my life is a waste...((vent))

[under_the_pressure]

right now im in tears and just have alot to say. i was so happy tonight because i would get to talk to my boyfriend on the phone the first time in a week because he has been working but now his job is over..and i called and his brother is over and he cant talk to me, well the way we want to. he can talk to me like im a regular friend but not his girlfriend because we can't tell his brother b/c his brother is really into me and age and all but anyways...i feel totally worthless. because tonight i asked him if we should end it since we haven't been spending much time together and he says no everything will work out and im totally happy and now my heart is in my toes. not to sound conceited but he has a good girlfriend who would do ANYTHING for him and he keeps throwing me away. so i should dump him right?? wrong, i have become so emotionally attached i can't. its so hard. i try but then i go back or lose my courage. and i feel like total **** right now because i feel like my life is a waste because it pretty much is. the thing that has kept me going the last 3 months is him and friends. well lets say im pretty much friendless and he keeps throwing me away and right now i want to pick up the butcher knife and slice my throat. im raged...and im about to break. why can't he understand what he DOES TO ME!! he already knows i suffer from severe depression so lets make it worse?!??!?!?!? sorry.....

 

under

[mahlina]

Hi Under_the_pressure,

 

I was about to respond to your other post, but since the question came up again in a new one, I'll answer in this post. I remember helping you in a thread earlier before. I forget when, but usually do like to keep tabs of what's going on so that I can give the advice that's tailored appropriately to what's going on.

 

What I'm seeing is: 1.) You're putting in the effort. 2.) You're boyfriend seems to have been busy for quite some time. 3.) He knows that you're hurt by this. 4.) It doesn't sound like he's trying to communicate back with you. To sum this all up, on whether or not to break up, you have to truly ask yourself if you're holding onto him has something to do with fear of losing him. Is it that you need to depend on him? If so, then there could be an issue with what some people consider as relationship co-dependency. Enotalone has some great articles on it. Basically, it's when people rely on their partners to fill in a void. But what they need to know is that they don't need to rely on someone else in order to be happy.

 

Perhaps your boyfriend is pulling away because he needs time for himself, but what I see is that for any mature and 'healthy' relationship to occur, both partners need to put in efforts in communication. Love is a 2-way street. thereforeeee, he should be aware of how it's bothering, among other things, and also be there to support you. I think that pushing you away, and neglecting to see how you feel is somewhat rather irresponsible of him as a boyfriend. I don't want to bad-mouth him, but that's just part of 'respecting' what's needed in a relationship.

 

thereforeeee, the choice is truly up to you. The best thing to do right now is to weigh out the pros and cons. List out the things that you look for in a relationship. If he's not touching base with the basic necessities, then perhaps you can try and have him sit down and try to communicate and resolve the problems. If he brushes things away again, then let this be a sign. For any relationship to progress, both partners need to acknowledge each other's feelings. If he's not doing so, then a relationship with him is not worth it.

 

Good luck okay, ~Under~? I hope that all goes well for you. Take care. Mahlina

[under_the_pressure]

Mahlina- thanks for replying. I called him back... at 12:15. And we talked until...well until 1:30. I told him how I felt 'thrown away' sometimes and how our communication level has dropped. He told me that he wasn't raised to treat someone like he owned them and he was sorry he made me feel this way and work is over now so it'll all be okay. I think everything is okay for now...i over react sometimes and suffer from severe depression and bi-polarness. So...I mean i'm not the easiest to please but really he does try. i just had to vent earlier and now i'm in a completely different mood. he told me how he felt about me tonight..and to my surprise it's the way i feel about him. I haven't 'seen' him in about a month and i get to this weekend so i'm thinking that'll help. but thanks...sorry i have so much drama. -lol-

 

under

[i_hate_the_world47]

Dont be sorry for your drama.I know how you feel and i completely agree with mahline.i am glad you are ina better mood and i hope you and your boyfriend work things out.If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.

 

~Meagan~

[jeasonlee1]

i was in almost the exact situation well still am but other than the part of work...im still not sure wut to do