question for the dumpees

[slammin16]

After an ex has broken your heart, has anyone experienced finding someone so much more better or compatible then your ex months or years later?

 

Would you ever want to contact them and say something like " thank you for what you did, I wouldnt be where I am right now if it wasn't for you breaking my heart! Thank you so much!! lol

[ToF]

I think it would be immature to say that to an ex. Really, the message you'd be sending is, "I still think about the fact that you hurt me, and I am still bitter about it but I have found someone to distract me from that pain".

 

Take the high road and don't contact them.

[LoveConned]

yes you would totally be contradicting yourself if you said that. and i think if you truly did find someone else that was so much better then your ex, you wouldnt give a crap about your ex or what they thought about you moving on.

[blackhawks1287]

After an ex has broken your heart, has anyone experienced finding someone so much more better or compatible then your ex months or years later?

 

Would you ever want to contact them and say something like " thank you for what you did, I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for you breaking my heart! Thank you so much!! lol

 

It is immature sending it to them via text, email, message. But even though it was a little over a month ago and finding everything out I had the perfect thing to say to her. If SHE ever approached ME. Not text or email, just if she ever approached me. "You are clearly not the person who I thought you were, and you really did do me a favor. Thank you." I feel this way and I don't have anyone yet and I am happy I don't, I have rediscovered what was repressed by that succubus.

 

Don't say it though IMO. I do not plan on saying mine, just little thoughts. Good luck.

[NANsense]

I agree--being happy now is winning....rubbing your X's nose in it will make him feel victorious all over again as he/she will think "aha I'm still able to get to you!"...this translates to "you still aren't over me" in X language!

 

....but you can say it to us and silently rub his nose in it

[C_Unknown2005]

Slam,

 

Have dignity and continue on with your life without them in the picture. That just shows poor character to me if you said that to your ex.

[iBroken]

I found someone better than my ex.

 

She knows that I am happy with my now girlfriend. She also knows that my now girlfriend is a better fit for me. But I didnt thank her for breaking up with me. That would only condone her selfish behavior (The behavior that led to our split - not selfish because she left).

[reidqa]

Slammin,

 

Wife cheated.

Gave it 2 yrs.

Totally destroyed as a male.

Divorced:splat:

 

One month later met my wife.

 

30 yrs later still married.

 

Profile is my wife.

[wilyone 11]

I was dumped 6 weeks ago and just met someone else a few days ago who seems to be everything my ex was not and then some. I'm very excited.

 

Nothing cushions the blow of a bad break-up like the adoring attention of an even better man.

 

But if it works out with the new guy, I would never rub my ex's face in it. No dignity or class in that.

[Cheetarah]

If you're wanting to thank your ex for breaking up with you so you could find something better, you're not over it and I doubt you're even ready to date. You just don't think to say those things unless you're still hurting, jaded and bitter.

 

I got a message like that from one of my exes. I didn't respond because it was the silliest e-mail I've ever received. It was 2 years later out of nowhere and I had already moved on. My thoughts were "Are you ever going to get over it?"

[cdalton17]

I got a question? I am trying to dap into the dating thing, hard when I never really dated before. Only two longterm realtionships. and both was instant..

 

I am comparing(in head only) everyone to my Ex. I feel like me and my ex had such a bond, connection, that I will never find that again. But I know I will because both my first (13 years) and my recent ex(7+ years) had this "bond, connection.

 

I guess I am asking, am I ready to dap into meeting new people yet? been 3 months from a 7 year relationship. I have let her go with love. But when I get to chatting with these new girls, I dont find that instant connection (online dating), But I also never online dated before. I met both my ex's through work or a friend.

 

So when does this feeling go away? Meaning holding your ex up as they were the one. I dont get it because I did let go.. Or did I? I still feel for her, But dont want her back right now. She is to damaged and needs to straighten herself out, So do I ...

[Tryptophan]

You should never be thankful for a broken heart. It becomes part of you and who you are, it only makes you stronger. If you look at it from my point of view, they didn't really break your heart, you gave it voluntarily so the damage's responsibility falls 50/50. I don't blame anyone for breaking my heart; I knew I was risking it from day 1.

 

Saying that to an ex is putting all the blame on them. After the heartbreak, the pain is all on you and you have to rid yourself of it on your own, at your expense. You choose your NC or not. You make your actions, you act out your thoughts.

 

All you have to thank the ex for is the good or bad times you had. The heartbreak is always 50/50 or 49/51 at most. Telling that to an ex is showing weakness.

 

It shouldn't matter what they did or not after you're in a new relationship. It's past.

[ericssonfan]

I've actually thought about this approach of thanking them for this and that... showing me love, that this opens a door to a more compatible person, etc.. It's would really be hard to pull off without sounding sarcastic or even awkward if you're not completely over them. There may be unplanned feelings/anger/nervousness that can arise just from seeing them face to face.

I've played out so many scenarios in my head in my early months of NC and how I should approach things, but each time I come to my senses and stay SILENT. I know truly know my self value and dignity and it will be a cold day in hell before somebody pries that away from me again.. hahahah

 

Silence is Golden.. hmmm.. Strangely I feel like catching a flick at an AMC theatre now.. lol