New Girl, New Problems

[INeedHelpFast]

Hey everyone,

 

its been a long time since the last time i've been here but I needed some help with a new girl I'm seeing. This girl has been my friend for a while and we started hooking up a few months ago. We've dated for one month and I'm running into trouble. We've had arguments for the past few weeks and she drinks away her pain and the fact that she does that makes me more aggravated. A few days ago, we broke up but we're still talking. I had planned to go to a concert with her and bought tickets for us well in advance. When the day came, she was drunk with her friends and I pretty much had to force her to come with me. When we got there, she was complaining about wanting to leave and I tried to make her stay to make things better but she started yelling and walked home in the rain. I asked her to let me know when she got back, etc and she started getting angrier that I didn't come after her (and I didn't because she was yelling at me in public due to her being drunk). That same night, she went to the bars, drank a lot, and doesn't remember what happened. She said she knows she kissed someone or did something but doesn't have any recollection of anything. I guess technically we were single so I can't say much, but I still feel like it was wrong. I could have done the same thing but I didn't because I wanted the relationship to work, but everytime I tried, she got drunk to make the pain go away. I told her I didn't want to see her and hear from her ever again because I couldn't trust her. At first, she told me she wanted to be friends (in a way such that in her definition: go out and enjoy her life the way she wants, and come home and have sex with me and only me). I told her that wasn't fair and that I'd rather not see her at all. She cried for a few hours, came back and told me she wanted to work on the relationship. I told her that I'd be friends with her but I wasn;t going to get back with her. She told me that she would change everything (stop drinking, or drink only when I'm with her) and would work on the relationship.

 

 

In my opinion, I like the girl but don't like the way she deals with her problems (drinking). She's perfect sober but I can't trust her drunk. As much as she says she will change these things, I don't know if she will and I also don't know if I can get over the fact that she may have kissed someone or done something at the bar while texting me "I love you." Her excuse for doing these things were that I pushed her to that extent because of the arguments we had,but realistically, I feel that she has no self-control. I feel cheated on and used and I feel like she may be testing how easy it is to get away with things. As of now, I keep telling her I don;t want a relationship and she cries every night asking me to come back to her.

 

Any opinions on what you guys take of the situation or what I should do?

[tresqua]

She sounds very needy.

[Day_Walker]

The bottom line is that you cannot control her drinking (nor should you be able to). If she wants to drink then she is going to have to learn. No matter now much you want this to work out, it wont work so realize that now.

[unbreak]

People don't change unless they want to, and I guess the only thing you can do is to clearly let her know the reason why you don't want to be in a relationship with her (drinking) and suggest that she gets help for her drinking problem.

[capilot]

She knew you had plans, got drunk anyway, and decided she didn't want to go at the last minute, even though she knew you'd paid for the tickets. Have I got all that right?

 

She's showing a profound lack of respect and commitment. You've really only got one month invested in this relationship, right? Time to cut your losses at this point, in my opinion.

[Success]

She needs to clean up her drinking problem and EARN YOUR TRUST before you consider being involved with this girl. Until that happens, you will be on a rollar-coaster of drama with her. That is not healthy to your self-esteem.

[INeedHelpFast]

Thanks for the responses everyone. I am working on trying to let things go (as I guess I was at fault for letting her walk home alone) but don't know if I will actually forget what happened or if I'll get over it. I guess time will tell even though every forthcoming argument will lead to the events of that weekend ](*,)