4 months NC then he text me in order to avoid me :(

[lozzy1980]

so NC was going really well no news at all . but there was this big night on last night which everyone we both know were going, and there was no way i was gonna miss it (some of my favourite DJs and rarely play where i live). the event was on facebook so i could see he had said he was attending. but i was still not going to miss this, and geared myself up ready to be non challant and just felt ready - was gonna leave though if i found it got too much.

 

However,

sadly though my best mate's brother died suddenly last saturday, so i had to go away for funeral etc and obviously i were not in mood now to go yesterday.

 

when i got back from funeral in ireland on thurs, my ex had left one of my dvds for me at my parents where i have had to move to after break up, then yesterday about 8pm he text me this:

 

 

are you going ### tonight? if so i wont go

 

yes, he even put a smiley on end of it.

 

now... i know i shouldnt have replied but because it was a question i felt i had to i know , i know , i know!!!!! i am so annoyed my friend i was with who still wanted to go that night was shouting at me saying this is still his way of controlling me, that i owe him nothing after what he did, i do not need to reply. but i did, basically telling him that ### died last sat and so we wont be going. and told him to enjoy his night. (thought i might as well tell truth as well, and he can then let others know about ### dying as it is really sad and all his mates/ppl at the night would have known him and my best mate too, did deliberate for a while about this bit but in end yes i told him.. never is easy to know who to tell and what to say in these situations)

 

he replied sayin he didnt know ### died, and to pass on his sympathies to my mate., and take care.

 

i didnt reply to this.

 

am i stupid for replying to first text? i think i already know answer to that. but then again would it be rude to ignore him? wish i had a new number now! Is this a really bad break of NC?? i do not feel to set back by it, but do feel a bit annoyed like my mate said, he still has some control.

 

and why was he saying he wont go if i do??? was it to spare my feelings? thinks after 4 months i'd break down? oh please....wish i could tell him not to flatter himself! maybe he feared what me and my mates would have done? perhaps he is really too ashamed to face me?? and why after 4 months then drop that dvd round??any thoughts guys????x

[mad rabbits]

and why was he saying he wont go if i do??? was it to spare my feelings? thinks after 4 months i'd break down? oh please....wish i could tell him not to flatter himself! maybe he feared what me and my mates would have done? perhaps he is really too ashamed to face me?? and why after 4 months then drop that dvd round??any thoughts guys????x

 

Well yes, he still has some control, and this tailspin of questioning proves it! That's why they do this....to start the questions rolling....

 

However you really didn't handle this badly at all I think. I think I read your old thread but I can't remember your backstory... but yes he seems to have a high opinion of himself if after all this time he feels the need to excuse himself from events you are attending. Or, a great deal of guilt about something. Or, trying to be kind in a misguided way. The interpretation of this would depend on the context of his character and the history you share.

[lavenderdove]

Many people feel guilty/uncomfortable seeing an ex, and will go to great lengths to avoid running into them. Or perhaps he is trying to break the ice in hopes you'll respond back that it is fine and you can be friends and not care whether you run into each other or not. If he is the dumper he may be the point where he has no animosity and may even want to be friends, though he no longer has romantic feelings anymore.

 

Since he told you he didn't love you anymore, and there is really no future with him, i'd just go right back into no contact and continue your healing. Since you still have feelings for him, the less you hear from him and the less you think about him, the sooner you'll get over him. So you are not rude to not respond to him, if he broke up with you and is no longer your BF. You need to focus on YOU and doing what his right for your healing rather than worrying about what he is thinking or feeling or trying to be his buddy when what you need to be doing is letting go. Your friends have your interests at heart when they tell you it is time to stop responding to him and thinking about him. He is no longer your BF and doesn't want to be, so keeping contact with him only sets you back.