Any Single Men Here Seeing Married Women?

[JadedStar]

I am so sorry to hear this. Are you in counseling for yourself? A man who masterbates frequently and over a long period of time can become desensitized to regular intercouse and that may be why your husband still is not coming to you for intimacy. Even tho he is not looking at porn, is he still masterbating often? That needs to slow down along with the porn usage. It won't help much if he continues to release this way. I too am a firm believer that cheating is not limited to physical intercourse alone. There is an emotional aspect that is harder to identify but most definitely can take place. I, too, am a firm believer that phsycial intercourse is not the only form of cheating. Emotional infidelity is harder to identify and define, but most definitely exists

 

If he could refrain from masterbating and let this build up, perhaps he will be more willing to come to you for release. But he has to really want to do it and not take the easy way out.

 

I can only imagine how this has wreaked your self esteem but kudos to you for the self restraint you practiced. If it doesn't get better please realize you are a vibrant woman with needs, and a life wihtout sex was not in the contract figuratively speaking, and you may have to make some tough decisions about your marriage in the future (giving him ample time to try to recover of course).

[sister8]

I would never mess around with a married woman.

Never say Never.....

You'd be surprised how many times it will come around and bite you in the ass in a lifetime.....

[Batya33]

An affair cannot "come around" and "do anything" to a person unless that person chooses to get involved. That's a main issue with people who cheat - they claim it "just happened" and refuse to take responsibility.

[sister8]

An affair cannot "come around" and "do anything" to a person unless that person chooses to get involved. That's a main issue with people who cheat - they claim it "just happened" and refuse to take responsibility.

Okay......

](*,)

[John S.]

Reading this, I realize that there isn't a single instance of a "happy ending" in which anyone ends up with the woman in question. I myself was involved with a married woman, but needless to say it didn't turn out to well. She was the first person I've been involved sexually (late bloomer however, I came to realize that I was only an obsession to her. Once she "had" me, I went down to the bottom of her priority list, and needless to say she came to the top of mine. She told me she wasn't happy in her marriage and that after 8 years of being with him she didn't want to have any children with him, even though he supposedly treated her with the utmost respect and love a husband could.

 

After nearly $20k (car, jewlery, etc) spent on her, (yes I know, I'm stoopid), over a 5 year period I came to a simple conclussion: She just wanted to be wanted/desired. Also, even though she argued that she got a loan from the bank to pay for the car and hid most of her jewlery, I couldn't help but doubt I was being duped by both of them. So as much as it pained me to leave her, I told her I didn't want to hear from her ever again until she was ready to commit herself to me, even if it meant never seeing her again.

 

Why do we put up with this or why do we continue to harm ourselves with these relationships? In my case , it was the "idea" of my relationship being "special", in the sense that even though I knew it was wrong, (And for the record, I even tried to push her away at first when she started flirting with me when I first met her), it was ok to be with her because nobody would understand how both of us felt about each other, and that somehow we'd end up together. That and when she was nearby my brain would shut off and I would agree to anything she asked

 

So I cut all ties (cellphones, emails, etc) with her and decided to try to put this behind me for my sake, and hope for the best. So I agree with the general concensus on this board: STAY AWAY FROM MARRIED WOMEN !!

[Olive.Juice]

I never meant to imply the situation was untrue. Simply, I wanted to point out the whole situation was B.S.

 

But your defensiveness over the validity of the story does raise my eyebrow.... now.

 

Why would someone make something like that up?

[d24]

been the OM twice, I can't lie and say I didn't enjoy it because both times I was being used for sex (and pretty much nothing else) and at that stage in my life that's all I was interested in.

 

I did realise though that after a while trying to pursue a 'something' with a married woman would be impossible - and as much as I hate to draw parallels to present day - I now know how to treat my women better so that they don't go looking for another man. These married women were opening up to me and telling me what they wanted, and justifying their reasoning for being in my arms. I know the pitfalls now, but it made me sad (and guilty).

 

Overall, although it was a good learning experience I do feel ashamed of what I did - my advice - don't do it. It's not worth it (especially if you get caught).

[maxo]

So you view yourself as the 'white knight' saving her from her bad husband.

 

Then after you fall in love with her yourself, you find out she is cheating with other guys too.

 

She is attached to her husband and will never leave him but gets attention, fine food, sex, gifts, romantic weekend trips from several other guys.

 

It is enough to drive you to a site like this considering suicide. Because you felt like your adultery was so different so special. You were going to be there for her when her loser depressed drug addict husband finally committed suicide or died from the massive abuse he inflicts on himself.

 

But then she tearfully breaks down and tells you about the other guy Bill who is rich and has a ranch and she fell in love with over the last year. But no-- she doesn't want to end it. She loves you too- is it the gifts? Is it that he's older and can't give her two to three hour long the multi-orgasmic loving you give her? Is it the head-games you play with each other that he can't give her? Is it the exotic kinky stuff you two share that she can't broach with him? You can see she is going on shopping trips with him during the day and to fine restaurants with him when she thinks you are at work.

 

But then while you are doing this you notice that there are other guys hanging around. Not as much of a presense but it becomes clear after a while that there are at least four guys.

 

The sex is still blazing hot, but your heart is breaking so bad that you think seriously about suicide a few times a week. You no longer feel like a white knight that's for sure. And through it all- you still love her and see she loves you deeply-- but it is all poisoned now. It's trivial to see the things she does for every one. She knows the buttons to push on the male psyche and uses them relentlessly. Where before they made you feel special- now they feel tawdry and manipulative.

 

This is how bad it can get. To be in love with a woman who is having sex with several other guys and in love with two other guys. I can't describe the sheer agony. It happened without warning-- one day everything was spiritual and you were going to save her and the next day the horror that never ends began.

[TemporaryHero]

Man..if I didn't know better I would have thought maxo's post was my own. While not exact to my own mess it's very similar. I can confirm there is truth in the words above.

 

No matter how much you think you love her, even if she says she's married to a horrible man who you believe doesn't deserve her, whether it's the truth or a matter of perspective, or if she keeps telling you she wants to get away from him but can't because of such and such a reason, or thats she plans to leave soon, do not take the chance.

 

The only exception I could possibly consider is that she was already out the door or papers were being filled, but even that is a gamble. You really have to step outside of yourself and really take in the whole thing to start to understand just how much of a mess these things are and how easily they can obliterate lives.

[krahnic]

It is a terrible place to be... I have recently "finally" called off things with my 15 month affair. One which included a terminated pregnancy of my child. I have realized that the woman I was involved with was either too young in her mind to know what she wanted (I'm 42, she's 27) or that she is just a selfish, spoiled brat. Whatever the case may be, she has chosen to remain in her common-law situation with a man that is stable and very nice (read: boring), but hardly understands her and doesn't even come close to competing sexually with what the two of us had. Something must be said of commitment, marriage or otherwise, as to why people stay in their relationships....and something I really don't understand. Our chemistry was unparalleled in either one of our lives, but it was not enough of a catalyst to cause her to want to leave. She is still with him attempting to "work things out" whereas I am stuck feeling remorse, resentment and at times anger over the loss of the relationship and the loss of my baby (I fought tooth and nail to stop the proceedings). I want to be heard. I want to spill the beans, but with that I know there will be repercussions, so I must carefully consider my actions. It's effing difficult to say the least, and the worst part is is that we work together. So yeah, all told, it really sucks and it is not worth the price that you will pay.

[rs.dallaire]

I read all of the posts about people being disappointed that an affair leads to nowhere. I'm a single man who has dated a number of married women but never would I entertain the thought about actually being with them. People should view affairs for what they are, and they are not opportunities for a healthy relationship!

 

I view these women as my friends, period.

 

And to all of those who think they'll do a better job than the husband, good luck!

[jalay]

You don't have to fall in love and want a commited relationship with the single man. I have been married more than half my life, and my husband has stopped having sex with me and doesn't pay any attention to me, no hugs, no kisses, nothing. I don't want to leave him, we have a history together and have considerable assets. I need a man to pay attention to me now and then and to have sex with. Is that so bad? I don't want anything else. I have found what I was looking for and am happier for it. Don't tell me to try and work it out, I give up trying for intimacy in my marriage.

[dqueen]

My ex cheated on me by having an affair with a married woman. I hate him and her everyday because of it. His loss!

[rs.dallaire]

You don't have to fall in love and want a commited relationship with the single man. I have been married more than half my life, and my husband has stopped having sex with me and doesn't pay any attention to me, no hugs, no kisses, nothing. I don't want to leave him, we have a history together and have considerable assets. I need a man to pay attention to me now and then and to have sex with. Is that so bad? I don't want anything else. I have found what I was looking for and am happier for it. Don't tell me to try and work it out, I give up trying for intimacy in my marriage.

 

I think this is as healthy as an affair can be...

[Stambler]

If you are unhappy with your marriage, then get a divorce BEFORE you get involved again!

 

Trust me... I've been on both sides of the fence.

[otdrsmn57]

I'm twice divorced and haven't been very successful at marriage. For the last 14 months I've been having an affair with a married woman. Her husband is no longer interested in sex with her. She comes by my place two or three times a week then she goes home. We both get what we need & I get to live my life. It's a great arrangement.

[tangi39]

I don't think most people go into affairs just looking for sex and nothing more.

 

That may be the stated reason but I think it's more to do with wanting to be "saved" or to "escape" from whatever underlying problems exist in the marriage that either can't be solved or refuse to even be acknowledged.

All the people I have known who have disclosed their affairs to me- I have noticed it being the same recurring issues- They have no desire to leave their marriage, and they do love their spouse, but either don't want to accept whatever problems they have or that they know things won't ever be solved but they don't want to give up that hope or best friend. So they get whatever is missing temporarily from someone else instead of looking for solutions or starting over.

[Tony in Phoenix]

Only you can decide if you want a life of constantly missing and yearning for more or if you are ready to examine the life you are leading for the fulfillment that you need.

 

There are times in my life when I yearn for something that I know I will probably never have. Winning the lottery for instance. I stroke that yearning by imagining myself in the winner's circle on tv recounting how I bought the winning ticket on a whim, put it away and only after finding it in my wallet while cleaning it out realized that, yes, I was the winner of the jackpot.

 

Then I fantasize about buying my dream house and the wonderful vacations I will embark upon. I think about the animal refuge I will build with the money.

 

But, sooner or later, I have to come back down to earth and figure out what I can realistically accomplish with what I have available to me.

 

I think affairs are the same. An awful lot of stroking that fantasy occurs vs understanding what is actually attainable. The big dream fantasy keeps many people in their same old lives instead of making them take action to change their life. Later, the shoulda, woulda, coulda realizations come out of the woodwork.

 

People stay in the same old unfulfilling jobs because of this stroking of a fantasy that retirement will be the manna from heaven at the end of the road. Then health issues or early death crushes these dreams. How many people actually have and create their fantasy whatever it may be?

 

I think this happens because people always think they will have more time to do what they want later and now they have to sacrifice for that future wonderful life. How many of us are kidding ourselves? How many of us will die without the real happiness that we thought we could get later?

 

I think about this and am trying to change my life now before it is too late.

[goodguyslast]

Wow. What a read. A couple of those posts resonate with me so much that I've just realised how utterly heart-broken and devastated I am after being in denial for so long.

 

I've been in so much pain for so long, but I've ignored it so I could continue to have this woman in my life. Our actually "affair" only lasted two weeks whilst she was married before she told her husband. However, that was 18mths ago and we've some kind of relationship ever since. The last time we had sex was just before Christmas. Not only did I have sex with her whilst she was married, she has had two boyfriends since she was separated and then divorced and cheated on both of them with me. The current boyfriend has lasted a lot longer than the last one (he's been around since June) and she says she's in love with him, but she still "loves" me.

 

She was the first woman I've ever fallen in love with and made all my previous "relationships" pale in comparison. When she first separated I know she meant it. We've always understood each other, had amazing chemistry both physically and mentally and wanted to spend all our time together (which we did for nearly a year). However, it's always been tinged with guilt for her and a month ago she tells me we can't have sex any more and she just wants to be friends. She spends Christmas with the bf and has just moved in with him.

 

I know it's my own fault and that married women are bad news, but it doesn't make me feel any better/less guilty/less heart-broken. I fell in love and I can't seem to let that go even though my head knows nothing's going to change.

 

Blondee, you want input. I grew close to this woman because of the connection we'd felt ever since I first met her (when she was engaged). She confided in me about how her marriage was on the rocks and then she inferred how she felt about me. I had already developed very strong feelings for her very quickly, but felt it was wrong and couldn't believe that she would be genuinely interested in me. We spent more and more time together until one night we talked all night, both dancing around the obvious feelings and chemistry until at 5am we finally had sex.

 

I fell in love with her and she didn't fall in love with me. 18mths later and I'm still in a lot of pain. Her ex-husband is happily with someone else and feels it was for the best that their marriage ended. He just doesn't like my involvement. She's with the "man of her dreams" and moving in with him. And I'm unsure just how stupid I am and feel unable to do anything. Most days I'm just flat.... :sad:

[Tony in Phoenix]

I had an affair with a married women for every 8 years, yes 8 years and I'm not ashamed to admit it either. However, for those of you contemplating this sort of relationship, speaking from experience, please don't do it. This will lead you down a path of heartache and pain - no other way around it. Please please please do not do it!

[Luke Skywalker]

Any Single/Divorced men here seeing Married women? Interested in how you feel? Wanting input. Thanks!

 

I'm a single guy that has some very close flirting interactions with a married woman and have some sort of feelings for. I've written about this on another thread. This is in the work-place. I'd say it's more like a elementary school / high school school like-- she likes him, he likes her sort of thing than anything else. Very innoscent and innocious.

 

We just share a great connection, that's all. I think I have a mild limerance. She is nice with me. My faith and my mother has built a resolve that I will not be pursuing her because I may get corrupted.

[goodguyslast]

Just re-read this thread and noticed your post when I don't remember it first time around. Wanted to say that whatever anyone else says, I sympathise. I was in a very similar situation until just before Christmas. The woman I'm totally in love with is now moving in with her boyfriend (the third consecutive person, including her husband, that she has cheated on with me) and I'm heart broken. What you say about watching someone you love have a life with someone else is totally true. It's really painful. I can't offer any advice to help and like you say "it is what it is". I felt like that for sooo long. But now it's offer and I'm in bits.

 

I'm not sure how/if this helps, but just wanted to say that I get where you're at.

[bostonbruins24]

It's easy to say ,don't get involved with a married woman but there is one I would get involved with .My feelings and attraction are so strong I don't think I could help myself.Luckily,she isn't interested so it's a mute point but I can be sympathetic to guys who unfortunately went down that road.

[Tony in Phoenix]

It's easy to say ,don't get involved with a married woman but there is one I would get involved with .My feelings and attraction are so strong I don't think I could help myself.Luckily,she isn't interested so it's a mute point but I can be sympathetic to guys who unfortunately went down that road.

 

That's just it, I couldn't help myself either and we kept coming back to each other - it's over now and looking back there was a ton of pain - I sorta feel better now that's she's not in my life any longer, versus having her in my life, playing second fiddle and hurt all the time. Weird actually.

[dreamlove]

I am glad that I find this post. I would like to share my story here if you are interested. Sorry -- It is a little lengthy.

 

I am a married woman who had affair in the past two years with a guy from work, he is 8 years younger than me, he was interested in me the first day we started working together, originally I had a line in my mind because I am married, then we had opportunity to travel for work a lot, bar time and hotel room company are enjoyable way to kill the lonely time when you travel.

 

The main reason that I have done it is that something terriably missing in my marriage: I have never experienced what orgasm is like the years of my marriage. I have been masturbate through all the years in my life because my husband can only do 5 minutes every time when we do it. I hate the sexual part of my marriage badly! --Still do. I hope you can understand why I crossed the line, -- I want to know what a woman should enjoy from a sexual relationship, I am in my late 30s now and have strong desires about sex.

 

I have enjoyed the great sex from the affair, but from day one, I knew there will be no outcome from this relationship (but I did not know it will hurt so much!), I love my kids and I have to stay in the same roof with my husband at least till the kids grow up. At the beginning of the affair I was controlling myself not to go too deep, just enjoy the sex and friendship. But later I become madly fall in love with him.

 

Half year ago, he moved out to another state to be with his family (I can only be around when I can – I think he is lonely) and he wanted me to move with him and live with him. I told him: I would love to if I could. But I have kids!

 

Then I encouraged and helped him find a girl friend. And he had moved on. But my heart aches when he talks about his GF, gosh, it really, really hurt. Then I told him not to contact me in anyways because the pain is just unbearable and I need sometime to recovery. He respected my decision.. I just could not get him out of my mind, I have never had this feeling for anyone in my life including my husband.

 

I am sad all the time and could not focus on what I suppose to do. House left messy, do not want to cook. lost patience to my kids. Mad at my husband all the time. You can imaging what my family is going through now. I am trying everything to get over this, some days I am feeling better, some days worse. I hope time will heal the wound soon.

 

How he feels about the whole thing remain mystery, I guess he is young and he needed sex and company, that was what I have provide at that time. And I believe at times, he was seriously considering to share the future with me. but he never got positive feedback from me, the truth is I am not available. I am not only a woman, I am a mom, I have responsibilities.

 

I think our affair ended the best way it could. I understand him and am mature enough to handle this, I am happy for him and hope he found the right one and be happy.

 

Think back and to summarize the whole thing:

For me:

Gain:

Great sex experience,

Great time spent with someone I really love.

Price paid:

Heartbreak at the end

lose focus to my kids, some damage has been made in this regards;

Relationship with my husband become worse

 

For him:

Gain:

Great Sex and company - he enjoyed it as much as I did

Better fit body ( I have made good influence on him because I am physically active and have good taste about dressing style, he was over weight when we start working togahter and he was working out regularly in the last year and was getting into a better shape, I bought a lot of nice cloth for him, he became really handsome.)

Price paid:

Two years wasted with someone not available. (His family tried hook him up with some young girls, he could not make it because he had me in his life.)

 

It is human nature to being attracted to someone other than your spouse, that is why it happens all the time although we all know it is not right.

 

I will never ever get involved in a relationship again before I can be available. The pain my family and I suffered is not worth it.