Argument with the ex and then she texts the next day...

[CrazyMiner]

The ex GF called last night. As a bit of a catch-up for those who haven't seen my other threads we had been together for 8 years (living together for 5) and she told me that she wanted to separate just over 2 months ago. We had just brought a house together around 6 months before the break-up. That's the basic outline, for anyone who wants to go a bit more indepth the first thread I wrote is here:

 

So she called up last night at around 6:00pm which was around the time that a mutual friend of ours told me that she had travelled to Sheffield (a city about 1.5 hours away for her each way) where the guy she has been on 2 or 3 dates with lives and that she stayed overnight there. So I was pretty upset and didn't answer her calls initially (I've also told this so called friend to stop giving me updates...). She kept ringing, every 30 minutes or so, on both my personal and my work mobile (cell) phones, so I thought there could be an emergency or something and finally answered at around 7:30pm. She wanted to know when she could come pick up the remainder of her stuff from the house, where I'm still living, and what days would be good for me. She was trying to basically pick a time when I wouldn't be there, and said she was going to be bringing a van along with 2 of her friends, her mum and her brother. I said I would prefer to be there so that we could divide up any joint stuff, and in the end she basically said "good to know that you have trust in the situation". I was being very polite, but was obviously a bit worried when she said she was bringing so many people along with a van as we are going to rent out the house and I could see things like the sofa's, TV etc disappearing if I wasn't there. She was at dinner and said she would call back later.

 

So she called back about an hour and a half later and we ended up talking for probably 30 minutes or so. We decided on a day that only she would come for (not her friends etc) and I persuaded her that she didn't need a van as it was a waste of money and she could fit it all in her car. She told me that she was trying to stick to the NC/LC letter that I had sent her and that was why she was saying about me not being there. I told her that I could give her a hand and then we could say a proper goodbye, which was my polite way of saying that I didn't want all her side helping themselves to things in the house and leaving me a bit over powered if we disagreed on anything... 5 on 1 it would have been!

 

I then asked her to return all my credit cards, as she had lent me £7,000 (US$11,000) around 3 weeks before we split so that I could pay off some of my student overdrafts and credit cards, and as part of the deal I gave her my credit cards so that I couldn't spend on them anymore, but I forgot to get them back when we had split. She had associate cards attached to some of my accounts as we were collecting points etc. She used one a few weeks ago when we were still trying to be friends so soon after the break up as she had run short of cash at a service centre, she had only spent £6 (US$10) and so that was fine. However, she went to the hairdressers last Wednesday and had some hair extensions put in which cost £220 (US$360) but didn't tell me she had used one. She even saw me 15 minutes later as she came to the house to collect some things but never actually said "I've used one of your cards". She did pay the money back the same day she spent it but I felt she had crossed a line there. It's one thing to do it when we are together and another to do it when we have separated.

 

So we argued about that for a while, and then off came her gloves, saying she was still paying her side of the mortgage and some of the bills since she had moved out, I owed her £7,000 etc (first time she has mentioned that since we broke up - I am paying her back at the agreed amount each month), and that the mortgage was still only in her name (not my fault, I have asked her multiple times to get me added to the mortgage but she hasn't sorted it although I've given her all the details - they won't speak to me as it's obviously in her name). This calmed down after a while after I told her that I had other things on my mind (I was going back into hospital today for tests and scans etc) and when she heard this she did sound a bit concerned, and we pretty much left it there.

 

She then sent me a text this morning which said "hope everything goes okay today. You need anything just call ok? (well text if before 10pm as I don't finish til then). X"

 

 

Could someone please analyse this sort of behaviour for me? I find it a bit confusing and don't really know what she is trying to do or get accross...

[mhowe]

She is still your ex, but your history together means she cares about you .... the hospital stuff.....and as you brought up the $$ issue, she responded with how she sees the $$ issues....I don't think she crossed the line to use the cards if she gave you the money for it the same day, since you owe her $$ anyway. She isn't trying to do anything, or get anything accross but the separation of your entwined lives....bringing family to help her move has nothing sinister about it.

[CrazyMiner]

It's amazing, I've thought about it and after making such a big thing out of nothing (the credit card thing) I want to text (not call) and apologise for casuing the argument. I did do most of the apologising during the relationship as I hated arguing so even if I felt things weren't my fault I would fight my corner for a bit and then say sorry just to end it. She would then give me that cheeky rye smile of hers and I'd see that glint in her eyes and we'd forget everything and just go back to cuddling on the sofa...

 

Or was it nothing? Was it wrong of her to use the card without ever asking me or telling me? I only found out when I checked my credit card bill.