Fiancee seems to have put me on second shelf

[zb]

I have been with this girl for a little over 3 years now. Everything was perfect the first 2 1/2 years but this last year has been really hard. She has been very busy, president of the college group she belongs to. It seems like she hardly ever has time to be with me due to homework or the group she belongs to, or because she is just really tired.

 

The thing that bothers me is that most of the time when she says she is going to study or going to sleep it turns out that she stayed up until 4 in the morning watching tv by herself or with friends. If she decided to stay up after I had called her wanting to know if she wanted to spend some time with each other why does she not bother to call me when she knows that I am a night owl?

 

There has been other things too. Like every since she joined this group on she is apart of she has started to go to parties and stuff. There was several times last year or maybe it was last semester where there would be a party and I would ask to go and she would say that it was not an open or member guest part... just for members. Those nights she would sometimes come to my room after but most often she would claim that she was going to sleep. She would tell me the next day that it turned out it was member quest. NOw I know their phone does not work, but don't you think she could have used a cell phone or just came and got me, we go to a small campus.

 

The other day I got really mad because she hung the phone up on me, so I went to her dorm all pist with all this frustration in side of me and I demanded my ring back I then cried for like 3 hours straight because I had not had her ring but 10 minutes and I was already asking her to take it back. She would not. So I went and got flowers and waited for her meeting with the group to get over with so I oculd give her the flowers she was smiling before she even saw the flowers and it was like everything was ok, she even took my ring back and when I asked her if we are still going to get married she said yes. She has been on a trip for choir this weekend, it was a real trip not something made up just incase you were thinking, so it will be interesting to see how she reacts.

 

I don't know if time really has been the issue this year or if something is going on. We went from having sex like 2 or 3 times every other night, to maybe 1 or 2 times a week and now I am lucky to get any 1 or 2 in a month.... I just do not know what to do or what to think. Why would she take my ring back if she was really wanting to dump me all along, I mean I gave her the prefect oppertunity to do so and I would been the bad guy not her. Do you think that maybe she has had a fling with one of the guys in her group, it is coed. The prob with that is all the straight guys have fiancee's and the other guys are bi. I do know that she got a picture with one of the bi guys and another girl he had his arms around both of them but she took it down after I questioned it. This guy has also went on a trip to france to study and since then she is back to asking me to parties like she used to. Should I confront her again about all this. I found some ways to use psychology on her. Like if she looks to the left before answering that means she is making something up because she is using the left side of her brain which is the creative side..............

[zb]

You just need to understand that we had spent every day with each other until she joined the group.......and then it slowly turned to a day or two a week and now the only time I see her is during the day, like we will go to lunch together, or we will go out to eat someplace for dinner. Or if one of us needs to go to the store or something. Outside of that it is as if we are just friends, most the times she does come over to actually visit we end up having sex, but afterwards maybe 20 minutes later she goes back to her room. She has not stayed in my dorm the whole year and she used to say in my room almost every other night, and especially after we had sex. I just do not know what to do. She was always such a good person, I can't see her turning out to bad. I mean everyone that knows her comments on how sweet and honest she is.

[ezila]

First of all, you don't actually mention how old either of you are - which may be an important factor in all of this.

 

I am a *BIG* proponent of being independent, even when you're in a relationship - so to me, it sounds like that's all she's trying to do. You know, get some space without telling you directly, thinking that she's sparing your feelings (and not realizing that it's having the opposite effect).

 

You *DO* need to have a heart-to-heart with her, and ask her WHY she's being distant. I wouldn't jump to immediate conclusions about her being unfaithful - just ask her outright what's going on.

 

You may have nothing to worry about at all.

[zb]

she is 22 I am 23. I guess your right I should just talk to her but not accuse her of anything. If she does want it over with and is just not able to say so if I ask her point blank why we have not been doing much maybe she will come finally let it out of the bag. We have talked about living together, marriage, having kids, we even have a name picked out for our future daughter...of coarse when I ask her when we will get married she just says someday...I like to know have a plan that is just how I am..... independent is one thing....leaving someone behind after spending almost every day with them is another. I made the mistake of giving up my social life for her... at the time it seemed like a good idea because we had so much fun being together by ourselves but now I have no one to go to when I am bored or to talk to when I am upset. I mean what about the forgetting that a party was member guest so I could have went, and then telling me the next day that I could have instead of getting me that night? Isnt that a little funny?

[zb]

it is also funny because the guy that I think she may have messed around with who is bi....fell on her at a party that I was not at and broke her toe...they were on a couch or something..... odd.....and then she had a picture of him with his arm around her...another girl was under his other arm, but why would she have a picture of him on the desk and mine has not been on her desk in a while, now no pictures on on her desk....heh...

 

The other problem I have.....this is the first girl I have been with, but since we have not hardly had any sex recently you would think she would go back to being tighter but she hasnt really. we were both virgins our first time so I know how she grew with me. I read that if a girl does not have sex for like 4 months she practically goes back to being a virgin, we have had sex maybe 3 times in the last few months....I just have a feeling something is going on. Her sex drive should not be slowing down at her age. I guess that we make love at all is a good sign though, I mean if she liked another guy you would think she would not make love to me at all..........damn I hate this.

[zb]

Don't any of you have any advice?