Contacting ex GF after sending NC/LC letter?

[CrazyMiner]

Hi all,

 

Just a quick question. Basically earlier this week I sent my ex GF a NC/LC letter as we had been trying to meet up as 'friends' and I just felt that it wasn't helping me move on. How can you move from a partner/lover of 8 years to a friend?? So she got the letter, read it and replied with a friendly text saying that she understood my thoughts and reasons. She also said that she would call me later in the week for an update... the update was in regard to the house we brought together 6 months earlier and renting it out. She calls once a week or so to find out how the viewings are going etc (she lives 45 minutes drive each way away).

 

So she got the letter and replied to me on Tuesday and hasn't called. I doubt she will call over the weekend because since we have broken up she sees the weekends as a sort of no contact time as she usually goes away for city breaks with her friends (though, of course, calls me if she wants to ask a question... not exactly fair but there we are).

 

So I need to discuss a few things with her about the house, such as potentially reducing the rent that we are looking for because the number of viewings has been limited (she insisted on setting a higher than market rate rent) and to make two of the rooms rentable I need to get some furniture which in total will cost somewhere in the region of £400 ($700). On top of that there is landlord insurance etc so it all adds up and basically I want to make sure that she is able to pay her half before I go out and empty my bank account doing all the work.

 

But of course she hasn't called me like she said she would. I was thinking of emailing her, but to be honest I don't want to be the one to make the contact after she said she would call me. I've already tried the begging, come back to me thing a few weeks ago and know that I came accross needy and weak and I don't really want to be the one to call/email her when she said she would contact me, if you know what I mean.

 

So what do I do? Wait for her to call before I do anything? Call her to get it out the way? Send her an email with the info? Or just go ahead and get it all sorted and then basically hand her a bill?

[Cadence44]

I recommend sending her an email as it is is less intrusive than a phone call if she's busy. It doesn't matter if she said she'd call as you need to get her input on this. Keep it friendly but strictly business - don't ask about her life and don't give her any detail about yours.

 

If you need to know this information, by not contacting her you're giving her too much power over the situation. See it for what it is and expect a similarly business-like reply from her. If she brings up anything personal, do not reply to it because that is outside the boundaries that you have set for yourself. I think those boundaries are an excellent idea and demonstrate strength and a new way of life where you put yourself and your needs first.

 

You will not be perceived as needy and weak if you contact her in a non-intrusive way and only discuss the business that you need to sort out. If you use the message to discuss anything personal - anything at all other than a "hope you are well" - she will suspect that you are trying to manipulate her.

 

Good luck.

[TiredOfGames]

I think you should treat this like a business matter, as that's essentially what it is. You have property business to discuss so just keep communication to that. You should contact her, keep things friendly, but not get into personal discussion. Make sure she knows up front why you're contacting her and stick to that topic. Best of luck!

 

Edit: Agreed with Cadence.