I cant take this anymore

[lost6194]

I dont know what to do anymore. I feel so alone cause i dont have anyone to talk to. I want to be dead and gone from all of this. My life is hell everyday, every hour. I cant put up with everything anymore. Im depressed and stressed out. My mom and her boyfriend have been fighting for 2 days straight, to the point where i thought someone would call the cops. I cant take the yelling anymore. They finally stopped and now i have the worst headache in the world. I already have myself to worry about and all my problems, then i gotta deal with their drama. Nothing will ever get better, it just keeps getting worse and worse. unfortunately i have no where else to live right now, so im stuck with all of this, i cant do it anymore im tired. I have so much stress it feels like a thousand pounds on my shoulders. I cant live like this, im so alone. Nobody cares, i know everybody says that but there is nobody that cares how i feel. I have a whole bottle of pills that knock you out like sleeping pills, i think bout just swallowing them all and just falling asleep and never wake up. Nobody understands what im going through right now. Im suffering and it hurts, and i feel stupid admitting that. I give up, the pain is too much for me to take anymore.. If you knew how i feel inside then you would understand why i want to be dead. No one should have to feel this bad. God must really hate me.

[jas56]

Im sorry that you feel this way. You have some options of who you can talk with even if they aren't there physically, take us here at ENA for example. What about other family members? What is the relationship with you and your mom and how easy is it for you to talk with her about these occurences? I know that you feel like you want to give up because yes situations are hard and yes they are stressful. Do NOT take that road and try to down those pills. More than likely you will end up surviving that and feeling alot worse. You say that nobody understands what you are going through. Trust me, PLENTY of people including myself do, and that is why I am taking the time to write you. To encourage you. Do not feel bad for admitting a feeling that is totally ok in your situation. There were certain times where I have felt an OVERWHELMING need to want to leave this earth but I at least have to try to fight. Try to slowly find a way out of that type of thinking and once you find it hold on. You say God must really hate you? No, I would say that its the other deity that is leading you to believe that. If there are any support groups around your area I would seriously consider going to them, and you know what if your not comfortable with that, stay here and talk with us. That is why this site is here.

[lost6194]

The only way to end this pain and suffering is to leave this world. I dont want to feel like this anymore, i cant keep going. I dont talk to my mom about stuff like this because its just uncomfortable. why do i have to keep going through this alone? why cant sumone ever be there when i really need them? it should have been me in the coffin and not my friends dad. i have so much anxiety, im scared, i dont want to be alone anymore. im beyond depressed, i cant even cry anymore. i just cant see the point in anything anymore.

[Yaz]

Do you want to die, or to escape? There is a difference. Needing and wanting to escape is very normal, especially when things get difficult. It is normal to feel this way.

 

Do not end your life; just try to imagine your loved ones arranging your funeral. It would be heartbreaking - but you can prevent that pain for them.

 

If this feeling endures for more than a few days, I would go to a GP. Make them listen. If they don't, go to one who will. You can't do this alone, but don't try to make it better without professional help. Professionals are professionals for a reason.

 

If you need to, you can PM me.

[Mathew]

Hey lost6194,

 

I just read your post and it made me sad =/ I used to feel the way you do and have experienced similar problems among others, just know people always care, even strangers! Stay strong, things always get better. If where you are is what is causing your stress you need to leave! You need to take care of yourself.

[Tryptophan]

I've been through that. I remember taking pills, and thinking that I would never wake up, but all it did was bring more problems into my life - messed up my liver permanently because of the types of pills it took. If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me. It can't rain forever. Listen to music when they're fighting, at least it'll drown it out.

 

Don't give up on yourself, even when it feels like everyone else has. We're here for you! And most of all, you have yourself. Don't lose yourself.