No1 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I say why not send her a Happy Birthday text? Its the decent thing to do IF you two shared her birthday last year. If you didnt, then I would probably just let this one slide, but if you two were together for her birthday last year, then Id say go for it. It would be odd to be in NC for 2 months then read a "happy birthday" text, but if you truly mean Happy Birthday and nothing else by it and like Annie said a non reply wouldnt hurt, then Id say send her one. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I say why not send her a Happy Birthday text? Its the decent thing to do IF you two shared her birthday last year. If you didnt, then I would probably just let this one slide, but if you two were together for her birthday last year, then Id say go for it. It would be odd to be in NC for 2 months then read a "happy birthday" text, but if you truly mean Happy Birthday and nothing else by it and like Annie said a non reply wouldnt hurt, then Id say send her one. But when dumpees wish their ex a happy birthday, they do not have the intention just to wish them a happy birthday - they have other motives for sending it, such as the dumper not forgetting them, or to keep the door open for reconciliation, to open communication. So the dumpee is not just a friend because they have feelings for the dumper so they are lying when they say that they only want to wish them a happy birthday and are not expecting anything else because that would be a lie. They have tons of expectations actually. Link to comment
livestrong23 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Drama's right...so I didn't text. Feel awful, like door is completely shut...but i Didn't want to break nc and the strength I've shown to simply get a "thank you reply. My thoughts are now she knows I would need to be fought for if she wanted me back....even tho that wldnt happen for quite a while, if ever. I did the right thing for me, but holy crap it was tough to get thru today!!!! Livestrong (I did today Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 You did well with that decision, livestrong. If SHE wants you back, SHE will bust the door down herself. It was HER choice to let you go and to slam that door. You have done nothing wrong here. You can't lose her because she has already chosen not to be with you. See it as her loss. You sound like a great guy. Link to comment
livestrong23 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Thank you drama, ur support (and everyones at ena) is VERY MUCH appreciated! Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Ex's birthday? That's a definite no-show. Link to comment
No1 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I agree that if you send out a text of any kind weather is be "happy Birthday" or "Happy Arbor Day" if your intention is to have you in their mind, then no, its not a good reason to text someone. You are better off just letting it go. But if you really have no motivation, and the emotional attachment is gone, then Id say go for it. I can send out Happy Birthday text to an X that Im completely over and not be hurt if I do get a reply or not. I know that if they read Happy Birthday, it just makes them feel better. I need nothing in return, no validation of any kind, but thats only after no emotion is still attached to an X. Link to comment
livestrong23 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Yeah, that was the problem for me. I know the response I would have gotten and it would of been a simple "thank you and I could live with that. However, what I'm not prepared to live with at this moment in my healing process is a reset of NC to 1, the obsessant thoughts of "ok, what's the next reason I get to txt her" and the "She can leave and not show any progress to me and I'm still there" from her side. The reason I struggled is because she knows that I intentionally ignored it as she knows I never forget any thing symbolic in our relationship, and did that show spite or close the door forever. But Drama and others made a good point that as it stands now, the door is shut and a happy birthday text isn't going to open it and could also close it even more if it is still open. In addition, the poster that said "hey you who didn't want me in your life right now, happy birthday really hit a core with me. That hit my self respect, why should I be the one reaching out, she dumped me and she knows I love her and I ended it with class so it really is her job to reach out if she ever wants to. I don't ever expect to hear from her and I get that, but that doesn't mean I'm over it as I still WANT to hear from her. When the day comes that the want is gone, I'll be healed. Could be a long time but it just means I really loved her and I'm proud of that, proud of my capability to love and I don't regret a thing even though this hurts like *ell. Livestrong Link to comment
Kev0s1983 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Really glad I read this thread today. Have woken in Oz and although my ex lives in the UK and wont be awake for a few more hours and wake to her birhtday *probably* with the guy she ditched me for, I do want to send a birthday email. (Cant text as dont know her number!). But nearly all posts in this thread really make a huge amount of sense and are justified with sound reasoning. I sure as hell dont want to waste over three months of NC to send a bday message to a girl who broke my heart. Livestrong, I know your ex's birthday was a few days ago but kudos to you for having the strength to stay silent. It aint easy!! *probably* cos I have zero idea if they are still seeing eachother or not. Ignorance is annoying but less painful than some questions best left unanswered. Link to comment
Dryyoureyes Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 "keep face,suffer" guess that sums it up for NC in the beginning. I wouldn´t contact the ex for their birthday if you have been the dumpee.... They choose to not have you in their life anymore, so accept that fact. If you are not interested in being friends after a while I don´t see a reason in showing that you still care. In a years time for the next birthday, you would find it awkward to send a happy birthday msg.....like with any other friend you haven´t had any contact with for over a year! Make it your day instead. Go out, do sports, treat yourself nice. It´s not a special day for you anymore. Keep your selfrespect. If I rmbr it right, I didn´t even care if my exs send me happy bday msgs on my birthday (for those exs when I was the dumper), in fact I can hardly rmbr if they did, because I just didn´t care that much. Link to comment
lizzy92 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TEXT HER !!!! Why? Because she's expecting you too.....so do the unexpected and it will throw her a mile and have her gagging and wondering why. Infact its the perfect oppertunity to demonstrate that your doing just fine without her (even if your not) and for the sake of recieving the predictable "thank You" in reply (or nothing) you have to ask yourself "is it really worth it?" Do the unexpected....i did and the result was amazing! Link to comment
livestrong23 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 I didn't txt her. I will admit tho that my emotions were all over the board that day. I'm a nice person so it really was hard. I'm still not myself as I feel like I played a game and I pride myself on not playing games. I'm so glad that day is over with, I know each day I move away from it, I will feel better. Link to comment
livestrong23 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 Hey lizzy, care to share the amazing result u speak of? Be nice to hear about something positive Link to comment
lizzy92 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Sorry i didnt realise there was another page of threads when i was posting the "dont text her reply"..... Firstly well done, you brave boy i know how tough that was for you but believe me youve got her thinking more about you now than if youd text. Trust me on this. I was dumped 2 months before christmas and spent days and weeks wondering what to do about texting a greeting on Christmas day. My heart told me i should, it also told me if i didnt it would set the precident for any future christmas and birthdays to come and figured if i didnt text i would never hear from him again......Well, My heart lied My head, my friends and my family told me ABSOLUTELY NO WAY do not text him, they even went on to say he's expecting it and dont be suprised if he dont send you any greeting either. It hurt like hell and the long day came and went without a word and at midnight on new years eve he text "happy new year....are you okay?" I didnt reply and 2 weeks later he text again saying he was thinking of me and wondering how i was? and again i didnt reply. A week went by and he text again..."would you like to meet up sometime just as friends" ignored that one too Few days later " i love you and miss You" ignored again (Now some of you may be thinking what a crack pot i am not to respond and how i could be pushing him away forever but the bigger part of me knew that the minute i responded complacentcy would set in on his part... and sadly thats just the way he is but my plan was to break the pattern of his behaviour and if i couldnt...then i seriously didnt want him ) Finally he rang but i didnt answer. He became so desparate to contact me that 3 days later he rang using a public phone box, i didnt recognise the number so i answered and we got chatting but after 15 mins i told him i had to go and said id call him back in a few days.....but i didnt I really and trully wasnt playing games i wanted "US" so badly but not in the way that it was or had been. I wanted him to feel the same pain and the loss that i had felt to such an extent that he would never risk losing me again. I knew if id realiably rang him it wouldve come to nothing and i didnt want to hurt myself all over again. I also knew that by putting myself in the drivers seat would give me time to regain my self esteem and hopefully give him time to realise what he really wanted. So i left it and didnt call, i figured if he wanted me he contact me. It was a gamble but i was prepared to loose him if he didnt want me. And sure enough 2 weeks later he called and asked if i would meet him, i agreed and we had a good evening, it was all very lighthearted, we didnt address any issues as to why he broke it off i just figured it really wasnt the right time and knew it would only cast a gloom on the evening. I cant tell you how happy i was but managed to keep my cool and not get too excited in front of him. He dropped me home and said hed collect me next day and wed have a great day out. Next day he called to tell me he needed time to work things out? What the F*** ? At that point i gave up i told myself hed had 3mths to realise what he wanted and he was just messing with my head or trying to regain the upperhand. I felt like a fool for believing him, hed hurt me so much and i was determined he would not hurt me again so i told him i had just started dating someone else (it wasnt true but i couldnt bear the way he was treating me) i said it wasnt serious and although i did have feelings for the other guy i wouldve been prepared to give him (my ex) one last chance. I told him he had blown it and his response was full of bravado in a bid to regain power....So I just ignored him A week later he rang asking me out but i turned him down. A month later he text how are you? I replied fine. He asked if he could call over to collect something he left at my place and had forgotten about? I said id post it. 2 weeks later he remembered something else he left in my cellar....i didnt and havent replied since I still love him and miss him but i feel that if we got back together he would continue with the same old crap. I simply cant bear it anymore, ive allowed him to wreck my head in the past but enough is enough now. I have to be strong and move on, its difficult but i think i have kept my pride and dignity in place while he continues to either bury his feelings for fear of rejection or continues to play some ridiculous game i really dont know which it is but as every week and month passes i get stronger and stronger. Ive remained single because i dont feel the need or desire to date someone else yet, i also dont want to end up in some awful rebound situation, been there done that and it just left me cold in the past. Id love to be telling you a happy ever after story that wed got back together and resolved all of our differences etc but instead my story is more about human nature it proves and demonstrates that even when someone doesnt want you (or seemingly doesnt want you) there are certain things (like no contact) that definitely trigger a response or reaction and you CAN...STILL...turn things around. I suspect my story will have a sequel.....and ill be delighted to share it with you all. Be brave folks and believe in the power of no contact, it REALLY REALLY WORKS!! Link to comment
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