Is being attractive necessarily being sexy?

[Jennyju]

Hello and help ... ! I've been feeling down, way down.

 

I've been feeling unattractive and depressed lately, even though I'm reasonably slim and have some attractive features. But I'm also 39 and past the "young and sexy" age, and someone I cared about deeply has started dating an attractive woman in her 20s. Whenever I think about him choosing her over me, I just feel like a dried up ol' prune.

 

I feel like I can't "compete" in the area of sexiness, but that seems to be what men are looking for. I know that's a generalisation, but you know what I mean. It's like I can't win.

 

I've started being a little resentful of my 20-something co-workers, because they have something I don't anymore, which I know is ridiculous. But that shows how I've been feeling ...

 

I can't fight aging, and I can't fight what men seem to want. How can I get to have a better attitude about myself as a woman???? I need some advice and encouragement to get me out of this rut ...

 

Thanks for your help...

[fantasia2004]

As long as you don't compete and be yourself and confident is what men truly find sexy.

 

No other way to look at it.

 

I have seen ugly men or women that get get other loves because of being separate from the pack.

[RainaBabe]

Sexiness has nothing to do with how slim you are, nor does it have anything to do with your age. There are 20-year old women who are a size 6 out there who aren't half as sexy as a slightly plump 35-year old woman. Why? Because the latter is confident, knows what she wants, won't take crap from a man, plays up her best features, and enjoys life.

[Cassie]

Hi Jenny. I think you need to seek out your inner peace and beauty again. Another thing that may help you feel better about yourself physically may be joining a gym. That way you can look your prime, and it is a healthy solution as well! Exercising is also an excellent natural way to boost your mood. I've been considering some yoga classes for myself, maybe it is something you would find helpful? Good luck with everything, and keep us up to date on how you are feeling.

[Jennyju]

Thanks, gals, for the reminders. Sigh. I guess I've just been feeling trampled lately. I do need to restore my inner peace and regain my footing.

 

Fantasia and RainaBabe, I appreciate your advice. I'll focus on my confidence, not my skin or waistline.

 

And Cassie, thanks for caring! I appreciate knowing you're also thinking of doing something good for yourself. Hopefully I'll be able to get to the gym more often and get those natural highs to cheer me back up.

 

Thanks you guys!

[Scout]

Jenny: go to the gym, get your hair done in a vampy new style & color, treat yourself like a queen right now. And go out and get YOURSELF a younger guy! Lots of young guys love older women, trust me on this.

 

Now, for some long-term advice & feedback:

 

I know how you feel, sometimes I feel a bit threatened by younger women, but the fact is, I like who I am so much more now that I'm in my thirties. I was honestly a Neanderthal nitwit in my twenties. My ex is also spending a lot of time now with a very young girl, she's 20 years old (and he's 32!) I've met her...and if they do end up together, I honestly don't feel it's because she was prettier than me. She's cute, but she has the body of a stick (her clothes were hanging off of her, and she really didn't look that healthy), is very immature, and has no money. I don't even think she has a job. If that's what he wants...well, that just shows me how immature my ex is (I wish I'd seen that before I fell for him, though).

 

I on the other hand have a healthy figure, support myself financially, sing in a band, work out daily at the gym, AND I am taking a martial arts class next month. In short, I'm going to be a badass! Well, you get the idea...I'm working on both my inner and outer power, and who knows...it may lead me to meet other powerful and grounded people. Definitely the opposite of the ex.

 

Hang in there and DON'T let them beat you! Get out of your comfort zone, and try some things you've always really wanted to do but were too scared. You are 39 years old for goodness sake - these days, that's young!! You probably have at least 50 years ahead of you, so you need to get your zest for life going again. It's like this: you don't want to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death. Now get back out there, girl!

[ShySoul]

Sexiness isn't about looks it's about attitude. I find someone who is confident in theirself and proud of who they are to be much more attractive than some young slim wannabe model. Personality means way more than appearance. And who says only one type of figure is attractive? Older woman can be very sexy.

[ComputerGuy]

I'm going to say no and I have a good example. Brittany Murphy (the actor) is someone I DO NOT find attractive at all. However, at the same time, I find her incredibly sexy. Not sure exactly why, but I'm going to say no to your question

[fantasia2004]

I am glad somebody said it because I did not think she was pretty at all and she is getting better looking with her make up.

Brittany murphy

[Jennyju]

Hang in there and DON'T let them beat you! Get out of your comfort zone, and try some things you've always really wanted to do but were too scared. You are 39 years old for goodness sake - these days, that's young!! You probably have at least 50 years ahead of you, so you need to get your zest for life going again. It's like this: you don't want to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death. Now get back out there, girl!

 

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughts and feedback. Special thanks for your encouragement, Scout, and long-term advice. I tend to I forget sometimes that just because someone has treated me badly, that doesn't mean that's all I'll ever get (or deserve) in life. I don't know where that thought first came from, but I do think it sometimes.

 

They say that to express confidence, you should walk into a room like you own it. self up I guess it's time I do that in life as well. Let's hope for the best!