PrettyGood Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 My best female friend (let's call her Alice) made love with another girl (lets call her Patricia). We're all 27 y.o. She's not a lesbian, but her partner was bisexual. So yesterday we all met at the concert. After all we went to have afterparty at the dance club. We drank beer - Patricia bought me several for free. And at the end of the weekend she gave me so much compliments for my appearance (I felt like a real beauty!) And then we went to dance, after all she began stroking my head like making some kind of massage with her fingers through my hairs (saying "isn't that pleasant? do you like it?") and tried to touch my face from the very close angle. But I felt so confused that I just began laughing and went to dance. She came to me and began dancing together - tried to take my hands and embrace me (wow we were surrounded at least 6 guys around who were interested in our dance) I knew she's bisexual, but it's a secret between Patricia and Alice. I told Alice what she did to me and that I felt not very much comfortable about it. Today Patricia added me to FB. Alice said that she liked me so much and that Patricia tries to flirt with me not for being simple friends. I'm not a lesbian. I'm interested just in men. So what should I do? Note: it's a secret that I know about her sexual orientation. I want to tell her that I'm not interested in women but how to say it without mentioning her orientation? Link to comment
Deejmonster Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Just state that there is this guy that you are really interested in and you aren't sure how to approach him. As if you are asking for advice... she should get the point that you aren't interested in females. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Dell Deejmonster, she knows I had a boyfriend who dumped me and that I love him very much, but it seems that she doesn't care that I'm straight... That's why I'm asking about it Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Deal with this the same way you would a guy who's hitting on you, but that you're not interested in. When you say that it's a secret that you know about her sexual orientation - she doesn't seem to be trying to hide it particularly, does she? Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Well yes, so I just should take her hands off me and say "Ok, stop it, I don't feel comfortable when you're doing it". Yes? Link to comment
Deejmonster Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 She is targeting you probably because she knows your vulnerable... yes, girls can do that too... not just guys.. Is this someone who you have daily contact with or are you close with this person? Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Well yes, so I just should take her hands off me and say "Ok, stop it, I don't feel comfortable when you're doing it". Yes? Yes - that should do nicely! I've said similar things to guys in the past. She is someone who is invading your personal space and trying to seduce you into sexual contact you don't want. Gender is immaterial here! Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Is this someone who you have daily contact with or are you close with this person? No, I saw her yesterday for a first time. But she added me on FB and now I think that she will try to contact me more frequently. She clearly said that I'm more interesting in person than Alice. Link to comment
bjnicole05 Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Just start conversation about a "friend" trying to hit on you and that you were flattered but not into girls. It doesnt even have to be a conversation directly to "Patricia", you can be speaking to "Alice" infront of "Patricia" and be laughing...Say..." Alice! I wanted to tell you, there is this girl at work, a very sweet girl.....but I think she may be hitting on me...How do I tell her that Im not interested in women?...She is so sweet I'd never want to offend her, not that I feel there is anything wrong with her sexual preference...but thats just not something I am into..." your just "asking" friends for advice, while making "Patricia" aware... Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Just start conversation about a "friend" trying to hit on you and that you were flattered but not into girls. It doesnt even have to be a conversation directly to "Patricia", you can be speaking to "Alice" infront of "Patricia" and be laughing...Say..." Alice! I wanted to tell you, there is this girl at work, a very sweet girl.....but I think she may be hitting on me...How do I tell her that Im not interested in women?...She is so sweet I'd never want to offend her, not that I feel there is anything wrong with her sexual preference...but thats just not something I am into..." your just "asking" friends for advice, while making "Patricia" aware... I think it needs to be more direct and assertive than this. If this woman is attempting unwanted contact, that can be rejected firmly and politely without mentioning her sexual orientation, just the same as it would with a guy. Link to comment
bjnicole05 Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Understandable, but if it is a friend that she would like to keep, even as an acquaintance...I figured a little bit of tact may be in order...clearly she doesnt get it, and is throwing her "best" game to attempt to make someone else question their sexuality...and it isnt working. But you know you could be right...Firm yet polite is always a good approach as well. I think it needs to be more direct and assertive than this. If this woman is attempting unwanted contact, that can be rejected firmly and politely without mentioning her sexual orientation, just the same as it would with a guy. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Understandable, but if it is a friend that she would like to keep, even as an acquaintance...I figured a little bit of tact may be in order...clearly she doesnt get it, and is throwing her "best" game to attempt to make someone else question their sexuality...and it isnt working. But you know you could be right...Firm yet polite is always a good approach as well. You can reject people tactfully - in fact I'd say that this is a valuable life skill. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Well I've asked Alice not so long ago "What should I do?" and she replied: "It's good that Patricia invited you to friends, but don't imagine her secret intentions. Maybe she just wants to be your friend? Don't give it prominence. You can tell her that I have noticed your taste into me and I'm not interested, I'm not attracted". Of course I think that I will use a given advise by these ENA members: nutbrownhare and bjnicole05. Thank you guys! Link to comment
catfeeder Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I wouldn't do an eggshell walk. When she's inappropriate I'd just casually laugh, look at her and say, "You know I'm straight, right?" If someone can't handle that, they aren't friendship material. Friends are people who are in the market for the same kind of relationship you are. If you feel at all squeamish about that, then you're being manipulated--and I'd question the value of spending time with this person. Link to comment
bjnicole05 Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Anytime Sugar I hope everything works out the way that you want it to. Link to comment
cyberknightmax Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 let me ask you something, when you and her were dancing together, how did you feel about that certain senerio? the reason that i ask this is that this also happened to one of my best female friends. she (lets call her monica) and the other girl (lets call her brenda) met up at this coffee house and they talked about each others feelings about what had happened the other night. what ended up happening after that is that monica had reallized that brenda had sincier intentions and they ended up going out on a date to see if this was what monica felt like you know what i mean? so instead of just telling her off you should have a sit down with her in public place and see what both of you are really thinking. Well yes, so I just should take her hands off me and say "Ok, stop it, I don't feel comfortable when you're doing it". Yes? Link to comment
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