Blacksheep09 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I have a predicament that is completely out of my control. This may sound like im into myself or something but my best friend has a bf whom she is awaiting his arrival. He is in another country travelling and they plan on being together here when he gets back in a bit... The problem is I guess he said to her that he thought I am hot, and has said comments to her about my "hot body" which she feels reaaaaly insecure about, and she cant get over that he said it. She keeps bringing it up to him getting mad all over again for it... And now she's saying to me: "I don't want to resent you but i do".. and "Ill feel like he's checking you out all the time when he comes here and we have double dates...".. I KEEP telling her to drop it and to try to feel secure in herself but now I feel weird like what am i supposed to do?.... While we were talking about this my other best friend piped in and was like ya I didn't want you to meet "bryan" (a guy she was seeing) because i didnt want him to say your hot... And now that I think about it This has happened to me ALOT... I would never talk about this with anyone because I would feel so STUPID. People would be like oh my god your poor life of being good looking boo hoo... anyways need some advice.. what are peoples opinions on this? Link to comment
Circe Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Well, what would be your opinion if someone came to you with this same predicament? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Well, what would be your opinion if someone came to you with this same predicament? Lol, I was going to ask the same question. Link to comment
Blacksheep09 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 I didn't come on a website and ask this question only to be asked the same question IM ASKING YOU GUYS Link to comment
Circe Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Well sometimes, the best advice is simply to tell the advice seeker to put themselves in an objective position and imagine a friend was coming to them with the same predicament and asking the advice seeker what they would do. After all - noone knows your life and personality and beliefs and feelings like you do, OP. I think what you need is to resolve, for yourself, how you feel about all this. I don't see how anyone elses opinion on this issue can be of use to you - or what anyone here can really say about this. But who knows. Maybe someone will surprise me. Link to comment
Blacksheep09 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Well I guess it's just tricky not knowing the entire back round and all.... but the thing is she's talking to me as though I have an answer or something.... Saying she broke up with him now because she "Can't date someone who want's to %$#@ my friend.".... I have told her to give the guy a break, he didn't think it was a big deal saying it... and that she's blowing it out of proportion.. but at the same time feeling for her because insecurity and having those types of feelings are the worst and they just eat at you even though you tell yourself your being silly.... I guess I would just like some advice on how to deal with friends distancing themselves from me for things I can't change.. I'm not a flirtatious person toward's anyone's bf.. I'm the last person on earth you'd have to 'worry' about leaving your bf alone with... But im so sick and tired of girls not wanting to be my friend or the friends I already have being jealous of me.. It makes me upset when she said she 'resents' me, this girl is my best friend. Link to comment
miami Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 he said to her that he thought I am hot, and has said comments to her about my "hot body" he's checking you out all the time i didnt want him to say your ho now that I think about it This has happened to me ALOT Well, I've convened a special session of ENA, and we all agree we would like to see your picture (preferably in a bikini) as a requisite to help you further. Don't worry, this is all part of the process. Perfectly normal and happens all the time on ENA. So.....your move! Seriously though, it's pretty clear that you are attractive, and all attractive women know they are so. Please don't pretend otherwise, or act surprised that your friends' BF's check you out. What's gone awry here is that your friend's BF is an idiot and verbalized his attraction to the worst possible person- his GF. Clearly, your friend is dating some kind of loser who is probably fantasizing about a possible 3-way. Your friends don't seem to have sufficient confidence in themselves or relationships to bring their SO's anywhere near you, this is THEIR problem not YOURS (unless you've demonstrated yourself to be some kind of sex-starved nympho to your friends). By the way, if your do happen to be the latter, the specially convened ENA committee requires your phone number too. Maybe you need to find prettier friends, or at least ones that don't have such a low opinion of you that they don't want you around their men. Link to comment
Blacksheep09 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Thank you for the first remote helpful thing anyone has said so far haha.. Ya I agree that it's not my problem but * * * * Link to comment
MissMalicious Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Oy. Sounds like your friends are jealous. I'd say that as long as you're not flirting or acting interested in her (or their) boyfriend(s) then it shouldn't be an issue. She should probably get over it. Men are visual anyway, most would do what they could with anything so long as it has a heart beat and a hole. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Your friends don't seem to have sufficient confidence in themselves or relationships to bring their SO's anywhere near you, this is THEIR problem not YOURS (unless you've demonstrated yourself to be some kind of sex-starved nympho to your friends). By the way, if your do happen to be the latter, the specially convened ENA committee requires your phone number too. there's a brutal truth to that. it really isn't your problem. it's a bit unfortunate...because it sounds as though this has the potential to cause some division between you and your friends. pretty crappy situation. have to question the emotional integrity of a man in this position. seems like it wouldn't really fly in most circles. and unless you're intentionally acting as an instigator (which doesn't seem to be the case at all)...what can you do about it? can't fix other peoples' problems. it's noble to try...but you're not a therapist...and you might just lose yourself in the process. maybe you could give your friend some space...and let her come to her own conclusions. you can still be a friend...but you're not accountable for her emotional well-being. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 These guys should learn a little tact and stop going around telling their girlfriends that they think their friend has a "hot body" etc etc. I find it absolutely amazing that anyone even does this. Unbelieveable. You'd expect this from kids aged 12 or 13, but not adult men (not that I know their ages). They need to grow up. That said, as long as you are not encouraging them in any way and stick to your own boyfriend, then there's not much you can do. Link to comment
Yaz Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I agree with Capricorn. I dump any guy that compliments other women around me, in a sexual way like that. It's not on. Totally unacceptable. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Please Blacjsheep, if you are still there, live to read an update on these female friends and their boyfriends. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 You need better friends. It's not on you that they choose men who talk like that. Next time they say it, ask them "what do you want me to do about it?" because there's nothing you can do about it. The issue belongs to them and their bf's. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 This thread is from 2011 ... I do hate it when that happens lol!! Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 This thread is from 2011 ... I do hate it when that happens lol!! Yes, but I see that OP was on ENA yesterday posting updates from her threads of 3 years ago - interesting how things worked out for her on her other threads. I was hoping she might tell us what happened here. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I have some suggestions. a) ensure your friend that nothing will happen between you and her bf. tell her your friendship is more important than flirting with her bf (which you don't do anyways) and b) have you tried dressing less pretty or unattractive on double dates? You can make your friend stand out, and she'll really appreciate you for it. You don't have to do it much, just the first few double dates, because the first impressions people for usually sticks around. By the way, it's been 3 years, what happened in the end? What was the solution? Link to comment
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