Paradigm

Unfortunately religion is a very touchy subject and I think its a biggy in relationships. I have noticed that with my current rocky relationship and your situation reminds me of a situation encountered by one of my dad's friend. He was of a particular religion and he was dating an oriental girl. From what I understood he really loved and she reciprocated that feeling. However, because she wasnt of this particular reliagion, his mother forbid him from marrying her and in fact she didnt want him even seeing her. He was faced with that same situation either her or pleasing his family and chose to leave her so not to cause any strife in his house hold. The fact of the matter is that it is ultimately his decision. And if he feels thats what he must do then there is really nothing you can do. However, did he know before getting serious woth you that his religo might be a problem? See I think that when in love we only tend to see what we want and tend to ignore potential problems like money, culture and religion etc.. because we are self indulged with that person at the moment. I think there comes a time when you must make choices for yourself and even though he knows how you feel about him he is still going off to get married with someone else. It is his responsibility to let his family know that he wants to do something else even if that may cause srtife because ultimately you make decisions that affect your life yourself and others shouldnt be telling you who to marry, what career to pursue. Keep your head up, focus on your needs and take break and be alone for a while if things go astray. I saw a post here the other day that list the step of grief and I think it articulates the stage of healing very well. You stay strong, let your emotions out, and accept the fact that this inevitable circumstance is here. The sooner you can accpet this the sooner you will be able to get back to "normal". Good luck and KIT through the posts

This is my first time ever posting anything. But the reason why I am posting tonight is because I am in a relationship with someone right now that I know for a fact is going bad. I met this girl 2 years ago through a friend and at the very beginning it was like heavn. We went out with my friends, we enjoyed our company and everything was well. But as time went by I (being the fool in love) did not notice her "real" self. She is a very manipulative person in many ways, temperamental, and difficult to talk to. On the other hand, she can be very loving, family oriented person. The thing is she is always competing with me, she for the most part is self absorbed (Self centred) and she is always accusing me of being this way. People have suggested that I should tak to her about these things. But she gets extremely defensive, nasty and diffcult to talk to when you bring these issues up. She has told me when she gets upset that she doesnt love me but then she says it because she knows that my reactions are to try to keep it going. I feel like im in the dating twilight zone. She wants us to get married under her terms and I do not necessaily agree to her terms. Also, I have sacraficed some friendships with other people because of the fact she didnt "approve" of them. According to her she didn't trust them and that it had nothing to do with me. I think the thing that angers me the most of all this is that this is the second time this happens to me. I promised myself not to be in this situation and somehow 5 years after my last serious relatationship, this new serious relationship ends up in the same condition as the last. I have this urge to contact the people that i use to talk to but i guess fear them not understanding my situation. Its like would like to have the same level of freidnship with the people have given up for this girl, but why would they if i havent been there for them the last 2 years. Not only that but I now in a stage in my life where I am a couple of weeks from graduation from the university and I feel like I have fallen off track with this whole ordeal. Writing this post helps in letting whats been in for so long come out. Have spoken to some friends of mine via the internet without her knowing because I know it would be a David versus Goliuth fight if she knew, but I still have to question the fact that does she have the right to restrict me from talking to friends I knew before we met. My friendship with the very person who got us together is virtually extinct and she is good friends with her. I know that if we were to split I could imagine the crap she would say to people about me just to piss me off. I know from my previous experince that NO CONTACT is the solution if and when the day comes that we go our separate ways. I vowed to keep that promise, but its the disarray. Kind like things are not the wasy they were before the relationship that worries me.