Never should have tried to be friends

[kantore]

So I am sitting here thinking of the ex, we had what I felt was a good friendship after a long and very loving relationship. Although I feel it was very one sided, I feel I put in way more than I got out. Anyway about a month or so ago we got into a little bit of a disagreement, and I also found out that she had gotten back together with her ex. She claims we are still friends and the last time we spoke is when I contacted her about two weeks ago. Now I have not heard a peep from this girl and am now thinking that I was way off base to ever think that I could call this person my friend. My only advice to the forum is to walk away and never look back. It would have hurt but I would have healed, now all i have done is prolonged my recovery because I had to open an old wound! At the end of the day it just was not worth my time!!!

[Celadon]

Yeah, kantore, I know what you mean. I stayed friends with my ex, thinking that we knew each other well and cared about each other, so why not? Then he hooks up with someone and we had some tense words about why we broke up in the first place and what he was looking for all this time.

 

Now I feel like he never really appreciated me or "saw" me, and maybe he was even just using me to help him not be lonely. That's pretty depressing.

 

They say the best revenge is to live your life to the max, don't let your ex see that you're bothered. So that's what I plan to do. Good luck to you and thanks for posting.

[Ated]

I wish i did RUN...

 

It's actually been 3 motnhs now that my ex broke up with me, he said that he felt 'restricted' and wanted to 'have fun and party with his mates'.

 

Anywyas, basically, long story short, we broke up cos he chose his pothead friends over me. He feels like i 'mother' him... since i tell him that he should smoke and stuff...

 

So i did NC until now, BUT, i thought that it wouldnt be nice if i just never spoke to his friends (sorta mutual friends). I usually have them blocked on msn, but yesterday i unblocked her and she said to me that my ex was over HER place. I didnt know what to do. i thought i was doing soooo well. IN fact, i was! i concentrate better at school, i got my driver's licence just yesterday.... but i dun understand why 3 months and im still hurting!

 

I wanna run, but i never really got the closure i needed. i dont wanna run cos i wanna show him that im doing better without him. I mean, what do i do when i run into him? say at a mall!? if i just run, then i would appear weak......

[kantore]

I think that what you should do is act cool, and not let him see you upset. Also three months is not that long, I am going on 2 years, the only problem i have is learning to trust again, but that is my problem and is in no way her fault. I hope that helped but feel free to pm me if you need to talk further.

[TrueHeart]

You're exactly right.. I know first hand. Its difficult, but as much of a jerk as my XBF was (Earl)- I am better friends with him now than I was when we were going out. Adam (my XXBF) has lost the sense of friendship, and I cannot trust him with anything. I know that he tries to test me sometimes by throwing a tantrum because he knew I was a very nurturing person-- so he'd take advantage of that...

 

As far as Earl.. we're just good friends.. But it did take a while for us to get this way... There are still lingering feelings, but they're more subtle now that we've been apart for so long.

[rich46]

Thanks for this post kantore. In fact I have just posted a thread in the 'Getting Back Together' forum asking whether you could be friends with your ex. I am completely against this idea, despite my ex saying how she wants us to remain "best friends." I believe it is just a selfish way of easing THEIR pain and making them feel less guilty. So I told her that I wanted No Contact and this sent out a signal that I won't be strung along by her. She knows I love her more than anything, but even I won't prolong the pain by staying friends. As soon as she found another man, I would be put on the back burner again and the healing process would have to start AGAIN.

 

So as you can gather, I'm not in favour of this. If other people are in favour, then good for them and I hope it works out. Not for me though.

[TrueHeart]

Sadly Rich-- thats exactly how it usually goes. You remain friends until one of you gets attached to another and then the relationship changes from friendship to a mild aquaintance--- and the transition is NOT fun at all..

[Ated]

So what you are saying is, becoming friends after a relationship is slim to none?

 

*sigh* why does love hurt!? WHY?!

 

It's depressing that you think you want to spend the rest of ur life with someone then after a few months/years, it all goes down the drain. And you don't even remain friends cos it 'hurts'.

 

ARH>>> >.

[kantore]

Hey I am only expressing my views and what I believe. You need to decide what will work best for you. That is how I came to the conclusions that I did, and you know what? At the end of the day I have to live with the decesions that I make. That is why it is important for YOU to decide what work best for you. Because if you do what I tell you, and YOU and only YOU have to live with that decesion, than you will end up resenting me for makingthe decesion for you. Does this make sense?

 

Secondly love hurts so bad because it has the potential to feel so good. When something so great turns sour, it is going to hurt. But that is why you just should not give your heart to anyone, only those who are deserving. Also know that it is going to hurt again and again, but you have to get back on the horse and try again. Each time it does not work out there is a lesson to learned. You just have to be willing to learn the lesson, and then one day hopefully you find what you are looking for. At that moment you will realize why it was so helpful to be hurt by love in the past. This is just my view but I hope it does help.

kantore

[out_of_context]

I really hate this. I'm sick of letting myself want my first g/f. Sick to death and yet I let my mind entertain the thought, over and over. This summer, i got a week of calls from the first girl i ever went out with. We're in different countries and she was at the time and still is going out with this guy there. The third call out of the seven, she tells me that she had a dream about me last night. Pause for a moment here, will you? And just enjoy the moment frozen in time just before i willingly give up my emotional sanity. "What was the dream about?"...

[Jake212]

kantore is right. I dont know if the friendship thing works or not because when someone you love with all your heart then they tell you they dont love you anymore its hard to see them any other way than your partner. Its only been 1 and a half months for me and I've tried the friendship way and I cant get past the hurt. In time maybe, but I will never look at my ex as someone to "hang" out with, tried it once didnt work. So, you learn what you can and use that knowledge to make the best with the next person.

[Ated]

The thing is... I don't really wanna be friends, cos i KNOW that you are RIGHT. It would never be the same. But, what i want is, that things wouldnt be awkward. Y'know? Like, if we saw each other, just ask how each other are. I mean, I feel as if we're like enemies u know?

 

Anyhow... Seeing as tho, i had the decency to talk to him first AFTER what he put me through, i guess that is ENOUGH for me. I don't need to beg for his friendship! God! Apparently, we "don't connect that way"?? huh??!?! Whats that mean? I think its just an excuse... Pfft! Whatever!

 

Guys are sooo puzzling. He told me I gave him such a headache! Quite the contrary! lol