Does she really love me?

[rmanaudio]

Hi, this is my first post, and my first cry!

 

The girl I speak of is my second serious relationship. The first, well, she cheated on me!

 

My ex-g/f now, i think, ive been with her for 2.5 years off and on over a 5 year span. I've left her a couple of times and she has come back to me saying it will be different this time.

 

The good about her: She is a smart girl, she is the most beautiful girl I've seen so far, same culture, she is a really good girl, someone you can take home and marry, she has morals and values, she is a really really good girl, very inocent!

 

The bad: She is very selfish, she is very materialistic, she doesn't share the same definition of 'love' that i do, she keeps be-littling me, she puts me down, makes me feel like im not a 'man' or worthy of her, she doesn't appreciate the type of guy I am.

 

I just finished my 4th year of engineering at university and am looking for a job. I've never had the money, nor do I have it now, to buy her nice things or take her out to fancy resturants. She always complains that I dont take her here and their and do this and that. She always compares me to her friends boyfriends on what they do for them and what they buy for them. But, still, she keeps coming back, cuz I actually love her, I show her love and she feels it at times. Then, after a few months, she goes back to being materialistic and says if you love me you would buy me this and take me here and their. She is only 22, but at times I find it that she doesn't understand me or what life and love is about.

 

She never talks to me about things....she does what she wants to do, and if never cares about my opinions.

 

2 days ago, she made me feel like crap, and I told her if im not enough for you, than why are you with me? I can't take it anymore. I truly thought she is the one for me, but, I don't know anymore.

 

She wants me to do everything for her. She is not a girl that can stand on her own 2 feet. She refuses to work in the future, and or do house work or take care of kids. She has been spoiled to the max. She wants me to work, to take care of her and the kids (if we have kids).

 

Is this girl the one for me? Do I try to fix this? Can I do better? Will she ever learn?

 

I've cried over this and drank way too much in the past 5 years......i don't know what to do....PLEASE HELP!

[laadied]

I think that you have just answered your own question. You shouldn't stay with someone because they "are the type of girl you can bring home." Do you think that your parents would agree that was so if they knew how she treated you? When you are with someone you have to accept them for the person that they are, not the person you see/want them to be. You don't have to stay with them to accept them. You have to like the person that you are with as well as love them, which are two different things. If she can't be there for you when you are down, then why would you want her around when you're on top? There is a subconscience reason that you haven't been together the whole 5 years. You can only take her in doses and that isn't very healthy for either of you. I could tell you the direction to go, but instead I will ask you a question. If you stay with her and she never changes, can you see yourself being happy the next 20 years?

[rmanaudio]

WOW....You are right. I always thought that way in the back of my head. But, ive always been afraid that I won't find someone like her. But, I guess it's not worth having someone who puts you down so much.

 

No, she is never there for me. She has never complimented me.

 

I think the only reason why I stay with her is; cuz I figured I had the perfect girl: beautiful, smart, and with morals and values....but I guess those things are not enough to make you happy.

 

Everytime she leaves, she goes out with some other guy, and leaves him within 3 months and comes crying back to me, telling me she can't find someone like me. I feel sorry for her, and miss having someone to love, and give us another go. I guess I never learn.

 

Thank you so much for the reply laadied.....I guess it is my time to ask for support from others.

[WishMistress]

It sounds like she is using you as a crutch for if her other relationships don't work out. I would be VERY wary of the spoiled princess type of woman. A relationship has give and takes, plus there is respect and love. From the sounds of things she has very little respect for you. You deserve to be with someone that loves and appreciates you for the person that you are. Good Luck!

[Duderanomi]

Dump her for good. You should never spend your time, even less your life, with someone who belittles you and expects you to run the majority of their life so that they can focus on having fun and being spoiled.

[rmanaudio]

The worse part of it all is....that i've lost respect for myself. She has brainwashed me to think that im useless and that I dont deserve someone like her.

 

It's like ive fallen into deep depression now with low self-estime and no respect for myself.

[rmanaudio]

I have a question:

 

 

She really thinks of herself as a princess and very highly of herself. She tells me that you will never find a girl like me. Someone who is so good and clean, who is as beautiful and perfect. She tells me that your should worship me because of that. Is this right? Does she really have a point and the right mentality?

[OhJeeeez]

Man, you seriously are brainwashed aren't you. I only say that because I've been there. What you need to do is stand up for yourself and stop letting her walk all over you.

 

Some women, I say "SOME WOMEN" actually enjoy the fact that they can walk on you. All the while, some other guy that doesn't let her, is getting all the attention.

 

We've all been walked on, its an important life lesson I think.

 

My advise? Stand up aand be strong. Next time she talks about being a princess, hand her a mirror and walk off. Be strong man!!!!

 

PM me if you need help, serious....

[JonnyG]

Are u serious? dump the fool, no matter what she said, she doesnt sound good enough for u. If she says u wont find anyone better why does she keep coming back to u? Probably because she doesnt think she will find anyone better than u. She sounds a complete selfish cow. And the fact that she says that she cant be bothered to do any housework, and worse still, cant be bothered to look after future children is an absolute joke. She shouldnt be a mum with that attitude. I think its time u left her for good and dont accept her back. She is a total spoilt brat with no idea of the world around her by the sounds of it.

[rmanaudio]

I'm so thankful for your replies. I needed to make sure I was not alone on my decisions and what I believe is love and right in life.

 

I know oneday she will realize what life is about and what real love is.

 

Thank you guys, I really am gonna move on this time. I gave up so many relationships and friendships with other girls for this girl, now I regret it all. I really lost a lot because of her.

 

You guys sugest being single for a bit or getting into another relationship to get over all this?

[OhJeeeez]

Well, if you want the text book response, they say its 1/4 to 1/2 the length of the relationship. But it really depends on you and how well you heal.

 

You've been hurt, there's no doubt about that. So take the time to heal yourself. I'm not saying be by yourself, go out and date. You'll probably meet some fantastic women. That will just solidify your decision to move on from the last girl.

 

Just don't go pouring your heart out to the next girl you think is "perfect". Stand up for yourself and decide not to let them walk on you. The "good" women (alot of them on here ) won't do that to you anyways.

 

Be single, live life for yourself, just be careful and be responsible. Not being responsible often happens right after a long relationship.

 

Take care and good luck man!

[Ated]

hi! u know me!

 

I have read ur post before rmanaudio!

 

I just felt like the other posts already put it in the best words. And my advice woulda been the same anyhow.

 

We are going through this togetehr! I guess we should take everyone's advice and apply it!

 

Hard eh?! We'll hang tight! we got each otehr to keep each other on their feet!

[Ated]

I gave up so many relationships and friendships with other girls for this girl, now I regret it all. I really lost a lot because of her.

 

I did the same thing man! But this is kinda what i learnt:

 

As my friend puts it:

 

"Chicks before d*cKs, Bros before H*e's!"

 

well, boy/girl friends come and go, but friends don't. (true friends anyways)