Love astray soon... freinds, fear and freedom

[Paradigm]

This is my first time ever posting anything. But the reason why I am posting tonight is because I am in a relationship with someone right now that I know for a fact is going bad. I met this girl 2 years ago through a friend and at the very beginning it was like heavn. We went out with my friends, we enjoyed our company and everything was well. But as time went by I (being the fool in love) did not notice her "real" self. She is a very manipulative person in many ways, temperamental, and difficult to talk to. On the other hand, she can be very loving, family oriented person. The thing is she is always competing with me, she for the most part is self absorbed (Self centred) and she is always accusing me of being this way. People have suggested that I should tak to her about these things. But she gets extremely defensive, nasty and diffcult to talk to when you bring these issues up. She has told me when she gets upset that she doesnt love me but then she says it because she knows that my reactions are to try to keep it going.

 

I feel like im in the dating twilight zone. She wants us to get married under her terms and I do not necessaily agree to her terms. Also, I have sacraficed some friendships with other people because of the fact she didnt "approve" of them. According to her she didn't trust them and that it had nothing to do with me.

 

I think the thing that angers me the most of all this is that this is the second time this happens to me. I promised myself not to be in this situation and somehow 5 years after my last serious relatationship, this new serious relationship ends up in the same condition as the last. I have this urge to contact the people that i use to talk to but i guess fear them not understanding my situation. Its like would like to have the same level of freidnship with the people have given up for this girl, but why would they if i havent been there for them the last 2 years. Not only that but I now in a stage in my life where I am a couple of weeks from graduation from the university and I feel like I have fallen off track with this whole ordeal.

 

Writing this post helps in letting whats been in for so long come out. Have spoken to some friends of mine via the internet without her knowing because I know it would be a David versus Goliuth fight if she knew, but I still have to question the fact that does she have the right to restrict me from talking to friends I knew before we met. My friendship with the very person who got us together is virtually extinct and she is good friends with her. I know that if we were to split I could imagine the crap she would say to people about me just to piss me off.

 

I know from my previous experince that NO CONTACT is the solution if and when the day comes that we go our separate ways. I vowed to keep that promise, but its the disarray. Kind like things are not the wasy they were before the relationship that worries me.

[Shy_Guy]

Let's get down to the core of the problem - if you feel as though you're being pinned in and controlled in this relationship, will you TRULY be happy should you marry? Personally, I don't think so. A mutually nurturing, caring, thriving relationship involves the give and take between both parties. Being enveloped in love, but without being smothered in it. Having opinions of your own and recognizing that your partner has the equal right and expectation to have their own opinions, even if they're contrary to yours. It's called RESPECT. MUTUAL respect. She may very well love you, but she OBVIOUSLY doesn't respect you. At least as I read your description of how things are.

 

Let's also face it - if you two should break up, feeling as you do about how she controls you, do you REALLY care about what she says/thinks/does? I wouldn't.

 

Good luck in whatever you decide.