"EX" what? He shut things down before it became anything. What does he mean?

[egygirl]

I have been friends with this guy for 3 years. We were really cool. We hung out, although I was the only who always seemed to ask him to go out, and not the other way around. But things were relaxed.

 

I always liked him, but didn't think much of it, as I didn't know how he felt. Then he admitted to me that he liked me, and then made it a point to talk to me everyday. We were actually becoming closer, talking to each other in a sweet way, flirting, making plans, etc. I took my time, not too much, a couple of weeks to see where things were headed. So just when we were about to meet up with our new feelings...the Egyptian Revolution happened...and I had to evacuate the country. I am going back at the end of this month. So we had a deal that we would meet face to face and talk about what we would do next and if we would definitely take things further.

 

We have been speaking online sometimes 2 times a day. He is a shy person, but seemed to be opening up. But too my surprise...A LOT....he used to be religious and pious. But now, he started asking me to sleep with him and what would I do sexually, and all of this. It was strange...as he would never say these words to me. But I felt like, it was always about what he wanted and me making him happy, and not the other way around. I told him, I didn't want to be hurt, so I was afraid if I opened up too much too him, once I did...he would give up, and lose interest.

 

Well, that's what seemed to happen. I told him I wasn't going to sleep with him, unless I knew he was serious about me, and wouldn't leave once he got what he wanted. So after that, he started acting strange. Last things he has said to me were.."salam (bye) friend....friend...and I'm serious about that." Why was he all interested before and calling me sweety and honey and all this, now I'm just a friend?! And he is not interested anymore? So he then says, you act like you were my GF...what?! Cause I wasn't interested in playing games?! So now he says, "Salam ex" Ex what?! Then I told him, we are not Ex's cause you shut everything down before it even got to be anything.

 

What do you think he wanted? In the beginning, he seemed to sincerely like me. But then after that, he became an opportunist. He's a private person, doesn't say much. But he did tell me....he would never leave me and that I am heaven sent and he would be my friend no matter what. I just expected he would wait till I went back after about 2 or 3 weeks. I was just shocked.

 

I appreciate your thoughts on this.

[anonymousSAD]

It sounds to me like he was playing with your feelings. Trying to make you trust him, then when he found out you have strong morals and are not willing to be sexual at all if he's not serious about you, he realized he wasn't going to get anything easily. I don't know, but I'd guess that he wanted sex, maybe in a relationship, but wanted it to be a casual easy one, not serious. The idea that you're a serious person and moral probably scared him. Lots of people can pretend to be religious, but the proof shows he's not because he was willing to disrespect you. If he can't even wait 2 or 3 weeks he's certainly not worth it.

[RedDress]

People of the world view dating and courting differently. There are cultural differences. So, while I am about to sterotype, let's talk about Egypt.

 

Egypt is primarily a muslim country. The women of Egypt tend to be more modest and reserved than women of the western world. Western/white women (if that's what you are) are seen as having loose morals... kind of like a "party" girl. Even if that's not what you are and even if you have done nothing to 'prove' that stereotype... you have to put it into context... that's what you are to THEM.

 

So - I'm not surprised that he was crushing on you. And I'm not surprised that he read WAY more into the flirty/flirty talk you were having. To him, you probably WERE courting. And because you are a woman of "loose morals", he expected you to give it up as a result. THEN you started talking about wanting him to be 'serious' about you (to HIM that translates to marriage) and he backed right off. No, he wasn't trying to get with you for the purposes of marriage. You are a "party" girl. He wanted to have a good time (which might translate into a western-style relationship), but he didn't want marriage.

 

He's calling you "ex" because to him you ARE an ex. The way you were speaking to him, in his culture, is not "normal". To him, you WERE acting like his girlfriend because women of Egypt don't act the way you were acting... I suspect he feels like you were misleading him A LOT.

 

You were trying to place a western dating/relationship slant on someone who sees dating/relationships differently.

 

This is a case of cross-cultural miscommunication.