soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 Because I was simply speculating. No one knows if she does. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but EVERYONE has a crush on someone at some point in their lives. Including while being in a LTR. What separates us is those who act upon it, and those who realize its a silly crush. Ive had a crush on someone for years. We were friends, we had a ONS and then she left. I crushed on her while I was in another relationship, I crushed on her when I was single. I still have a soft spot for her now. And shes not the only one. I know others who have had crushes on someone else as well while in a relationship. But just cause you have a crush, it doesnt mean you love your partner less or will cheat. I know everyone has crushes, but crushes and feelings are different, doesnt having a crush while in a relationship equal that something is missing in your current relationship? Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 You don't pay attention to anything except the things that look like they're validating your concerns. Its normal bc I do it, my friends do it, my mom does it. We all look at people from our past bc that's facebook. It doesn't mean anything at all. And the fact that its just a ONS that she only saw twice doesnt mean its worse? Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 I feel in my heart and head this is the women for me, or I wouldnt have asked her to marry me. You're right that insecurities have gone too far, I agree, its like a poison. Im not sure what you mean by finding someone with more similarities though Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 You've already talked to her about it. She's not going to do anything differently and her stalking this dude doesn't sit well with you. It wouldn't with me either. I'd tell her you're done, let her go have her thing. She has deleted him, she actually offered, at first I told her I didnt want her doing something like that for me. Then a week later I told her it was still bothering and she deleted him no problems, she said she just wants it to stop bothering me. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 You don't pay attention to anything except the things that look like they're validating your concerns. Its normal bc I do it, my friends do it, my mom does it. We all look at people from our past bc that's facebook. It doesn't mean anything at all. You, your friends, and mom doing something doesn't make it 'normal'. And of course it means something to regularly check up on a person you don't even know who you had a one night stand with in the past. This guy isn't really someone from her past, he's just someone she had sex with one time, that's it, without knowing him - nothing to bind them together other than this physical thing. So why is she still so curious if that's all there is? He's not some old neighbor or math teacher that helped you learn your times table. Link to comment
hers Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Ok yes she has a crushed on him. Happy now? Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 Ok yes she has a crushed on him. Happy now? So are you writing this to get me to shut up, and throw it in my face, or do you actually think that? Link to comment
hers Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 All you want is someone to tell you what you want to hear, as is apparently thru all of your threads about this, so that's what I'm doing. Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 All you want is someone to tell you what you want to hear, as is apparently thru all of your threads about this, so that's what I'm doing. but doesnt pl3asehelp have a point when he says that her ONS is not even part of her past, like an ex would be, she hooked up physically with him twice Link to comment
TomboyMS Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 How do you know she checked this guy's facebook 4 times in 1.5 weeks? Do you monitor all her activities? Link to comment
hers Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Yes he does.... I wonder if she monitors his and sees him post obsessively on Here about her past. Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 What difference does it make? The difference is that an ex is someone you shared your life with a ONS is someone you hook up with for exactly that Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 Yes he does.... I wonder if she monitors his and sees him post obsessively on Here about her past. First of all I know that thinking about this obssesively is not good. I've been In relationships before and never had this issue, this insecurity thing is new, you can take it easy on me Link to comment
hers Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 I mean what difference does it make who she's looking up? Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 How do you know she checked this guy's facebook 4 times in 1.5 weeks? Do you monitor all her activities? I saw it once, curiosity got the best of me and I checked again (that's my issue) I'm here for help, if you want to question me you can, but I don't exactly enjoy this frame of mind Link to comment
hers Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 First of all I know that thinking about this obssesively is not good. I've been In relationships before and never had this issue, this insecurity thing is new, you can take it easy on me Admitting it is one thing but not doing a thing to solve it is another. Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 I mean what difference does it make who she's looking up? I would just understand more if its an ex, but to ME its just odd the frequency of checking or interest in some ONS that you never had any interest in beyond physical Link to comment
-Sanguine- Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 without telling me to get over it and that im being insecure, do you think what she's doing is normal or is it a cause for concern? No! What you are doing is the only cause for concern here!! I am sorry to be so blunt, but seriously man.. STOP obsessing. Soon she will get tired of your antics! Link to comment
hers Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 I would just understand more if its an ex, but to ME its just odd the frequency of checking or interest in some ONS that you never had any interest in beyond physical I know all about some peoples lives bc of facebook and they don't even know I exist. Seriously, its facebook. Link to comment
-Sanguine- Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 It seems you are never going to understand why she has the need to check his profile. It also seems like you keep coming back here so that people can tell you how you are feeling right and you keep posting the same thing over and over in hopes of finding those people who agree what she is doing is wrong.. well, no one really thinks she is doing anything wrong. doesn't that tell you something? that maybe you need to fix this? and by fix this I mean go to counselling, buy some books on insecurity.. please do this to help yourself so you don't ruin this relationship you have. Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 I know all about some peoples lives bc of facebook and they don't even know I exist. Seriously, its facebook. I should really get on facebook, maybe that would help, ugh Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 It seems you are never going to understand why she has the need to check his profile. It also seems like you keep coming back here so that people can tell you how you are feeling right and you keep posting the same thing over and over in hopes of finding those people who agree what she is doing is wrong.. well, no one really thinks she is doing anything wrong. doesn't that tell you something? that maybe you need to fix this? and by fix this I mean go to counselling, buy some books on insecurity.. please do this to help yourself so you don't ruin this relationship you have. I think you're right, about me looking for someone to validate what I feel, I think this is my last thread on ena until I fix myself, and get over this, thank you to everyone who had the patience and kindness to respond Link to comment
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