not sure what to do

[quazit]

hey everybody im not sure if this is the right place to post this but my girlfriend spent the night at her friends house (a girl) but a guy spent the night too she woke up and he was kissing her and she thought she was dreaming so she went back to sleep but then she woke up and he was touching her (she hasnt tole me where yet) and well i am pissed not at her obviously and she doesent think its her fault or anything so its not life threatening so would you give me some ideas on what to do both about the guy and im going to be as comforting as i can but would you girls tell me how you would want someone to be if this had happened. its not the first time this has happened it has been with different guys and i think she said it has happened 3 times b4! please help me out on what to do with my anger and how to help her out

[quazit]

could someone please reply this is the first time anything like this has happened to one of my girlfriends so i really dont know how to deal with it

[sayer7]

It sounds fishy to me hon.

 

And why is she even at sleep-overs WITH guys in the first place? Where's the parents? Who's chaperoning? That was a big no-no until I was 18 and still living under my parents roof.

 

I feel the reason it's only happened to this particular gf is because something is going on, on her end, that's causing guys to kiss her like that. Guys don't just start kissing girls while they're sleeping for no reason, and girls don't let that kind of thing happen more than once (no less 3 times or more!!) especially if she were very uncomfortable with it.

 

Have a serious conversation with her and try to get down to the bottom of things. Things just don't sound square here.....

[quazit]

yea i know im a little scared of that side of things too but she sounded upset about it and i dont think this girl would lie to me we talk about absolutely everything. and well i dunno shes at sleepovers with guys and iv been going to ones with girls for about 2 or 3 years so i guess were just different is all. i think she was telling the truth about this though. i was kind of frantic back ther cause i think way to much about some things but iv calmed down now and well i dont know its just... it just doesent seem like her i mean i was the first guy she ever even went past closed mouthed kissing with. this guy has had a crush on her for a while fomr what iv heard. the shaperones werent in the god damn room with em lol. and well i think they were all in the same bed. iv done the same thing but yea... i am going to talk it over with her when i see her tomrow. she was to nervouse to tell me where he touched her over the phone. lol i was so pissed it hink i snapped a tooth i clenched my jaw so tight. after a bit more details you still think it all sounds a bit fishy

[ridikerous]

That's horrible! It's sexual harassment. Maybe you should call a sexual harassment hotline and ask them if there's anything you can do. I'm not sure you could take him to court, I don't know how you could prove it, unless you tried to catch him by putting a hidden camera in there and getting her friends to have another sleep over with him and her there. Or maybe if you got a witness somehow...

 

Find out what the guy's name is, and reassure her that it wasn't her fault (she probably already knows this but it helps so much to be reassured).

[sayer7]

Well the only part that sounds fishy is that this has happened 3 or more other times with other guys... right?

 

Did she react the same way?

 

I dunno... I would just know that if I were that age again and that happened to me more than once at a co-ed sleep over, and it made me feel so upset and violated, I wouldn't be going to any more co-ed sleep overs. Why put yourself in danger of that happening again?

 

I might be totally off base though....

[quazit]

i know its horrible but hes been her friend for a while and she doesent appearantly want to get him in trouble... i do but yea she doesent seem to distraught over it but she definitly didnt sound like she liked it or anything. i think she was trying not to freak out over the phone as much as i was trying to not sound pissed

[quazit]

well she said like 3 times efore so she might have been freaked out a little and just exagerated but even if it happened like once b4 its still a horrible record ... i can think of one other thing when she woke up the first time and tought she was dreaming she might have like kissed him back fro a second cause she thought she was dreaming and that encouraged him. i dunno o and apearantly they had come back from a party where alot of the girls were getting guys worked up and he didnt get to do anything with any of them. besides likea few truth or dare kisses(one of which was my gf) but im not upset over like truth or dare kisses ya know

[hurtabandoned]

Is it just me or does having a coed sleep over seem like a terribly bad idea.

 

Since this has happened to her multiple times I suggest that she avoids this type of situation.

[quazit]

its not that bad i mean in MOST cases the worst that can happen is some kissing form games and such i mean im going to one in about a weke where im the only guy with i think aobut 4 girls

[quazit]

one last thing i have one thing that kind of freaks me out and its that maybe she was awake after the first time and just freaked out when he started feeling her

[quazit]

well everyone im going to sleep but keep posting things ( i need some sleep considering i have a date with this girl tomrow) ill read them in the morning and hopefully know what to do

[Shizzle]

dude i would tell her t get the police involved!! then that will soon sort out if she was actually in on it!!! IMO tell her you iant likin her goin over to sleepovers!! or here's the big idea! YOU GO WITH HER!!

 

but if some lad did that to my girl i would beat the crap out of him!! what right does he have to touch the person YOU are going out with!!!

 

i had past experices in this and it annoys me so f'in much, please sit her down get her to tell the police or something dont let this lad get away with it! after he been dealed with by the police you go get him! i nprmally never condone violence but this is to far whoop his damn ass

[ComputerGuy]

Wow, that's real bad. I think you need to talk to your g/f about it, find out exactly what happened. She is going to be VERY upset I would imagine, so I suggest you be very gentle and patient with her. What this guy did is sexual assault, so you need to keep that in mind once you have talked things through, and see where she wants to go from there. Don't pressure her to make any sort of decision, just be there and support whatever decision she does make.

 

I'm so sorry to hear this happened, I hope you can get through all this

[quazit]

iv talked with her i dont think shes lying aoubt this at all she seemed distressed over the whole thing shes going to talk about it with th eguy and confront him and believe me i want to kick his *beeb* but i stopped doing that for a reason... i used to do stuff like that alot. but yea if he still denys everything i think i can convince her to at least tell him parents. and if she doesent want to because she would freak out i would tell her i could do it for her. one problem there is i might see him at his house and really have to stop talking for a second to not go over and just slam him against a wall and have a tlak with him that way. what do you guys think might be a good way to get out this aggression b4 it makes me do something really stupid?