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Life in the Driver's Seat


Seraphim

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Hey LUM!

 

It was kind of freaky because Detroit has several airports. I'm just glad we found the right one. Lol. Yes driving in snow can be freaky if you're not used to it.

 

Yeah this cold is lingering a bit because I have been so busy. I know I've been too busy because I have been missing pieces of time. You know when things start to blur together and it's hard to distinguish different days.

 

I've been having to use my inhalers because it just feels like an elephant sitting on me. GACK !

 

I have felt bad because I haven't been able to get back to you and silver in your journals.

 

One of my friends in real life has expressed missing me too for the past two weeks. But things should go back to normal for now.

 

Not much to catch up on with my thread- I have been working a lot more so I haven't had time to post much...

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Do you ever just feel stupid? You start comparing yourself to others and you just feel stupid.

 

I used to. My therapist had me look in the mirror every day and say "I, luminousone, am intelligent."

 

But the real thing I have come to understand is that intelligence is not what measures a person but it is what a person does with his/her gifts to do good in the world.

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I used to. My therapist had me look in the mirror every day and say "I, luminousone, am intelligent."

 

But the real thing I have come to understand is that intelligence is not what measures a person but it is what a person does with his/her gifts to do good in the world.

Yeah sometimes I just have to think that the way I communicate is very valid as well.

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So it seems my dad's out of the hospital again.

 

However ,my cousin had her nose back in it again. I had trouble getting information from the hospital, because apparently she had been calling saying she was his daughter. every time he's in the hospital I have problems getting information because they have completely no boundaries.

 

I am done ever talking to her.

 

And my dad's out of the hospital today.

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The trouble is LUM , she is my cousin through my mother. My father and her mother cheated together on my mom and her brother. So my dad partially raised this cousin and her 4 siblings. She feels extremely sorry for my dad. My dad tells her lies she tells him lies and they both live in a victims' cheering squad. They are both absolutely bat crap crazy. They were both severely severely abused as children both her and my dad they have no boundaries and both have severe mental disorders. So it's a whole dysfunctional circus. Actually my dad prefers her to me. Because she will listen to his stupid drivel and give him sympathy. He has even gone so far as to say I don't need YOU as my daughter I have other children.

 

This whole thing makes me so angry people have no idea.

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I had forgotten about that complicated relationship.

 

I'm glad you finally got the information eventually.

 

Your dad is probably acting that way because you don't buy in to his lies and you don't enable him. But I'm sure it hurts deeply.

 

Do you know if your father has set up power of attorney to you or your brother?

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I had forgotten about that complicated relationship.

 

I'm glad you finally got the information eventually.

 

Your dad is probably acting that way because you don't buy in to his lies and you don't enable him. But I'm sure it hurts deeply.

 

Do you know if your father has set up power of attorney to you or your brother?

You are right I won't enable him and he hates that.

 

My brother is his power of attorney and executor. I was told I don't matter because I'm a girl and he hates women.

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I am still outraged that I have that thing as a father. What outraged me the most though was when she said well I don't have to deal with him anymore. I said yeah I know no you don't you were just married to the douche bag unfortunately for us that douche bag is our father so we have to deal with it for entire life ,thanks. Thank you for your brilliance in choosing a partner and father for your kids.

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I have already told my cousin before about her lack of boundaries considering my family members. I told my mother I was going to tell her again to stay out of my family's business. And my mother said don't cause a fight between me and my brother or I won't be very happy with you. So I said fine at least I know where your loyalties lay, whatever. Maybe you should join the nut jobs too.

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Seriously people watch who you procreate with. Can lead to a lifetime of annoyance ,misery and anger.

 

I know for the most part 95% of the time I am much better than it used to be. But these situations drive me right over the top. I'm not usually that brutal with my mother but , shyte. When I am seeing red angry you can be pretty sure I'm probably going to be pretty blunt with you. And I am pretty seething angry about the situation right now. My mom says I don't know why you bother getting yourself in an uproar it's never going to change. And I said well mom I'm pretty sure that if your dad did these things to you you'd be pretty pissed off. She says no I just had to watch your dad go off and live with other women for a week and then come back like nothing ever happened. I said mom it's not the same relationship at all. A romantic relationship and a parental relationship do not even equate remotely. You CHOSE to be with the cheating ,slimy abusive douche bag. I didn't have a choice about whether he was my father or not. And also how would you like it if your father told you he didn't need you as a kid and especially not because you're a girl. Wouldn't that just rip you down to your very soul? Your dad never told you that. So you don't even go there. No friggin comparison at all.

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I just love my little Pernie wiggles cat. ( Ernie) he looks like a small version of a black panther. And he has the greenest eyes. When he knows I'm upset you'll come up to me and he'll stick out a paw and keep poking me until pet him. And he'll keep turning his head back and forth to different sides like an owl trying to be endearing. And then he purrs like crazy. And he will give me those half closed loving eyes. Then he will do what I call his happy Ernie dance. He will petty paw my leg and dance up-and-down on it very happy.

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