What do you guys think "Need Time"

[AG]

Hi Everyone,

 

My girlfriend and i have been together for almost 2 years. we are very much in love but the last few weeks things have gotten a little rocky, i started pressuring her and she tried telling me she felt trapped and we should spend a little less time together. (We've spent like almost everyday and every night together for the last 6 months). i didn't listen because i couldn't handle it at the time and i became overlydependent on her.

 

On July 15th we got into a fight about these things and she ended up going to her mom's house. During it we were both real emotional and i was like begging her not to go and telling her i'll change etc... During the fight she did say she wanted this to work and she didn't want to break up with me right then that's why she wanted to go to her moms. she said she needed to to think. i asked her if we were still together and she said ya. i walked her to her car gave her a kiss and told her i really think we can get through this and this will make our realtionship stronger.

 

since then i have gone throgh hell. i haven't spoken to her once. i left her 1 message that was real light just talking about the weekend and then i left another message 7 days lated letting her know i really had time to think about what she said and waht we talked about and for her to get a hold of me when she's ready. That was Sunday and i haven't heard from her. The thing is she is leaving for Europe for 2 weeks on Saturday. so in a sense i really want to hear from her before then. i am confident that she loves me and i think she is worried to talk to me because of how emotional we both were last time.

 

I've done the no contact thing for a couple of weeks (it sucks) and i am thinking about going to her house Thursday and seeing if she is ready to see me. i know this could go either way but i fell like i'm treating this like a breakup even though we haven't. i am confident if i act the way i usually do, calm, relaxed, easy going i can put her at ease. i also feel like i can show her how i've changed due to us being apart. i really do believe now this was a good thing and i see how we got serious real fast and i didn't handle it well. i know if i get the opportunity to talk to her before she goes she will have a better time when she leaves and i will definitely feel better. i feel like i've turned a corner in some respects. i know the only way to work things out is by showing her the guy she fell in love with which is the real me, not the way i acted the last few weeks. On a personal level if she did go to Europe without contacting me i know i would resent her and that would be bad for both of us and doom our relationship, not to mention the fact that if i had to go thru another 2 weeks of this i don't know if i could take it.

 

What do you guys think?

[JuJu]

This doesn't sound good at all AG. I don't think that you should go see her. You tried contacting her, so you did your part. She is the one that left and now it's up to her to make the next move. If you go to see her you might seem too needy and dependent on her. Maybe in this time apart from each other (the past two weeks, while she is in Europe...) you will both find answers, especially her. She is obviously looking for something else and just hope that she finds it.

[AG]

Ya that's true. i know she loves me and i think she is afraid to tell me what she thinks because of how emotional we both were the last time we talked (the fight). it is important i let her know not that i need to talk to her but that it is ok if she needs more time, i want her to know it is ok to talk to me if she wants, there is no need to feel nervous or scared, i know i would be able to put her at ease and get her to open up. we have always been able to talk so freely but i know i have felt nervous about contacting her and i think she feels the same way. i know going over there will put immediate pressure on the situation but i think if i handle it well and act like i always do, like the guy she fell in love with i can at least ease the tension. even if she is not ready to talk i want to let her know that's ok, and she does not have to be scared or worried to talk to me, she can take the time she need and she'll no that i am ready and approachable. i feel like the longer we wait the tension is getting thicker not just on my side but on hers too. i think the no contact thing has helped but it's not like we broke up and i'm trying to win her back, i just want to let her know whatever decision she makes is OK and she can feel free to make it without worrying about a confrontational thing. What do think?

[iceesnowbubble]

Hey, if i were you it sounds like she isnt ready to talk yet, especially because she hasnt responded to your messages, so if i were you I would just give it some time...because showing up to see her may just push her farther away and make you feel more rejected. There is obviously a reason she doesnt want to talk, so just be strong and try and keep up with the no contact thing, she will start to miss you and want to work it out..because you guys arent even broke up at this point, right? Either way, just give it some more time... it's not fair for you to be doing all the work when you two aren't even separated yet... that's not what true love is okay? stick in there...

[JuJu]

I go with what he said. You pretty much just repeated yourself from your first message about her being scared or nervous. If you two always were able to talk freely and everything than she should have no reason to be nervous, unless she is planning on breaking up next you two talk. Maybe her act of being silent is her way of breaking things off. Sorry. I still don't suggest going over there though. Bus do whatever feels right to you.

[yogaboy]

Dont go over there. Ive been in your shoes and your better taking some time away. if you go and still try to contact her she'll think your soft and not independent. Woman like a man with alittle strength. Stay strong. j

[kahlua07]

I'm going through almost the same thing (no contact for a week now and havent seen each other for 2 weeks, since we live almost 2 hrs away now), but he is moving up in a week and we have plans to go to Seattle (its also his bday weekend!) which I hope is still ON. We're not broken up but he wanted space and felt confused, I was being too needy and would pick at everything, but this space has been good and lets me take a step back and focus on myself and what I need to do to be less needy and happier in general. If he doesnt contact me in the next couple of days I have a well-thought out email that I'm sending him just letting him know that I understand why he needed a time out and respect that, the things I know I need to work on and reminded him about the trip and gave him details on when we can check in and when the game is (baseball game, which i paid for as his bday present and we split the hotel bill). I hope he responds and does it in a positive way. I really hope he contacts me first but I doubt it, he has so much on his plate with moving up and finishing college and starting a real career that I might have to instigate a response with that email. Showing up at her place might be a little too much, unless you know you can act completely chill and not put a lot of pressure on her, can you email maybe? I can understand feeling pressure from her leaving for Europe...

[OceanEyes]

i started pressuring her and she tried telling me she felt trapped and we should spend a little less time together.

 

What were you pressuring her about?

 

I'm sorry AG, but if you guys were just supposed to take a little 'break' and give her some freedom and time to think, there wouldn't really be a good reason for her to go this long without at least returning your phone call. There's a good chance that she's been spending a lot of time with friends and family, and that she thinks if she calls you it's going to be the same thing; long, emotionally drawn-out conversations. On the other hand, it doesn't hurt to just call and "say hi", especially when you tell that person that you're still together.

 

Don't go over to her house. If she's not calling you back, it's probably because she isn't ready to confront old issues just yet. She's going to have to come around in her own good time.