Any Single Men Here Seeing Married Women?

[lisa1126]

Dreamlove,

 

Thank you so much for sharing your experience...

Your pain is completely understood.

I am so sorry. We all know in our head that the pain will ease, eventually, but going through that is just awful, I know...

[Frankiepals]

Everyone that says they would never done it has obviously not been in the situation before. Im a single guy and from the first day i saw this women i was extremely attracted to her. She is so beautiful and just has an awesome personality. Never in my life did i think i had a chance, But it was just a little fantasy i would keep in the back of my mind. Then one day i just messaged her online. We ended up talking for hours and hours and come to find out she had the same feelings for me. Its not love, its more of a lust thing. I know it sounds horrible but you know what, We only get one life to live and i dont want to grow old saying "Man i wish i would have done that". It has been an adventure, My morals play games with me but i try to just not think about that because i dont think im doing that much wrong. If anything she is the married one. We both have an understanding that nothing will ever come of this nor do i want it to because i know i would NEVER be able to trust her. If it can happen to him it can most certaintly happen to me. But for now its my own personal adventure...I would say its not the right thing to do, But if you feel that its what you want to do, Then just do it. Otherwise you will torture yourself with all the "what-ifs". Live life and have fun.

[lionquack]

I stumbled accross this thread through searching for 'married women'. Its after reading this thread and others similar that I realised the married women I am involved with is against my morals. I totally understand how difficult it is let go as i am in love with this women. Last night I finished with her as feel ti will go nowhere and she does not want to leave her husband. This leads me to believe I am her toy and second best. Thats not good enough for me. She told me she loves me too but I have not responded to her calls or text.

[Raoul]

An affair cannot "come around" and "do anything" to a person unless that person chooses to get involved. That's a main issue with people who cheat - they claim it "just happened" and refuse to take responsibility.

 

This.

 

Raoul

[brian_real]

Everyone that says they would never done it has obviously not been in the situation before. We both have an understanding that nothing will ever come of this nor do i want it to because i know i would NEVER be able to trust her. If it can happen to him it can most certaintly happen to me. But for now its my own personal adventure...I would say its not the right thing to do, But if you feel that its what you want to do, Then just do it. Otherwise you will torture yourself with all the "what-ifs". Live life and have fun.

 

I agree with about 50% of this. Unfortunately for me, my married woman did not want to be "friends with benefits" only. She was okay with me being her toy/tool, but she would not let me treat her the same way. She was just using me and so it wasn't a mutual agreement.

 

If the sex is good then enjoy it. The moment you want more than just sex, end it. She's not going to leave her husband unless he's a cheat and an abuser. If she's just a bored wife, then know that this is nothing more than for the sex and excitement.

[midnightrambler]

Just ended it. She is married with children. I'll be honest.

 

1) If you have any moral compass then just starting this thing feels wrong and bothersome.

 

2) Once you have sex it doesn't get any clearer, but now you're in the * * * * * -trap and you want more.

 

3) The moment you end things will be one of the happiest days in your life. I know I've never been happier than to know it's over.

 

well stated

[Raoul]

We both have an understanding that nothing will ever come of this...

 

Frankie,

 

You've no idea how wrong this is. Lots can come of it. Nothing good though. And if there are children involved, 'nothing good' becomes catastrophic in the blink of an eye.

 

Raoul

[sadchitownguy]

I was with her for 3 years while she was trying to figure out how to leave him and deal with the effects on her young son. I'm 15 years older than her. She is amazingly beautiful, high energy, funny, heart warming...coolest girl I've ever known, think a late 30's hippie.

 

All the same story as most of you... more in love with her than anyone else in my life, including my ex wife who was my first true love.

 

She told me I brought her to heights she could never have imagined, wanted to be with me for life, wanted me to help her raise her son and show him what a real man is all about, etc etc etc. She was even going to a therapist for about 2 years so she could deal with the stress, guilt of leaving him. I never pushed her, nor gave ultimatums.

 

In the meantime the sex was awesome, we spent every minute together that she could. As time went on, she started to not care if her husband found out or not because she had broached the subject with him and like everything else, he didn't care one way or the other. She would actually tell him, 'I'm going out with my friend J tonight...' No response.

 

Well as the 3rd year was coming up of being together, she starts to seem different. Around August 09. I put it off to the pressure of the impending talk with her husband.

 

Ends up, she had started seeing an old ex bf, starting about 6 months ago. Hanging out, just going over to his house on weekdays so her son could play with his kids. He's divorced now, he dumped my gf back before she got married. DANGER all around this.

 

Suddenly, NOW, she is ready to file for the divorce, move out of their apt, rent a house on her own. All in a rush suddenly.

 

She tells me the ex bf is nothing. Don't worry about it, that she wants to move in with her son, let him get acclimated to being away from the dad, etc, so she doesn't think we should just jump right into it.

 

This is Sept 09, I agree with her. After all, I've waited for this for 3 years, what's a bit more to be with the woman of my dreams?

 

By October, calls stop coming so often, doesn't pick up when I call. Doesn't stop by place at all. Doesn't invite me over to the rental home. I call and ask if she needs help with moving in, fixing things up. She tells me she has help.

 

I run into them together at her work, he's around her age, big, biker type dude, covered in ink. 180 different from me. I heard he's had all the DUI's, arrests, drug rehab, the works. None of her friends can figure it out.

 

By late November, she tells me it's over with me but still wants me in her life. I panic, beg, etc etc. She hasn't answered a call or called me since mid Dec. If I go into the restaurant where she works, she comes around and gives me big hugs, says she misses me, loves me, etc etc. Then nothing unless I go back to see her on the weekends she works. Otherwise, she's disappeared.

 

The bad ass has moved in with her since mid late December. Never got a final good bye, nothing from her.

 

Don't get involved w ANY woman until you know for sure she is capable of being trustworthy. Everyone who knows her told me all along she was madly in love with me, we were a great couple together.

My friends said, yeah you're good together but be careful. If she cheats on him....

 

Bad medicine fellas. I have a busted gut, busted heart, can't get motivated to get back out there.

[nicnicnic]

Isn't it sad for you though to know that you are a cheater? You have cheated on your wife which means....You never really loved her in the first place. :splat:

[bettyrendad]

I'm in an intense love affair with an old school friend. We got reacquainted via face book and started emailing, chatting, etc. Mostly innocent and getting more personal as time went on. We got together at a school reunion talked and enjoyed each others company. We live reasonably close to each other and I asked if we could get together. She made a proposition - we get together for sex. Straight forward and out there. Her's was sexless marriage. I was completely single at the time. Figured we could keep it at friends with benefits. We fell deeply in love quick.

 

Our plans have changed from friends with benefits to marriage. We're 6 months into this physical relationship. We're in contact daily and meet up 4 or 5 days a week. She's still with her husband. She's just started to break the ice on her unhappiness in marriage.

 

It can be very frustrating. We're still sneaking around. Our time together is very limited. We both want more. Hopefully her taking a first step will yield something. Its very hard being in a relationship that cant move past a certain point.

 

I have learned I can love again. She's the girl of my dreams. I do want her as a wife.

 

Would I get involved with a married woman again - Never! It's been an promotional roller coaster - the highs are very high. The lows are very low.

 

Would I do this again? Never.

[Kittilove]

I've been through it too but the situation was much more different then the others I've read.

 

I knew him in 2002 when I was getting over my ex boyfriend. We dated for 3 months and I got that one phone call from my ex and I was right back with him like we were when we first started dating. In October of 2003 we called it quits. Turned out he hooked up with his "best friend".

 

Well, I moved on with my life, moved to California, dating, college, all the fun stuff. My dad gave me a call one day and said "guess who said "HI". It was that guy I dated in 2002. He wanted to congratulate me for my graduation. I then remembered the time we had dating and I liked him, but I got caught up in my ex.

 

We continued to talk/keep in touch and I went to visit my father for Thanksgiving November 2006, meanwhile I stopped in to see if we could catch up. I wanted to get to know him more than I had 5 years ago, but he was too busy.

 

I traveled back to California and he was on my mind from time to time. I talked to a girlfriend and she said I should contact him and let him know how I feel. I e-mailed him and told him how I think we could be good for each other and to e-mail me back soon or I will forget we've never met. He did not contact me so I started dating this guy. Well, while I'm sitting at the beach waiting for my date to show up. I get a text message from the past guy and he tells me how much he misses me, loves me, and would like to start things over again. I told my date good-bye and that "something suddenly came up". I placed my 2 weeks notice in, left the apartment for a friend and traveled back home.

 

Well, needless to say we were very busy people. The only time we had together was "are you free?" and we'd hook up for the night. It wasn't something I wanted. One night I stopped in the place he works and he was off for the night. I met one of the guys we works with and we hit it off. Complete conservationist, friendly, smart, outgoing, handsome, and pleasant. We exchanged numbers and started dating.

 

Eventually he found out we were dating and he was upset. I explained to him we never made it official that we were dating that we only hooked up for sex. His argument was that he was always too busy. I told him I was too but I'm not going to wait around until you get horny and call me over for sex. We stopped talking. Later when I would go to his place where he works to see my boyfriend for lunch, it was like we never knew each other.

 

In 2008 I married his co-worker. In November of 2009 I was on yahoo, forgot I had him on my messenger since I never used it that much, he sent me a message. He asked me how I was doing and that he was over seas visiting family. He goes on to say how he misses me and how I am hard to forget. I did not give in. I kept it straight and casual talk. Thinking that he got a clue of me giving him the cold shoulder on the online chat, he'd leave me alone - WRONG. I was online again a few days later. I had forgot AGAIN to take him off my messenger. I was a fool to even start talking to him again, but I did. He told me he would just like to be friends and so I agreed; no harm in that, right?! WRONG! We exchanged numbers and a week later he sends me a text message to come over. He made a move on me, my emotions start getting into it and I cheated on my husband the second time we met. It continued on like this once a month up to June 2010.

 

Honestly, the sex was not that great. I would just like to say It was temporary lust, it was boring, and in all honestly my husband did everything better. I'd also like to add the reason why I let it continue is because I felt like I was missing out on something because we never had that time to get together as a couple, but it all ended up too much like it all began. I had looked at it with fresh eyes and I never looked back after that.

[Longview01]

You want a woman who is already married and is cheating on her husband with YOU as your wife??

 

What you gonna do when she meets someone else and cheats on you with them? Still gonna want her then?

 

I swear to god from reading through this thread that the whole world has gone crazy and morals are clearly a thing of the past!

[Clarity]

I just can't see myself doing it - how can guys be attracted to morally bankrupt women?

[Raoul]

For those of you doing this, read what you wrote as if you're a reader and not a writer. Would any of you want to have the life you're making for yourselves with the choices you make?

 

I'll stop here. I've been on the enotalone 'naughty' list once already.

 

But, Jeez!

 

Raoul

[maelstrom]

A cautionary tale~~~

 

I don't have the right genders here for you question but I'll answer anyway. When I was single there was a time when I dated only married men. At the time I thought I was so smart not to put up with any more crap from single men and very powerful to be able to have these married men. They were all very accomplished, executive types. It was terrific, they took me on trips, bought expensive jewelry, flowers, you name it. I pretty much took the romantic and sexual parts of them away from their wives.

 

Now however, over a decade later, I realize that I did these things not because I was sexually powerful but because I was pitifully sick. Not only have I cheated in my own marriage but so has my husband. My life has pretty much hit rock bottom and although I am getting help now, it will take years of work to ever be able to have a healthy relationship.

 

If you asked this question because you're thinking about it - DO NOT DO IT. Get yourself to a professional and try to find out why you're even considering it.

[aryanus]

I am so happy I found this thread... I am in the EXACT situation as rainynight, and if you ever see my post please know that you helped me immensely...I am now able to refocus my thoughts to what the real situation is and do what I can to get the hell out. I really want her to go back to her boring marraige in which she only got married for the material possessions she knew he could provide for her. Now that she realizes that he doesn't "do it" for her sexually, let her contemplate that alone with a baby in her beautiful house while I save the real meaning of love for someone who deserves it. Thanks again...

[Brownstone322]

I am so happy I found this thread... I am in the EXACT situation as rainynight, and if you ever see my post please know that you helped me immensely...I am now able to refocus my thoughts to what the real situation is and do what I can to get the hell out. I really want her to go back to her boring marraige in which she only got married for the material possessions she knew he could provide for her. Now that she realizes that he doesn't "do it" for her sexually, let her contemplate that alone with a baby in her beautiful house while I save the real meaning of love for someone who deserves it. Thanks again...

Duly note that rainynight's post was more than four years old, and he hasn't been active on this site (under that name anyway) for two and a half years. However, this part of his post caught my eye:

 

To show you how twisted this has gotten at times, she became pregnant shortly after we became intimate again. No I don't think it's mine but nothing is for certain. The kid looks like her and the only part of [her husband] I see in the baby are the blue eyes. During her entire pregnancy, she was having sex with me twice a week, right up to a week before she had the baby.

I wonder if it ever occurred to him that the baby could belong to yet another guy! What makes him think someone like that would be faithful to him?

[ClaraBlue]

I was the married woman and he was single at the time. I regret it every day of my life.

[ForeverMOOR]

I am a single man whom got caught up in a 2 year relationship with a married woman. Her husband left her 4 years ago to his home country to attempt to receive his US citizenship after being in this country illegally for 7 years. She went to his country to try to be with him and keep the family whole but couldn't adjust to the living in that country and returned. We met and our relationship has been unbelievable. I raised her 2 children and took over as the male figure and kept her and her kids from being put out on the street after she lost her job and was unemployed for almost a year. No support from her husband, no money sent from him, nothing, meanwhile I am doing his job. Now things have gotten more hard emotionally because we have been doing biblical studies and realize that our relationship is unclean in GOD's eyes and that nothing will further blossom from it unless she divorced him. She said she was going to but I should have known that it's not that easy and now she has decided she wants to go back to his country with him and try to make her marriage work. This has saddened me because I raised her kids and showed her what a real husband is suppose to do but the bond of marriage is far more powerful that a mere single man. She says I was the greatest man she has ever been with but she feels this is the right thing to do and deep in my heart I agree. We both have grown close to GOD and realize that things will get worse between us because our relationship is soaked in the sin of adultery and won't receive blessing AT ALL. I am hurting as we speak and the breakup isn't final and I am dealing with the pain of being involved with a married woman. I am truly hurting right now and will never do this again, even if she realizes she wants to end her marriage with him I won't be with her again until she divorces him. Marriage is POWERFUL, don't get involved.

[hank755]

guys, i too have been there. 3 years with a married woman who professed her love to me ( was "in love" with me) and talked about a life together.

 

Told me all about the problems at home with her husband. No passion, she never was in love but wanted kids, etc etc.

 

So, she wasnt moving towards leaving him, and I finally cut it off 6 months ago. No calls no e-mails. I felt great about myself. I was doing the right thing....

 

then I finally contacted her to say hello after 6 months and see how she was doing. her home life was still a mess, but it was clear she was no longer in love with me. The silence between us allowed her to forget about me. She pretty much could care less, and now im the one who is doubled over in pain.

 

I tell myself the following, and I hope many of you will believe this: whether or not she wants me back or not, the problems remain at home for her and always will as long as she stays married. That is what helps me move past this.

 

stand up straight, bow your neck and know that the pain has an end. And the feeling that you were able to handle this will liberate you.

 

I know the day is coming for me that I will feel great again.

[fr0z3n]

I just got into this situation recently and it's a messy thing... If you have a time to check my most recent thread, it's about this... If you can get out of this ASAP, do so...

[BobaGo88]

I've moved around a lot and worked in many, many offices and if there's one thing that experience has given me it's that by my estimates, about 60% of women cheat on their husbands. Might sound rough, but in all honesty I'd have to say that today's married women require more "outside interference" than men.

[hippie]

I am in the same situation, havent been intimate with my husband, he has a spinal cord injury. so what i am supposed to do get a divorce?? i dont think so, would never consider it at all, it would make my life worse. there is nothing wrong with wanting to be physical with a man at all. You cant make yourself attative to someone, once its over, its over. my current boyfriend want s me to quit my job, move to florida, sell my house blah blah!! its not going to happen, why do men get to enjoy all the nice things in life without safricing their personal possessings?? if you want respond to my letter, it would be nice to hear what you think.

[Codependent No]

I was dating a guy who previously had been a close platonic friend (who I thought I knew well), who I later learned had had affairs with two married women. One lasted three years. The other, which he claimed he had ended before he got involved with me (which turned out to be a lie) lasted five years. I found out in the end that he had previously dated the one woman's then-teenaged daughter! Although the married woman and I never met, he enjoyed playing us against each other by telling us how desirable the other was, in an effort to make each of us jealous. (In my case, he only succeeded in pissing me off.) Meanwhile, in the end of this miserable excuse for a relationship, he was sneaking around with the married woman behind my back. He tried to get out of seeing me to be with her. What amazed me was that he was not the least bit ashamed of these shenanigans. He would brag about all of this. In the end, he accused me of bringing drama into his life! I eventually dumped him, but I should have done so a whole lot sooner. I realized that this guy was a raging narcissist, and a total scoundrel. What a sick situation!

[Longview01]

I am in the same situation, havent been intimate with my husband, he has a spinal cord injury. so what i am supposed to do get a divorce?? i dont think so, would never consider it at all, it would make my life worse. there is nothing wrong with wanting to be physical with a man at all. You cant make yourself attative to someone, once its over, its over. my current boyfriend want s me to quit my job, move to florida, sell my house blah blah!! its not going to happen, why do men get to enjoy all the nice things in life without safricing their personal possessings?? if you want respond to my letter, it would be nice to hear what you think.

 

Your poor husband