Snooped on ex, weird feeling.

[MissSMcc]

almost 4 months post BU after 5 years together.

i'm doing really well, NC since break up other than to discuss furniture/ moving out etc. i've changed my phone numbers, blocked his emails and facebook and deleted all mutual friends. i haven't snooped on him at all since the early days of NC. my wee bro came over today and mentioned my ex and him are still xbox live friends although they don't talk. so, i have no idea why other than i was bored, but i googled his xbox username. his profile came up. not much on it, other than his signature is now 'i feel like s**t but at least i feel something.'

i don't even know if this is about our break up, it's been 4 months and i know he moves on quickly, it may be another ex, or some other family situation. the weird thing is, i don't actually care much. i guess it stings a little, if it is about me, i know he felt nothing when he left. i wish him the best though. thinking about him now feels like thinking about someone i knew in primary school or an old neighbour, some vague memory of someone i used to be close to but haven't known for ages if that makes sense.

i guess i'm posting this as a kind of confessional, i've posted the block/ delete/ resist advice so many times i feel it's needed. when i first came on here and people said in a few months you'll feel so much better i cried all the harder because i couldn't imagine waiting that long. so for anyone in the early stages, i know it's tough, but time does really dull the pain.

[Robin2904]

I've done similar stuff recently and I relate. It is kind of odd isn't it? I was also really good with not snooping on him (Haven't seen him since January, had him deleted and blocked from pretty much everywhere since November) I removed myself from this social networking site for a common venue in his area that we both used to go to right after we really stopped speaking in January. I was good and didn't snoop on him for months. Then recently I reactivated my page, and a few days ago check in on him. It was just...weird. I think it's just weird to look at something that is theirs after so long.

 

Its great that you were able to handle it so well, and really don't have any emotional connection. It seems like you've been very productive with moving on.

[catfeeder]

[...] thinking about him now feels like thinking about someone i knew in primary school or an old neighbour, some vague memory of someone i used to be close to but haven't known for ages if that makes sense. [...]

 

So well said. This is the way you can't believe it will ever feel while in the throes of grief, I guess because you don't want your feelings for them to fade. Maybe we believe that the sharp pain keeps us connected somehow. Maybe that's why some people fight to never let go, but staying miserable is the only outcome from that--not exactly desirable.

 

You're self aware and you're doing well. Lots of people hit a 5 month wall, but I think grief comes in waves and no bout of it takes away from any of the progress you've made. It just feels like it at the time. ; )