21 years old and dont feel like sex is normal

[ferna3069]

i feel like sex is not normal any more. when i meet a girl and she talks to me about it. telling me what she likes .i feel real bad for answering.and i start apologizing.

 

this is my story. so my ex and i where together for 2 years and four months. well about a month after we where together she told me she was abused as a kid. she told me she felt like she was a bad person. so i told her she wasnt. i told her that in our relationship she does not have to do anything she doesnt want to. and all we need in our reltionship is to just talk and have fun. well during the first year i was with her i was kicked out of my house living with my bigger brother. where i had no one to talk to and i was treated real bad. i had no friends nothing. by the way i was 19 at the time.

 

well after six months of been together my ex started asking me if i wanted to make love to her. i told her not until i make sure you will be ok with it first. so she would start to mention it more and more and i would turn her down. it came to the point where she started to get mad at me. so then i decided you want to talk about it ok. i felt it was normal during that time. so i took it slow. well after we would talk about it she would make me feel guilty. and if i didnt she would get frustrated.she would tell me how she feels like a bad person talking about it. so i said im sorry. and then she would mention it agian.

 

well we would be on the phone she would bring it up. and if i did not talk about it she would get so mad. but when i did. i remember i can hear her making noises. and when she was done she would get mad at me agian. make me feel guilty. i would get mad and tell her to stop.but this cycle started going for days. she would do something and if i didnt do it she would get mad and if i did she would make me fell guilty.i felt so alone during this time and she was the only one i could talk to. well a year after been together i moved back home.well my faamily moved to this apartment. which is where i am right now. my younger brother and i share a room. well he would woul be coming in and out of the room. and the door did not have a lock. well so my ex and i where talking on the cam.she started getting urges. and told me to take my cloth off.i told her i couldnt because my brother was walking around. she told me she did not care. and tried to push me into it.

 

so i got mad and told her to stop or im going to leave her.because i finally felt like i wasnt alone. later on i told her no more of this. she started to cry and told me that thats how she felt beutiful. i told her she does not need that to be beutiful. and she told me that i did not understand. so i talked to her and i told her that if she did not stop i would leave her. well she told me she would stop making me feel bad. it took me a while to start feeling like it was ok.this girl was the only one who was there when i was going threw so much. so we started touching and every thing. but never had sex. well one day she freaks out on me. tells me she isnt comfterable in her own skin. and her mom finds out about my ex girlfriends past. then her mom told me i lost all trust in her because i asked my ex to have sex with me.my ex cleared it up with her mom and told her that we where a couple and that we both get urges.

 

but i feel so bad. i feel so guilty. i feel like everything that happened is my fault. no one knows about this part. but my ex and i. and ever one reading this. i feel like sex is a bad thing. like i said when a girl talks to me about it and i answer. i find myself saying im sorry. i went from feeling like its normal. to feeling like im a bad person. i dont know how to get out of this situation im stuck.i know later when i get into a relation im not going to feel comfterable with everything. i wont be able to do anything because ims cared of hurting some one

[FathomFear]

It sounds as though both of you could benefit from some therapy, as you both clearly are suffering some hang-ups which need to be explored and ultimately addressed.