9 years and 4 months down the drain.

[JerkBrokeMe]

stay strong, im rooting for you i am on day 12 of NC, and it's been more than a month since i last saw him. sometimes i break down and cry, but i dont get the urge to contact him, because i know it'll just make things worse. hopefully you get to this stage too, soon.

 

Thank you I've been literally sick over the situation the last couple of days. Did you tell your ex you were going NC or just stop talking to him/accepting his calls? If you wouldn't mind taking a look at the other thread I wrote last night, NC ended yesterday when he called. I would love your input.

 

 

 

I feel a lot of pressure from the responses that I received to tell him not to contact me. I couldn't sleep this morning and wrote him a long letter about why we can't stay in contact or be friends while hysterically crying. I haven't sent him it. I'm thinking about it though. I may post it in the other thread I wrote.

[thewendy]

I can only give you advice based on my situation.

 

When we broke up the first time last year (May 2010), it was doubly hard for me because I really could not imagine surviving without him. Yes, it hurt so much that he told me he didn't love me the same way anymore, but at the time, I was in a panic mostly because I didn't want him out of my life. The life I had lived for the last 7 years was going to end, and I couldn't take it. I didn't know about this forum yet, and I was left on my own to think of a way out of my predicament.

 

I thought that the best solution was to remain friends. In that way we could still hang out and I would retain a sense of normalcy in my life. Being equally ignorant as me (and equally in a panic because HE was also going to lose the normalcy), he agreed with my proposal. We still hung out, we even took up a new sport together, we still went to the movies and had dinner. He would come over to my place to watch tv shows and we would end up being intimate. But he still insisted there was no chance we could be together.

 

About two months later I came accross this forum because I really wanted him back. I read about NC and how that's supposed to be used to heal yourself and came with the bonus of him missing you. Everyone said that going to the friend zone was a bad idea. So I decided to try this whole NC deal. I told him we shouldn't contact each other for a week (yes, I was still too weak to do NC all the way and had to make a compromise with myself). We did NC, but I ended up contacting him first when the week was up. After that, however, I was strong enough to go NIC (not initiating contact), and then I realized it worked, because suddenly he was the one texting me or calling me everyday.

 

We got back together in August 2010. He came back to me and said that he still loved me and we were probably just moving on to the next stage of the relationship, which is why he said that his love was no longer like it was before (i.e. our honeymoon stage was over).

 

Last month we broke up again, because he said he was just hanging on and it wasn't fair to me. By this time he was VERY decided not to talk to me, despite all my begging and crying. Maybe he read this forum too? Haha. The more I analyzed our situation and the more I read through this forum, I realized that NC is the way to go, and it is the only thing I can do to save the relationship, if there is anything worth saving. I have had no urge to contact him because I've been there, done that, and it didn't do us any good. It really helps that he has no intention of contacting me either.

 

It's all just attachment, in my opinion. My ex said that the reason he continued hanging out with me is because he couldn't bear the thought of losing me. He wanted out of the relationship but he didn't want me out of his life, because he's had me for the last 8 years. This doesn't make him bad or selfish, because even I feel that way. That's just the way it is, and the only solution is to be strong and disciplined.

 

Don't contact him. You don't even have to explain in detail why. There is just one reason why you're doing it: it's because HE broke up with you. That is the only reason he needs to hear.

[L1MB0]

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum, and glad I came accross it. In Feb, my Bf of 10 years left me.

We are 11 years age difference, and he is the younger one. He is now the age I was when we first met.

He always told me age does not matter, and throughout our whole relationship I would remind him of our age difference, because it did bother me,. Early on in the in the beginning, I was so unsure

and insecure about our age difference, and he would always reassure me that it didn't matter he loved me anyways, and I always had a feeling that he would leave me, I gave him oppurtunity to leave me many times in the past. I am 46 and he is 35. Well I am one of them rare early menopause women, I started it at the age of 38!

Well as time went on, I would always remind him, that if he leaves me, I will be too old to find someone, and please if you're going to leave do it while I might still have a chance in finding happiness with someone.

He always said "babe I will never leave you" I am not an old looking woman, I look pretty good for my age, but my personality changed when I went through meno pause. I stopped partying, and going to bars, and just stopped everything kinda, I had to desire to go to friends houses and party.

I kind of isolated myself, I don't know why I felt like this, and he started to just go out hand with our friends, who were all couples...etc..

I was completely through it at the age of 44. 2 years ago, my sex drive changed my desire to have sex with him changed, his affection stopped, and we just let it go, and I felt it wasn't even a normal relationship, he completely stopped being affectionate towards me, and I would once in a while reassure him with kisses and hugs, and tell him I loved him, but both of us never initaited sex. It just stopped!

 

We lived together the first year we met, and lived in a few different places. Then due to my mother's health we moved in with her, and stayed here for the past 6 years.

We had no privacy, and just went on with the relationship, well it took it's toll...and ended.

He was a great guy up until 2010. But I was able to tell he wasn't happy, and neither was I. We had so many issues that seemed just to difficult to work out.

His father took sick last month, and we had gotten into fights about trust issues, I gave him his freedom to go out to bars hand with his friends, and do his own things.

One morning when I woke up I heard him typing away on the keyboard, and I woke up and got out of bed, and he closed the chat window really quick, this was a couple months prior to the break up.

I asked him, who are you chatting with, and why did you close the window so fast?

He remained silent, then I asked him, who was it, he then told me just a friend,so I said if it's just a friend why would you close the window so fast, then he told me it's a girl and I know you would get mad. Abd you have to trust me...etc..

So I just told him, well you shouldn't be chatting with single gals...and then I just kinda ignored it, "because I trusted him."

 

So a few months went by, he continued to go hang out, and I stayed home.

He used to ask me to pick him up at the bars, or our friends place after they played darts or cards, and I would because he would be drinking.

Well he asked me one night to pick him up at one of the local bars, so I did, and then I asked him who was all out ect...and asked him if the girl he was

chatting with was out tonight, he said yes, and then I blew up and told him he has to leave, and our relationship is over, because I cannot trust you.

 

We have had many fights like that in the past, where I told him to leave, and we always made up and he would never leave...things would just go back to being the same, in the end it was almost like he was staying with because he felt obligated.

Though, I know I do love him, and I know he loves me.

The break up was a horrible one, and he really tore my heart out.

He ended up moving at his fathers and he told me the day he left that he didn't want to break up, but he has to move to his dad's to help him out.

So I agreed and told him "yes I understand" well a couple days went by, and he moved his stuff out, then he came over and I was getting ready to go somewhere on business, I gave him a birthday card which took me awhile to pick out, and some cash and cologne.

He sat there with a long face, I asked him what was wrong, he said "I don't want this anymore" I said what? he said I am not happy and we should break up. I just looked at him and said, ok, if that is what you want, then he got the rest of stuff and told me, I still want to be friends....

 

Well He ended up leaving and to make a long story short, he devastated me, tore my life apart, now I am here trying to pick up the pieces.

 

2 weeks after he ended our relationship he went and screwed that girl who was seducing him online.

 

Then he lied to me about it, even after I found out.

I just recently was told by him that he did, and she is still in the picture, but he said she is just a friend.

This kills me....I was sooo angry, I didn't know who to turn to, I had no more network of friends that I used to have because of the isolation

I put myself in.

All I do is cry, cry, cry.....we email each other, he says he still loves me, and cries all the time, and he said he thought that in time things would get easier, he said " they are getting worse"

I told him that he betrayed me in the worst way ever, disrespected me, and dragged my name through the mud, my self esteem is 0.

We have 2 dogs, never had any kids, I have a 22 yr old son from a previous relationship, he helped raise my son.

We are still connected through the dogs....

I hate him so much, he knows how much I hate him, and I am doing NC, as we were texting before, and emailing.

He was sending me emails, saying how sorry he was, calling himself a pig, and all the other guilts, after I emailed him some very nasty letters.

This is the first time in 10 years we ever broke up....I am devastated, and he says he is, I don't even know if this relationship is repairable.

But I know I do love him and he loves me.

There is a lot more to this story, but I am telling you the basics, and if anyone knows what I am going through and what he is going through I would like advice, because I have some days that I don't even wanna live, the pain is just so unbearable.

 

But I just started the NC, I want my life back, and I want to be happy.

He was one of those trust worthy men that a woman would put her whole heart in, and was so against cheating, and told me he would give me and himself time to heal before he ever moved on to a relationship, then he turns around and screws a girl, and says they are just friends, even though he says it was a mitake....

This is the most hurt I have ever felt in my entire life. I have been heartbroken before but never this bad.

He was my best friend, my rock, and I loved him so much, and trusted him. He deceived me in the worst way ever.

And he says his is soooo sorry.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks.