dating a girl recently single (advice please)

[alonealone]

Here is the story.

 

A girlfriend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend of over 2 years. We have known each other for a few months and have always liked each other. She asked me out after they broke up. So we went out. It did not go so well, she is very depressed. So we agreed to hold of dating for at least a month for her to heal. We are going to still see each other casually in the meantime.

 

She is very interested in me, I do believe her. And she knows I am with her.

 

My plan is to give here whatever time she needs and not pressure her at all. I do want this to work out. I believe we would be very good together. I really don't want to mess up. I am afraid I might push too much too soon. I am also afraid I may do too little by giving her this space.

 

I would appreciate any advice on handling this delicate situation.

 

Thanks!

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

homealone this could take a lot longer than a month. If you weren't there it could take her a year or more. But they do say that the only cure for a woman is another woman. So hopefuly it works for the girls too.

 

You need to give her LOTS of time. Are they trying to get back together? Does she want him back? Do they still talk? She has a right to fight for him, and see this through to the bitter end. And you are in dire risk of having a rebound relationship. I think you should give her a lot more than a month. You want her to completely heal and forget about him. She has to be completely over that relationship before she ever truly starts one with you.

 

Now head my warning. Because so many bad things can happen. She can just use you to feel better about herself and dump you because you're a rebound. She will be coming to you because she is lonely, you need to not be the one she comes to because she misses her ex. She needs lots of time alone. She should learn to live alone for awhile. Don't try and help her through this, help her at the end when she is ready. If you help her through this you could easily get burned. Also I think you should have a heart to heart talk with her sometime and tell her: "It shouldn't be any of my business if you talk to your ex, but I think I have a right to know, that's all I ask." Make sure she understands that. Let her know that a friend (me) was hurt really bad becasue of this. Because my girl never told me and 4 months later went back to him. So if he realizes what he did, or he is some comittment-phobic guy or something HE WILL be back.

 

Like I said this relationship needs to die. She needs to be able to live on her own, and then you would EASILY be able to help her forget once and for all about mr whatshisname. Baggage of previous relationships may not seem to be a major factor in contributing to breakups today, but it is serious enough, and frequent enough to earn a place on BETs "Why to relationships fail" poll that I saw yesterday.

 

Good luck.

[angie7349]

I would love to say that I believe that fully but life deals you hands that ypou have to play with your head and heart. I went through a similiar experience about a yr and ahalf age. The differences where that I was in a short relationship and he was in a rebound relationship.We became friends and over time it became extremely odivous to us and those around us that we should be together. We where friends for about 6 months and one night he broke the silence. He asked me if I had a thing for him and I reluctantly said yes(since he was still in his relationship). To make a long story short we waited until he was out of his relationship to get together (note I do not advise telling someone in a relationship that you love them). We where trying with all our might not to hurt anyone and start on a right foot. I am sure plenty of people will boo and hiss me for that but it was right for us. He since then has spoken with the girl and amended those ties and she in turn did the same. It has been a while now and, while I don't recomend rushing, we are engaged and very happy. As a matter of fact ,I thank God every night for him. The long point I am trying to make is that this is the kind of thing you have to play by ear. There are a million things that effect this and the people who can see you and her would have the best solutions for you.How long have you all been friends? Close friends? How long has this been going on (you and Her)? etc,etc You see what I am saying ask a close and honest friend what they think. I think it probably in your best interest to let her have time. So that she can get her head straight, but if it TRULY right then go for it. The truth is that you are that only one that really knows.

[alonealone]

We have been friends for about 4 months. Close to the point that she tells me personal things and likes to hang out. We had nothing "going on" until she broke up with her bf. She is the type who really is not in to the cheating thing. As a matter of fact that is ultimately why they broke up. He cheated on her.

 

It's true, every situation is different. She did say that she has always liked and has been attracted to me. I believe that in time we will get together. But like I said, I don't want to screw anything up. She likes the type of guy who knows what he wants and is not afraid to tell her. So I am afraid if I wait too long I might lose her.

 

Well I guess I'll know when it's time.

 

Thanks for Y'alls help.

[jeasonlee1]

i agree you need to give her a lot of time if you rush into it you might be happy for a while but you will be unsure if she is into you and stuff like that its happenin to me an r relationship might end soon