I really just need to get this off my chest.

[Kailynn]

My ex boyfriend broke up with a little over a month ago. Since then I haven't really talked to anyone about it, I'm not much of a talker, however I'm about to explode this morning. I'm not so much looking for advice because I know if he comes back he would of without any games and if he doesn't it really wasn't supposed to work out.

 

Anyways, for any of this to really make sense I have to start with an ex ex relationship, I tell you..they haunt you. I was dating a guy for about 9 months around 4 years ago. I had an issue at my work (I'm not sure it's appropriate to discuss here so I won't elaborate) that left me very vulnerable and depressed. My boyfriend at the time was the only support system I had and I relied heavily on him when I was going through my counseling. He grew tired of it and broke up with me, saying I was clingy, needy, he didn't love me and that he was going to move away and have sex with a lot of girls. During the course of our relationship I gave that guy everything. I paid for every dinner, bought him fancy gifts, left little notes on his car at work, at one point he was even living with me rent free because his lease was up. I never once complained. Needless to say, when he broke up with me I was devastated. As much as I knew he was bad for me (he was like a child really) I still loved him. The next year I picked up my pieces and moved on, only to be continuously bothered by him, he'd text asking for sexy pictures, or call "just to chat".

 

Then, I met my current ex, the one I'm having a hard time letting go. He is a lovely man. I've never been in love with someone quite like I am with him. We dated for 2 years, we had our moments but, ultimately our relationship was good. The problems started very recently when he logged into my Facebook to change my status to something stupid. He saw I had a message and was compelled to read it (he's since apologized) he saw I was talking to a guy that was a student advisor on a Europe trip I took in 2006. He lives in England, I live in Illinois. The guy would say things like "Hello love, how are you?" and I'd respond politely but, never anything I thought could be considered "flirting". My ex called me after reading those messages and asked if I had been talking to anyone that I wasn't telling him about. Given that I wasn't trying to hide anything I told him no, he flew off the handle and called me a liar, said he couldn't date a liar and that he'd talk to me tomorrow when he's had time to think. That next morning I explained I really had no intentions of hiding anything from him. I really would have let him see the messaged had he asked but I didn't think anything of it. He accepted it and we talked a bit more about how he felt under appreciated, how I needed to make more of an effort and so on. During the next two months I did my best to show more affection, when I had money I'd take him to dinner or lunch, whichever I could afford (I haven't had a job since my incident, not for lack of effort). I was doing my best to make things better and one evening I asked him if he thought things were still going okay because I felt as if he wasn't happy. He said he had realistic expectations and that he knew I was trying. He liked everything I had done lately and that he loved me. We were working through things and it's getting better. The next morning was similar. He texted me his plans, said he loved me and he'd talk to me after his job interview.

 

That afternoon he calls me and says we need to break up.

 

He explains to me that he isn't happy. He feels like our relationship became an obligation because he always has to make plans and pay for things. He feels like he puts in 90% effort and I put in 10%. I was heartbroken. I just tried to discuss this with him the night before. He says he thinks I'm making getting a job more difficult than it is and while he loves me, wants a future with me, he doesn't like the direction the relationship is heading. I told him I wanted to be able to buy him things, take him to dinner, make things more equal, I agreed, hugged him and walked away.

 

I sent him an email that evening explaining that while I never meant to make him feel taken advantage of I enjoyed feeling special, which didn't happen in my previous relationship (he knows the whole story). A few days later my ex sends me this:

 

"I got your emails and things and they did explain some things, for that I thank you. Now I'm just taking time and space from everything. I felt that after 2 years you at least deserved a response that I was still alive. I'm sorry things obviously didn't go the way we hoped. I wish you the best and for now, if I don't respond to things it's nothing personal"

 

I responded with a short message apologizing for my end, saying I wanted to work things out in the future, that I cared for him and i believe the time apart was also a good thing. The next day I posted on my Facebook that I got into the grad school I applied to, he sent me a congratulations texts and I responded with a simple thank you.

 

Since then, he's deleted me off Facebook and untagged himself in all my albums, even those that didn't include me. I've deactivated my Facebook account, it's been a long time coming, I think Facebook is stupid. We haven't talked in about 3 weeks. He'll be come from the grad school he attends in early may. I tried getting him to pick up his things when we broke up but, he never called me back, or brought it up since. He still has drawers of my things in his apartment at school which need to be exchanged. I don't like feeling that things are so up in the air.

 

I love him with everything I have. He's asked for space and I'm doing my best to give him that. If he was an a-hole I'd just assumed he was banging another chick and I should suck it up but, he's still friends with my best friends and my dads best friend..any sneaky things he can do I'd know about. We'll see what happens in the summer. I've since got a job and bought a new car ( no more driving all the time for him!) I'm hoping for the best.

 

Rant over!

[inglesia]

I wouldn't worry too much about your past relationship. If you're going to grad school just focus on that and you'll probably meet someone better there. If you want to be prepared for the rest of your life you have to get over him.

[Kailynn]

Perhaps. Although my current ex and I were in the process of getting engaged. In fact, just weeks before we'd gone ring shopping. I don't feel like it was supposed to end the way it did, I was supposed to marry him. It's going to take me a while before I stop feeling like this.

 

I've tried going on dates, seeing other men, but I really just feel guilty. A guy tried to kiss me and I started crying. It's that bad lol