Stuck in a VERY tough position.

[want her back]

I'm in love with a girl that I dated for 6.5 years. We talked about our future together, shared all our dreams. But I think she got tired of waiting, so she asked for a break about 2 months ago. Since then we continue to talk and I'm in the toughest position I've ever been in.

 

I neglected her feelings in teh past, and she had her heart broken by me time and time again when I never bought her a ring. She left me, and now my feelings are 10 fold stronger than ever. (I didn't realize what I had until it was gone)

 

So as evident by my screen name, I want her back. She knows this too. I express my inner most feelings to her time and time again, sometimes it flatters her, others it makes her mad ("where was this when we were together"). I'm sort of pushing her to take me back, telling her over and over I will change let me prove it etc. etc. But she wont budge, she is afraid it will go back to the way it was. For the past week, I have written her a love poem each day and she reads them and tells me she really likes them. I have vowed to her that I will write one everyday for her. She gives me mixed signals, on the phone she invites me over, I get the impression she is willing to work on us, I get over there and she acts weird. She doesn't know what she wants.

 

So how do I prove to her I am willing to change? I have thought about just asking her for marriage, but in passing discussing that with her she has said things like how could she be happy in a marriage knowing it had to come to her leaving me before I finally bought her the ring. So then how do I prove to her my love, how do I win her back?

 

She has built up a wall around her self. When asked if she wants to see someone else, I know she still has very strong feelings for me, but is afraid I'll return to the old me. When asked about someone else, she said if she wanted to be with someone else she would cut me out of her life completely. She is not treating me fairly (then again, I'm not treating her fairly by pushing her into a relationship)

 

I'm trying be patient and let her come back to me, but how is she going to come back to me when she doesn't know my feelings and only thinks back to my neglecting her.

 

Do I stop pursuing her? Do I continue to get strung along like this and pouring my heart out to her? How do I prove to her I can change? How do I win her back?

[brokenpogostick]

I can tell you from personal experience that once you get to a certain point waiting you finally give up. When you give up is when a guy will really start trying. It doesn't matter what you say or what you do when you're actually in the relationship to get the point accross to a guy...it just doesn't work.

 

In my situation, i just didn't love him anymore - period. It didn't matter what he said or what he did, the feeling just wasn't there anymore. He did all the same things you're doing and all it did was make me mad.

 

If she does still love you though you need to keep it up. You need to prove to her beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are going to remain this way.

[want her back]

I know she still loves me. At first (when she first asked for space) my expressing myself upset her and made her mad. Now she likes it, but is confused by me and doesn't understand where this was in the past.

 

I'm under the impression I'm allowed to continue to write her love poems.

 

How else can I prove to her "beyond a shadow of a doubt". How else do you prove someone you love them wiht all of your heart, without scaring them off at the same time?

[RayKay]

Alright...well while I would not NORMALLY say this is the best thing to do...here goes.

 

It seems she left as she started to doubt your commitment to her and as you said herself, kept expecting a ring and not getting one. If you both talked of the future together and of marriage.....and did both want this, and you are 100% sure you do want to be with her 100% this time around with a second chance...why don't you get the ring?

 

She might say no now, but....if she loves you, and her only concern really is that you will get back together and once again you will be wishy washy about everything, I think she might want something very committed from you.

 

Of COURSE if you are in no way ready for marriage of have doubts about being with her...don't. There are other ways to "win her back" through seduction etc....but it seems to me she does love you, just doubts your commitment and started to feel she might be waiting forever.

[want her back]

in regards to last post about ring...

 

Yes, I am 100% sure this is the girl I want in mylife. Yes I am 100% sure I woudl be willing to make the commitment and buy the ring, in fact I have been ring shopping over teh past few weeks.

 

My concern is that I have sort of sneakily brought up the fact I would be willing to buy her a ring now, and she gives me the impression that she wished it didn't have to come to this. Would she really want to marry someone who she had to break up with in order to get what she wanted?

 

I am willing and wantign to marry her, and I'm ready now. But the fact I'm ready now bugs her and she wants to know why I ddin't want it a few months/years ago. I tell her I did but just didn't act on it.

 

Buying her a ring is putting my heart on the line, should she say yes good. But what if she says no, that would probably ruin all chances at reconciling ever again.

 

Several people have advised me to just buy the ring, and I want to. But I'm just scared for her reaction, because even if she said yes it wouldn't be the way she always dreamed it would happen.

[_Ramirez_]

Have you ever tought that this could be her last resort trick to get you engaged and married? that she's playing the all or nothing game with for you to ask her to marry you?

 

If you want her in your life then wait no more and run to her in a cadillac with roses and a nice ring and play romeo. Hire singers and tell her how much you love her and how much you want her in your life.

 

Sorry girls, but I know you can be tricky sometimes and that commitment means soooo much more to you than to us men. Some girls can't take their idea off marriage and its the commitment they want out of their boyfriend to finally be happy in their couple, just to be sure that the one they love will be bound to them for the rest of their life.

 

Run for it and make lots of kids they are so much fun

[milamela]

you say you treated this girl horribly in the past...and thats when she loved you....well that is what shes use to, she obviously doesnt inderstand you being so gracious, and she deserves all the time she wants to decide considering what you did to her.....be different then most guys and actually dont give up i have a feeling she'll come around!