are all relations like this?

[ferna3069]

i dont have alot experience in dating. im 21 and only had two relationships my whole life. my first one which was six months and the second one that was two years and four months. which is the most recent one.anyways here is the problem. when i was with ether of them we would spend time together. the problem was this . they would want to spend time together ten hours a day. im serios . i would tell them i want to spend time with family and that it would be a good idea for them to spend time with there family or have a new hobbie. i actualy helped my last ex get into a hobbie.the thing is they wouldnt want to.so the only thing we ever had arguments about was this.

 

its not like i would get get real mad or anything but i felt smootherd. so then it got from spending ten hours a day to none. then it would anoy me that we wouldnt talk.its not that i did not aprreciate spending time with ether one of them. the only thing is well i thought it would of been better if we spend some time together.not the whole day.i mean like in the weekends yeah it be fun to spend alot of time together or the whole day. and in the weekdays. well some time would be fine maybe two or three hours at the most.but for them it was the whole day every day.and also i thought maybe they could spend some time with there family. like when there family gos out with them spend time with them.

 

i dont know im just wondering if every relationship is lke that. and for the ones wondering i wasnt with them at the same time. my first relationship was when i was 14 my second well ended three months ago.

[zakky]

IMO its really not healthy to spend ten hours a day every day with your partner (unless you have to because of work). Its all about balance. You both need to have quality time for yourselves to do the things you enjoy separately, spend time with family, friends, your own interests. So, in answer to your question, no not all relationships are like that. Some people do function well doing everything together (i.e. seeing family, sharing interests, being with friends, but IMO everyone needs their 'me' time and in any case, it seems like you are neglecting those things to just spend time with your partner. In future relationships I would really set some personal boundaries early on and make sure that you get the balance right as it will make you much happier long term.

 

Note: i'm not saying you need to see family and friends separately, but you need to do those things rather than concentrate purely on your partner

[dramallama]

I agree with zakky. And I'd also like to add that spending time seperately helps give you confidence and helps you to sustain your identity as an individual. It also gives you the opportunity to miss your partner and time to reflect on what you like about being with them and time to look forward to seeing them.

[Capricorn3]

my first relationship was when i was 14

When I was reading your post my instant impression was "this sounds like immature high school romances. They sound very young" and then I got to the part where you mention age 14, lol. I think what you describe is typical of very young people and as one grows up and matures, it changes (thankfully).

[ferna3069]

thanks for the answers. im not going to date right now but i dont want to have the fear of been stuck to some one the whole day

[dramallama]

But this is where confidence comes in - it's not an unreasonable request to have some down-time and to negotiate how often you want to spend time with your partner. It's not something that just "happens" - you allowed your ex to spend 10 hours per day with you when you really should have asserted boundaries. And if it meant losing your girlfriend, then she probably wasn't mature enough to negotiate a relationship anyway.

[Silverbirch]

Oh Ferna, I've never ben able to do that because of work. Even though I've always been very busy with work and whatever, I so regret that I didn't have a good enough balance between work, family, friends and partner. I can understand why that would have made you feel crazy.

[ferna3069]

yeah, thats the things, they both made me feel like i was been to controling, because the only thing we would have an argument about was this . i nver cheated,called them names, hot them or anything.i set boundries and they told me no. they wanted to spend time with me

[dramallama]

Next time you need to set boundaries then. Women will respect you more if you do that, even if they initially chuck a hissy fit.