Can't Get Over a Past Flame

[gobblegobble]

I cant seem to get over my past flame...This story goes back 4 years ago when I met this amazing girl that had everything I ever wanted in a woman and more. I talked to her for about a year and a half and gave her a love letter which was amazingly written. She was shocked to know that I felt that much for her but she let me down really easy.

 

These last 3 years I havent gotten any real sleep until recently when I finally figured out what I did wrong. I tried to get into her world but never let her into mine and never shared myself with her. I feel like that was the trick because there is so much good about me and I have accomplished a lot of things at a young age.

 

My problem is that I haven't seen her except once these 3 years with sparodic random texting. I am at a crossroads where I can finally breathe without her but she has set the bar pretty high. I can't live without finding a woman that reaches my expectations of something I have already experienced. Should I give it another shot to get this girl or move on? I have changed a lot since then been working at a furious pace to improve myself in everyway. She has a changed a bit too but not too much we seem to have even more in common now. Our mutual friend told me she just wants to have fun right now but I believe the right man can change that mindset. She can have fun being my girlfriend too! I am confident either way...

 

She saved my life in a way so I feel indebted to her as well...I don't want to go into the details its painful for me to recall.

[illustriousemm]

It's so easy to fall in love with the idea of a person...but that doesn't necessarily mean you love the real thing! Try to get to know her for who she really is, not who you think she is. You might be surprised by the things you discover.

The only reason I say this is because it sounds like you haven't seen her in a while/didn't spend an extensive amount of time with her...may I ask how you two met? If you haven't seen her in a long time and then you send her a love letter it might seem like you're coming on too strong...maybe if you get a chance to see her and hang out with her it won't seem that way!

 

If you are confident that you know this girl (I mean, for everything she truly is), she'll know it too and appreciate you more for it. As far as strong relationships are concerned, friendship is the cornerstone. Best of luck to you!

[resilient7]

You seem to know what you want and have much to share with whomever you encounter,I'd say go for it but don't expect much out of it,and don't be too hastily when approaching her either but keep your composure,sorta try to get a feel of what she's like now and then you can determine wether you still want to ask her out or not.

 

good luck dude!

[gobblegobble]

It's so easy to fall in love with the idea of a person...but that doesn't necessarily mean you love the real thing! Try to get to know her for who she really is, not who you think she is. You might be surprised by the things you discover.

I know who she was when I fell in love with her and I got the same vibes when I last saw her a couple months back in January. It's not easy for me to fall in love I have to know the person inside and out.

 

may I ask how you two met?

We met through her cousin and I know in the beginning of our relationship she was feeling me to some extent. There was a lot of chemistry and energy but I got so caught up in getting to her core that I didn't share myself. I got friendzoned...I waited so long to tell her how I felt.

 

If you haven't seen her in a long time and then you send her a love letter it might seem like you're coming on too strong...maybe if you get a chance to see her and hang out with her it won't seem that way!

I already gave her the letter, thats how I confessed my feelings years back. I think she still has the letter, I gave it to her in a nice box.

 

If you are confident that you know this girl (I mean, for everything she truly is), she'll know it too and appreciate you more for it. As far as strong relationships are concerned, friendship is the cornerstone. Best of luck to you!

Thank you! I just want her to be happy even if its not with me and I really mean it when it comes to her.

 

You seem to know what you want and have much to share with whomever you encounter,I'd say go for it but don't expect much out of it,and don't be too hastily when approaching her either but keep your composure,sorta try to get a feel of what she's like now and then you can determine wether you still want to ask her out or not.

 

good luck dude!

Should I start with texting and then move on to talking to her on the phone?

[YakasJourney]

Dude you are approaching this wrong. You should not "start with texting" and then "move on to phone". You should not have a game plan for how to make her your girlfriend, because it won't work. Try just phoning her up, and talking to her like a normal everyday person.

[Gerda]

There was a lot of chemistry and energy but I got so caught up in getting to her core that I didn't share myself. I got friendzoned...I waited so long to tell her how I felt.

I think this is wishful thinking. If there is chemistry and she is interested and you tell her you are interested and it doesn't go anywhere, it's because she's "not that into you." Never liked a guy and had him tell me he liked me, too, and just left it to fizzle. I've known a few male friends who had a thing for me. They all told me how they felt. I never dated any of them. Not saying I never would have, but there was a reason I didn't date them at that time--because I wasn't interested.

 

So please note I do think you have a chance. My perspective of these guys has changed over time, and they are more appealing to me now that I've had seen more of the competition. But just because I'm not ruling the possibility of a reunion out doesn't mean I think it's likely.

 

I've been where you are, pined for a guy very similarly. At the end of the day I had to accept the obvious truth--I just didn't do it for him. Sure, we dated and had fun and maybe I was attractive to him, but if he had liked me in any serious way things would have gone differently. As it was, he strung me along for years. He would contact me and then just drop off the face of the planet. The reason was because he wasn't crazy over me like I was over him--I was a good friend and somebody who probably boosted his ego. I'm okay with this now, never thought I would be. Feel free to pursue her, because otherwise you may find yourself carrying this torch for the rest of your life based on "what if" fantasies. But make sure you are looking at her actions and words, not seeing things through your "wishful thinking glasses."

[gobblegobble]

We are both fairly young and I am going to wait until I can reinvent myself into the man I need to be to pursue her again. Shes not going anywhere I will always have some sort of line of communication open with her. Interestingly enough all these changes I make in myself make me more attractive to other women. It really is quite weird how much attention I have garnered since making these changes. It has brought my confidence really high!