i had it all..now its gone....

[tiki]

honestly..i feel kinda silly for doing this because i am rarely ever online (let alone for this purpose...) but i hope it will make someone else feel like they arent alone..that someone out there feels their pain...its just nice to know that its normal to feel so depressed, lonely, and scared sh*tless after a break up...i need advice from anyone...ive asked my friends but its different because they know my ex boyfriend...i just need a different perspective...

 

sorry if this it gonna be long...you dont have to reply..i just need to let it out....i cant keep everything in anymore...

 

He was my highschool sweetheart ...we met end of soph. year. I had straight A's at the time, i was class officer, was a finalist for homecoming queen....knew tons of people, had lots of friends, and was voted "sweetest" for the hall of fame. I had to deal with all the stupid comments people made about him. (he wasn't exactly the homecoming king material). BUt i didnt care....

 

i gave him a chance and he turned out to be such a great person..(everyone started to see him differently after we started going out..all of the sudden everyone knew who he was..i think he liked the attention)

he was sooo sweet and thoughtful....Before i knew it, i fell sooo deep for him....i ended up loving EVERYTHING about him..even his flaws...

 

we were inseperable for two years so he knows me better than anyone else...and vise versa...he was my best friend..my confidante and we knew each other's little stories and the dirty secrets...it was the kind of relationship you know only comes around once. we were so loving, caring, and happy with each other. dont get me wrong, we had our fair share of issues and arguments, but we seemed to work through them just fine...other couples looked up to us and envied our relationship...we were so lucky to have each other...

 

he became my world...i was so happy and so in love with him that i didnt seem to care about everything else around me anymore..we spent every waking hour together...i neglected my family....friends....school....and my social life....

he was all i needed to be happy....that was my first and biggest mistake.

 

last month he decided that he doesnt want to be with me anymore because i need and love him too much...he told me to "get a life"....(can you believe that!)..he told me that i needed to make friends...and do good in college...and get a job..and fix things with my family...i know where he's coming from....and i totally agree...but its so harsh!!...

 

i know he loves and needs me just as much but he makes me feel as if it's wrong for me to love him....like im retarded or something. I must have done something sooo wrong to make him want to leave me just like that...its weird cuz he dumped me a couple dayz after graduation...sometimes i feel like he just used me and took MY WORLD away and called it his....does that make any sense? am i being selfish?

 

i just want things to be the way they were...but im fully aware that its impossible...even if we were to get back together..it would never be the same again...i just miss him...but i know its over....

 

how do i fight the urges to call him?....and how do i convince myself that we wont get back together again one of these days?...i was a great girlfriend but why do i feel like i did something wrong? i hate feeling alone cuz im so used to having him around...how do i deal with that?..

sometimes i feel like im on the verge of going insane with all these questions and i get so scared...please help me...

im soo heart broken....

[Free Lancer]

Hey Tiki

 

That was a long one but I'll reply anyway... You guys really did seem perfect together... but I won't remind you of that...

 

It sounds to me that it would be better if you two stayed apart... and what you said about the fact that if you two got back together things would be different ... that is soooo true.

 

See what it is like without him... Catch up with all your buds... try really hard because you're the one who ditched them for him... and I know he was special... but every girl needs her friends... Just see what it is like without him... it will be a new experience and you will feel better and you will feel invigerated... do something completely out of the ordinary... Go bungee jumping or something cut your hair... SOMETHING DIFFERENT so that you have something else to think about other than your ex....

 

You'll get through it... Just remember don't try to forget him... that will never work... it will hurt less and less...

 

Here is a quote you can think about

We all fall on hard times, just some of us trip more than others

[tiki]

i actually did something out of the "ordinary"..

i got a tattoo two weeks after we broke up...hehehe...it hurt but i must say that getting your heart broken feels so much worst...

i have always wanted one and i finally had the gutts to go and do it. i must admit that this break up is making me feel stronger and more liberated.

i have been spending a lot of time with old and new friends. I've been partying and going out and having a blast! I've been asked out for a date several times by different guyz after we broke up but i just dont feel the need to even try to find someone else right now. ..too soon.

 

A couple of my girlfriends and i went on a road trip to San Diego, Cali last weekend. It was great! I love that city!! I have decided to move there in two years...i need a change...i need my independence...i need to get away from this place...He can keep this town like he kept my "WORLD"...i can definitely go out and find my own...this time i wont let him get to it..

 

I definitely have good and bad days...but whenever i have down time..i cant stop thinking about him..i miss him soo much. There's a difference between having a blast and being happy....

i have a blast without him...but he is what makes me happy..

can anyone relate with me on that?

[heartsick]

Tiki -

 

A few thoughts...take them for what they're worth.

 

Clearly, you're a smart, intelligent, sweet young woman with lots and lots of things going for you. I have no doubt that you are "wise beyond your years" so you probably feel as though everything you need to know, you know right now. You don't. I thought that way once too. Actually, at many times in my life. Even now, as I'm going thru tremendous pain. You have to realize that you have no idea what the future holds for you...and at 19, you especially don't know what the future holds for you. At 19, you can't possibly know that this was 'the love of your life.' ...no matter how much you believe it right now. You just don't. You will change tremendously over the next years as a woman.

 

Second...how do you resist calling him ??? How's this for motivation...Calling him will push him away. NOT calling him is the only chance you will have for getting him back (if that is even what you want at the time). Believe it. It's true. Every post on this board will tell you that. What more motivation do you need ?

 

Last....enjoy yourself. Enjoy your friends and new-found freedom (as it seems you are after only 2 weeks). Enjoy college. Try new things. Be open to everyone you meet. Return kindness to them and share your energetic self fully.

 

Good luck...and keep us posted.

 

Two more things - in your next relationship(s), be careful to try to not repeat the same mistakes (making HIM the center of your life, neglecting your family and friends, etc.). It can be easy to do...then, you just feel worse the next time b/c you think, "Why do I keep making the same mistakes.)

 

Since you're in college, I highly recommend taking advantage of on-campus free therapy. There's no stigma around it, and trust me...even if (by the fall) you are feeling much better, it will help you to understand things and prevent you from making the same mistakes again.

[tiki]

Wow...you're right!

How could I be so sure that he is the "love of my life" when i haven't even lived my life yet.

I guess he's just someone i will never ever forget! And i am pretty sure that i will always love him...but im ok with that. Loving someone is never wrong (although me made me feel as if it was).

In our situation i think i was the "student"....i learned soooo much about being in a relationship and about myself in general. I have forgotten what it is like to be just ME...for two years we were inseperable...there was no him without me..and vise versa...

Its scary to be alone...but im really starting to get used to it...im beginning to appreciate other things in my life. Im doing everything i have always wanted to do...

its exciting....

i miss him a lot but its definitely normal..

i agree about the whole no contact thing. I tried to get him back but that only pushed him further away! So...im just gonna do my own thing..

 

its funny how this website is giving me the support i need to get up on my own two feet again...

its awesome...i can feel myself getting a little better everyday...

 

thankx guyz!!