Messed up big time

[calisurfer]

I messed up big time Sunday night. My ex showed up at my place unexpected last week, I told him it wasn't a good idea and it was inappropriate since he is still with the girl he left me for. Well Sunday night when I was out with friends he shows up again to the bar I'm at. It wasn't hard for him to find me since my friends and I usually go to this bar pretty much every sunday night. Well he knew exactly what to say, how to act to make me feel comfortable around him, he ended up buying me drinks and we ended up spending the night together. I'm an adult and accept fully what I did. I can't blame it on the alcohol although it did bring my guard down. I feel horrible right now. It's really hard to even post this on here.

 

Part of me feels he just wanted to see me to relieve some guilt and move on. Why else would he be so persistent. I know he's confused and doesnt know what he wants. He even told me he's going to break up with this girl, needs to be single for a while and work on himself. Part of me knows where he's coming from. I know what it's like to deal with your sexuality and come to terms with it. Something he's going through right now.

 

I called him today and told him that it's best if we not talk to each other for at least 6 months till he gets his life together, has his own place and doesn't have a gf and has a decent job too. He doesn't want to let go of me and didn't take it too well.

 

I'm confused right now, and feel horrible for what happened. Anyone ever been in a similar situation and how'd you handle it.

[Ookami83]

I ain't got much experience on relationships, but I been on the other end of that line. It would help a whole lot if he can bring himself to accept it on some level, accept that you two are not contacting each other until you both agree otherwise. That's the key here, and that you keep true to not contacting him. It's always bad if you have to say the same things again, if they are things like those.

 

If it was me, I'd probably go for it and be with him despite the situation, because I'm still learning to say no. But it's a good thing to be able to say no, especially in relationships. It isn't easy. If he confronts you again about this, ask him what he wants to do with his future. You don't have a remote control over him, but you can give him the best options regarding you two. It takes a lot but put your resolve to it and give him two options, one is forgetting you and the other is building a decent life before coming back to you again.

 

You should get over that guilt too. Apologizing from the bottom of your heart to the person you feel guilty for. Yourself, to him or his current gf. I just know that the apologizing and forgiving thing works. Even if other people don't forgive you, you can forgive yourself after learning to be honest about that thing. Give it some time.

[Mauxly]

Let me get this straight, he cheated on you with her, then cheats on her with you?

 

Please please never get back together with him, under any circumstances. Cheating isn't a situational thing, its a moral baseline issue. You'll never be able to trust this guy.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm not sure as to why you feel that he's confused? He left you for her, and is still with her, doesn't that say it all?

 

By telling him that he can contact you in six months is the same as telling him you'll sit on a shelf, and wait for him. I would look at the bigger picture here, which is that fact that he previously cheated on you, and now wants you as a side dish. Be the bigger person, and walk away.

[Karma20]

He probably was just wanting to see you out of guilt, which means that he should have guilt for cheating on his gf. So obviously it backfired in his face and rightfully so. You can't use people's emotions to get what you want and expect to get away with it. As far as him cheating on his gf with you, yes it was wrong but you're taking responsibility for it and told him you can't talk for awhile, so it seems you've learned your lesson.

[SA2000]

Eh, things happen. Just let it go and move on. As long as it isnt a regular thing I would chalk it up as a lesson learned. Dont feel too bad as you arent the one breaking someone else's trust. Just dont let it happen again and youre good.

[rosarioT]

Part of me feels he just wanted to see me to relieve some guilt and move on.

 

Don't think that, that would not help u.... why not think he really wanted to be w u, and u 2 are adults, it happened, hopefully u enjoyed it, and that's that. Don't think much of it, and move forward, try to stay nc from now on. hugs!!!!!

[calisurfer]

I'm going NC again. He really needs to figure things out on his own. I've accepted what happened and I'm moving on. Yeah I feel bad, but it wont happen again. I have to realize that he is a master manipulator and can't fall into his trap again. In the end he's the one who's come to my place a few times and consciously made the effort. Being around him Sunday night, talking, laughing and the way he acted made me think that we were back together again and what happened these last few months was a bad dream. I just cant fall into that trap again.