minus the partying and getting drunk part. Some people like to live life in solitude, for just a while.

 

I know what you mean about the seemingly endless party scenes, and friends who don't grow out of it. I still have friends who are into that partying, clubbing, going out to bars, and getting drunk. But I don't hang out with them as often, because I realize that there are more important things in life. Not that I don't enjoy going out to dance every now and again. I just limit to once in a while. Besides, I like that sponteneity sometimes. Anyway, I'm sure that there are lots of girls who have the same values as you do. Hang in there. Don't loose hope. Do what you gotta do, and sooner or later, you'll meet that right person when you least expect it. Mahlina

[Bodina]

I just wanted to let you know that there ARE women out there who want what you want. I happen to be one of them, my boyfriend on the othe hand is much like the women you find yourself dating...not ready. He is 33 and I am 27, over the past couple of years I have wondered if there were guys that might want to settle down? Does such a man exist? It is refreshing to find a young man like yourself who does not want to remain footloose and fancy free for the rest of your life, but who wants to begin his life with someone, have children, own a home, be a damned grown-up.

I wish you luck in your search for Ms. Right. Finding the love of your life may take time, but when you meet her you'll know she's the one. Don't rush things too much, if you are a good person and you treat others with respect and respect yourself, you will get yours honey. Rest assured that there are good women out there, and one is looking for you too.

[american dream]

Thanks for the replys all! It is so cool to be at this place in life and hear from other people that hey, it may work out someday after all. Mahlina and bodina a special thanks. I don't know why exactly, but a special thanks to you two lovely ladies anyway!

 

 

[idontgetit]

bodina,

 

i completely understand where you're coming from. i was ready to settle down...got all of the partying out of my system, and then figured out the guy i was with hadn't. it's not even a phenomenon only in the states...it's also overseas as well!!! different religions, different cultures....there's something that has gone haywire with the settling down gene somehow.

[Bodina]

Now you have to keep us updated on chicks you meet!

[Bodina]

Ms. I don't get it,

 

You are sooo right on!! Guys are the same no matter where you go. They do seem to lack the "being cozy with someone forever" gene. I know sooooooooo many women (myself included) who spent the better part of her early 20's hanging around with idiot guys who we would NEVER dream of marrying, but then somehow when you meet Mr. Right, that all changes, suddenly, your ready for the ring, the house, the kids it all can happen very fast. I think the part of the problem lies in the guy's inability to mature at the same rate as the woman. Its really tough to be in a position where you are ready to move forward with your relationship (or finding a lasting one), and there is so much fear in the hearts of men. I can't help but wonder, what the heck are these guys waiting for?! We are cute chicks, were smart and kind and frankly good luck to them AND the Red Sox if they think they can do better! I personally plan to wait another year before I give the ol' *&%! or get off the pot routine to my guy. Actually, I say that now, but really, I am lucky to have found my guy he is really great. But the lack of real commitment can definitely have an adverse effect on the health of a relationship. Good luck to you chica, and keep us posted!

 

Cheers, Corrina

[juz4storm]

WAIT! You're young so just date right now. Have you ever heard not to look for it, it will find you? I just went through a dramatic breakup and I really don't want to rush into anything. I'm affraid it might be a rebound and I might treat her like I want to treat my ex. Would she be the one? I won't be able to find out until I'm happy with myself. So wait!

 

You can have any women fall in love with you if she's interested but you'll only spend the rest of your life with one person. Think about that. Life life to the fullest and improve yourself by yourself. Your soul mate will be very happy and that's were your forever marriages come from.

[light bulb]

I thought I had found 'the one' but she turned out to be just like the girls you're talking about. I should have seen it coming b/c she loved to drink and 'forget'. She also came from a bad household, but for some reason, still chooses to live there (actually, I know the reason...because daddy has money and purses, shoes, and clothes are more important than anything else). I'm sooo flippin pissed when I think about the wasted time with this girl. I wanted to settle down around this point in my life (and she always told me she did too) and now I have to start all over again...probably with some expired party girl who's already sowed her oats.

[Vert]

Bodina, I take umbrance with that post mainly because I am one of those "be cozy" guys. I love the idea of having one woman for the rest of my life, and having her always there to love on me an share my life. My ex-gf was the total opposite -- never wanted to snuggle too much, didn't want to get married, and ended up being basically "a guy" that you described. I guess we had a bit of role reversal because I wanted the relationship and the loving aspect and she just wanted a boyfriend.

 

I am still that same guy that wants to "be cozy with someone forever" so I guess I have that gene.

[Derek]

I like that idea:

 

"be cozy with someone forever"

 

 

 

[mtastic]

Same here, I love the idea of meeting someone who'll always be there, and living a nice cozy life with them.

[Bodina]

We have some really nice guys hanging around this place!...and they are close to my age? The sad fact is that girls want to "change" a guy, they want the inconsiderate, disrespectful guys and they want to make him like you two guys. When I was younger I would have said "he is too nice.." I once turned down a 2nd date with a "nice" guy because...and this is no joke...I didn't like the way he breathed! Yep, he had this like nose blockage or something, it was so annoying. But looking back, I see that I just needed an excuse not to see him again. Because, get this...I was afraid. Afraid to be treated nice, afraid to fall in love. Girls are funny that way, we want to be challenged and to feel like we have "won" and taming the untamable guy even for a short time can be the best feeling.

 

It is an amazing day when a woman to finally realizes what she deserves and wants in a partner. When I met my boyfriend I realized that he was a very nice person, and it seemed very natural to be with him. In additon to him being super-nice and kind and cozy, he can be a jerk at times too. The key is balance. And girls everywhere one day, will realize one day soon that what they have been searching for is a "nice" guy. When they are done being treated like crap. They will come searching for you, and if you guys are half as cute as you are charming, you'll have to beat them off with a stick.

[Vert]

Bodina, everytime I heard this good guy vs bad boy debate I remember a line from X-men 2.... check my signature to see what I mean.

[idontgetit]

i disagree..."good guys" leave too. maybe there is no such thing. maybe there is a little bad in all guys. i had a perfectly happy relationship until 10 weeks ago.

[light bulb]

There's a little bad in everyone...nobody's perfect.