Ex Contacted Me and I'm Confused

[Generic User Name]

My ex and I broke up about four years ago (long distance relationship). We were in NC for about 1 1/2 years, after which I contacted her. She was in a relationship already, then eventually got married. Between that we casually chatted maybe once every three months. I wished her a great marriage when I found out about it, she said thanks, and then we stopped talking to each other. Left things on a good note.

 

Another 1 1/2 year goes by.

 

She contacted me online a few weeks ago. I see on her profile she became single. Welp. We exchanged a few messages (all initiated by her) and then she gave me her phone number. I have texted her and suggested that we catch up.

 

I called her, she didn't pick up. Few days later she calls me, after I texted her, but it was rather awkward. I froze up as soon as I heard her voice. Two minutes later I excused myself and said that I will call her back in a minute. When I called back, she said that she is having a meeting in a few, so I told her that I will just call back later. An hour later I sent a text asking if she's done, but didn't get a response. Next day I call her again and we have another awkward two minutes, then tells me that she has to go because her cellphone is about to die. Says that she will call me back if she can charge her phone somewhere. No call. I have sent her a friendly text yesterday, asking how was the party she mentioned, but didn't respond yet.

 

I feel like she doesn't really want to talk with me because I was so quiet and boring on the phone. Or she could be busy. Or not in the mood. Who knows. I do want to know why she messaged me though.

 

And now I can't concentrate on my work, as I keep thinking about this all day. Which is pretty silly. It doesn't help that I've been stressed all month with writing over 20 essays and still having to write six more by next week.

 

What should I do? Should I call her?

[moram]

I am asking for advise what to do for myself here in this forum but it is so easy to see what is the best for the others.

 

She made the first move, then you tryed to reach her several times and it did not work. I think it is time for her to make a move again. If you insist too much it shows that you are too needy.

 

Think about what to say to start a conversation in a cheerful way if she eventually calls you and then see where it goes. Be a happy person and she will be interested in knowing more.

 

But dont expect her to call you back.

[doyathink]

I am asking for advise what to do for myself here in this forum but it is so easy to see what is the best for the others.

 

She made the first move, then you tryed to reach her several times and it did not work. I think it is time for her to make a move again. If you insist too much it shows that you are too needy.

 

Think about what to say to start a conversation in a cheerful way if she eventually calls you and then see where it goes. Be a happy person and she will be interested in knowing more.

 

But dont expect her to call you back.

 

This pretty much says it all. Let her contact you from here on out till you find out WHY she got back in touch with you. It could merely be she was just wanted to know if you were still alive.

[Generic User Name]

I think I will let her contact me then. I would feel needy trying to message her again.

 

Hopefully that phone call wasn't our last conversation though, just because I wasn't too talkative at the time. She might remember that I'm introverted and was quiet at first...

 

Thanks for the responses.

[doyathink]

come back and let us know how it goes.....I wish you all the best

[Generic User Name]

Thanks.

 

I gave up on waiting though. I know she is not that busy as to not be able to call me back or respond to my text; It takes less than 30 seconds to do so. Feels like she simply does not care.

 

I was hoping I could be friends with her, now that she is single. But I think avoiding someone like this is inconsiderate and rude. I don't tolerate this sort of behavior from my friends, so certainly not going to accept it from her. People like that are not worth my time.

 

She must have been confused and lonely because of her break up. Decided to message me, but then later regretted it. And since I'm just an online entity, living hundreds of miles away, it's easy to break off contact and disappear. She did the same thing before we broke up and after a few months of NC breakage as well, so I'm not too surprised.

 

Talking with her on the phone brought back good memories, but this also reminded me of the worst feelings I have ever had to experience. She has no idea how the breakup and her ignoring me affected my life. Never told her. She was able to date someone within a week, while I ended up fighting clinical depression for almost two years. Although that's certainly not her fault. First love and all. I have improved myself and my self-esteem since, but...

 

...it is not unreasonable of me to be disappointed and somewhat upset, right?

[dramallama]

It is not unreasonable to be disappointed and upset... but that usually happens only with VERY close friends or someone you have feelings for. You cannot be her friend because you want more than that. Don't even go there.

[Generic User Name]

Feelings? Yes. But I would not be interested in dating her whatsoever.

[dramallama]

Why don't you have time apart so you can get over those feelings and focus your attention on someone else?

[Generic User Name]

I have tried dating, but didn't have much luck. I couldn't connect with my dates and I wasn't that interested, or they weren't interested in me. I stopped looking for dates and relationships for over a year now. But you're right, focusing on someone else would help a lot.

[dramallama]

In that case, what's wrong with focusing on yourself? Leave the past in the past.

[Generic User Name]

That's what I've been doing. I just need to forget about her contacting me, like it never happened, I guess.

[doyathink]

I have tried dating, but didn't have much luck. I couldn't connect with my dates and I wasn't that interested, or they weren't interested in me. I stopped looking for dates and relationships for over a year now. But you're right, focusing on someone else would help a lot.

 

Yeah, that just means your heart is still taken. Im going through that too. I was the dumper, but I feel that I had no other choice but to leave. I miss him every single minute of every single day. And ya know what....its ok to sit in thought for awhile on those nice memories with them. Hey, this was a chapter in our lives, and they played a huge role in that chapter. Just dont let the thoughts consume you, and dont stay there for long.

Things change, ppl change and ya never know what wonderful person will come walking in that door as soon as you close that window .....

[resilient]

Things change, ppl change and ya never know what wonderful person will come walking in that door as soon as you close that window .....

 

I think I am becoming your fan for spreading hope and positive energy

[doyathink]

I think I am becoming your fan for spreading hope and positive energy

 

LOL thank you. that sorta kinda made my day a little brighter. I dont think there is enough hope in relationships now days. Everyones walking around in pride, and ego so much they cant see. If heartache is going to happen...its going to happen. So if you feel you need to contact them FOR YOU...then do it. But just be prepared to be ignored lol...I dont look for a response when I make contact anyway....I do it for me.

[Generic User Name]

You're right, Doyathink. It's time for me to turn the chapter of my life and move on.

 

Also, haha, reading back my previous post after a good night sleep makes me realize how much of a big deal I made out of something so insignificant. Not to mention that it's been only a few days. Good riddance. Glad I wrote that up.