DigitalSpy Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 Hi, OK I know what alot of people will say about this, and I also know that every situation is different. Since i joined this forum i was normally the one giving advice, but sometimes its good to hear what others have to say about your situation. Anyway, me and my ex broke up over a month ago after over 4 years together. Anyway, I kind of went straight into NC without explaining why I have done it. Ultimately I want to get back with my ex, do you think I should explain to her why I am NC? Or should I just continue regardless... Link to comment
thewendy Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 who broke up with whom? Link to comment
SeaBisquit Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 did you do nc hoping she would miss you? Link to comment
DigitalSpy Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 Not going to lie it wasnt clean cut...but overall I would say that she was more influencial about the break up. I told her I didnt want to talk to her, and just stopped talking (without explination). did you do nc hoping she would miss you? She wanted us to stay in contact and keep close, and I know it was because she wasnt sure about the break up. But I couldnt make a switch to friends, it would hurt too much. So I did NC to try and recover and it certainly has and is working! Please dont think I started NC to win her back, that wasnt my reason. I need to recover whether we get back together or not Link to comment
belezah Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 i don't think you should explain why you went NC unless she asks you directly why you did that silence speaks louder than words, you know, she is probably hearing now in her head everything you ever said to her with regard to your concerns and demands Link to comment
Yostina Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 I quite don't understand. What was the reason for the break up? And who brought it up? Why did you cut her out without any explanation? Link to comment
GotMyLifeBack Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 You want to get back with your ex and the way you say it, she may feel the same way. Wouldn't it be a shame if you miss a window of opportunity because of a misunderstanding? This is my opposition to indiscriminate NC. If you both want to get back together or at least consider the possibility, I think you should touch base with your ex, discuss this even briefly, and then if one or both of you need time alone, do it, and have a tentative plan about when you will talk again. If she straight out dumped you, NC makes sense. But that's not the situation you describe. Link to comment
professorplum Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 Perhaps a little more background might help people to give you more useful advice but if you have made progress in being NC that is good but the very fact that you want to reconcile means at some stage you will need to make the first move? Unless of course you think that might still come from her. You sound in control and clearly not desperate. Do you know how she is feeling / behaving and do you have a long term strategy? Usual advice here is that it is not necessary to give an explanation and that people soon realise that NC has happened.The friends thing is also not considered a good idea so I can understand your reasoning. You say she was more influential in the break up but will she see it that way? At some stage someone will have to break NC if you guys are going to get back together. Link to comment
missedout Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 i think she deserves a explanation for whatever reason. i wish i could sit down calmly and talk to my ex. i would love to be given that chance, for me it's not possible. Link to comment
DigitalSpy Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 Thanks for the responses they have been most helpful. I try to look at my own problems the way I look at other peoples, but sometimes I am so close to the problem that I cant see it clearly myself.... Plus its always hard to follow your own advice lol. Thanks again everyone Link to comment
Yostina Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 Well, I still don't know who broke up with whom, but from what I get, I think you could have a calm honest talk with her to understand each other and what you both want. Like the other posters said, you want her back and she wasn't sure about the break up. I see a possibility for things to work out in a way, so why make it harder when it's okay to have a talk? As long as things aren't well explained, neither of you will be comfortable, if not now, in the long run. So, I believe it's better to take this chance before it's too late. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I think you aren't even sure yourself what happened. In this case, a meet up and a talk to straighten things out would help. Then take it from there. Link to comment
DigitalSpy Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 To be honest, since going NC for a while I have really thought about it....we never really discussed it. She was in a "dark place" with regards to outside problems, and I genuinely feel she was confused about everything. I had barely seen her the weeks leading up to the break up. She closed herself off from family, friends and me. I did however spend the night with her the weekend before but things weren't "normal" and from that we kinda broke up. Maybe it is time to talk to her, get a few bits straightened out and then go NC again after if needed.... I would love to talk to her about it today, but its her birthday and I would hate to spoil it for her especially if I have a chance of getting back together. On a different note, I am very happy with my own life now and the way its going. Without her, don't get me wrong I still want her but I don't feel I need her like I used to Link to comment
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