Cilantro Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Since I found out my husband cheated on me with his ex (I found out just before we married), I'm terrified walking into stores, restaurants, ect, because I'm scared I'll run into her somewhere. I've never met her and have only seen lots of pictures of her. I'm positive I could pick her out on the street. The only problem is that I don't want to. We live in a small town and I just feel like I'm bound to run into her. I can't sit in a restaurant without looking at every table. I scan stores I'm in to see her face. I'm not even doing it on purpose. I just do it instinctively now. I haven't told my husband I have this fear of running into her. I don't even know if she'd recognize me. Though I've seen pictures of her, I'm not sure she's ever seen pictures of me or could pick me out. But even still, I keep plaguing myself with these thoughts of seeing her and playing scenarios over in my head. I don't know how to overcome these thoughts. Link to comment
ToF Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Perhaps you shouldn't have married him.. ? Link to comment
Cilantro Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Perhaps you shouldn't have married him.. ? That's not helpful Link to comment
Cilantro Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Move out of state. I'd like to but that's not an option right now. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I'd like to but that's not an option right now. Well, it just so happened that we eventually did that. Was a nice relief because that never got better for me. But you just deal. Link to comment
Cilantro Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Well, it just so happened that we eventually did that. Was a nice relief because that never got better for me. But you just deal. Did you ever get over the feelings of seeing the other woman? even somewhere else? Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 well if he cheated on you im sure you two talked it out, what do you think this women is going to tell you? Link to comment
Moontiger Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 There really isn't much you can do. You live in a small town and you don't plan on moving. You have chosen to stick with this man, so this comes with the territory. Why are you so afraid of running into her? Its not like she can tell you anything you don't already know. Link to comment
Cilantro Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 No it's not that I'm worried about what I'll find out from her. I don't really know what I'd expect if I did run into her. I suspect I'd want to hit her but wouldn't. Or not say anything at all. I guess just seeing her in public, I fear, would make it feel too real for me. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 well i guess this is kind of like a break up, you have anger inside of you and you dont want to see her for the fear of getting mad right?best thing you can do is dont go to to many places. heal from the pain and it will get easier when the anger gos away u might not even care if u see her. at the end u have your men dont forget that Link to comment
Cilantro Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 She lives in a town about 25 miles away from us so Im sure theres not much chance of running into her but I still worry Link to comment
ToF Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 That's not helpful It's my advice. If this is how your marriage feels to you, then maybe it's not the right marriage for you to be in. How long are you willing to live like this? Ten years? Twenty? Have you tried individual and couples' counseling? Link to comment
Cilantro Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 It's my advice. If this is how your marriage feels to you, then maybe it's not the right marriage for you to be in. You said "You shouldn't have married him." It's a little late for that now. We're trying to work it out and are in counseling. But bad thoughts still creep up Link to comment
ToF Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 You said "You shouldn't have married him." It's a little late for that now. We're trying to work it out and are in counseling. But bad thoughts still creep up It's not too late for that. You have the right to leave the marriage if it isn't working for you. He cheated on you, you tried to work it out anyway. If it turns out that you can't get past his infidelity (which is understandable), then you have the right to leave. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 No it's not that I'm worried about what I'll find out from her. I don't really know what I'd expect if I did run into her. I suspect I'd want to hit her but wouldn't. Or not say anything at all. I guess just seeing her in public, I fear, would make it feel too real for me. Why on EARTH would you want to hit -her-? Why don't you hit HIM? He's the one who knew he was getting married, and did it, anyhow. How is it HER fault? Link to comment
ToF Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Why on EARTH would you want to hit -her-? Why don't you hit HIM? He's the one who knew he was getting married, and did it, anyhow. How is it HER fault? Agree with this 100% Link to comment
Cilantro Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Why on EARTH would you want to hit -her-? Why don't you hit HIM? He's the one who knew he was getting married, and did it, anyhow. How is it HER fault? I did hit him. I punched him a lot. He recently admitted he's scared of me because of the way I react. She knew he was getting married. She was cheating on her husband with my husband. She's not a good person. I know she's not to blame for my husband's infidelity. I just have thoughts. Link to comment
ToF Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I did hit him. I punched him a lot. He recently admitted he's scared of me because of the way I react. She knew he was getting married. She was cheating on her husband with my husband. She's not a good person. I know she's not to blame for my husband's infidelity. I just have thoughts. What about this marriage is worth it to you? Link to comment
ladyninja30 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 It's rough, I've been there already... Link to comment
Cilantro Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 What about this marriage is worth it to you? I'm taking it day by day. I want to give it an honest effort. We've had more good days than bad days since the wedding. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 was there on my firs relation. it sucks not worth getting back Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 You said "You shouldn't have married him." It's a little late for that now. We're trying to work it out and are in counseling. But bad thoughts still creep up It was not too late when you created a thread about him cheating before you got married, and about 30 different people were telling you to call off, or at least delay, they wedding. It's not too late to separate now. But you chose to marry a cheater so this is the consequence of that. Link to comment
Cilantro Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 It wasn't as easy as many people wanted to make it out to be Link to comment
ToF Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 It wasn't as easy as many people wanted to make it out to be So what's done is done. Many people advised you not to marry him or at least wait to marry him, but you chose to take this path, and now you're experiencing the consequences. What sort of help are you looking for? I'm not being sarcastic; honestly, what can I (we) help you with? I can't offer sympathy or support your decision, but I'd like to know what else you're looking for. Link to comment
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