I feel like I'm nowhere near where I want to be, and lack of motivation.

[gabriella777]

I'm 18 right now. When I was 15,16, if you were to ask me how I saw myself at 18, I'm very far from where I want to be.

 

I recently broke up with my bf and I'm glad I did- I knew he was not the right one, he cheated and our relationship was causing me more harm than good.

I really really miss him though...

I miss not talking to him everyday, I miss having someone to who I can tell everything...

 

I'm in my first year of university and apart from being in a horrible relationship during the first semester, things are going the way I wanted to at all.

I failed one of my subjects, have to resit it in august now... (a week before my exams I caught the bf cheating on me. I found it very hard to study).

 

I've also always thought that I would have a part time job so I can earn my own money. I don't...I have applied to two jobs, no reply.

I still stay at home with my family and I don't feel independent at all. I feel like I SHOULD be independent a bit, I should have a part time job, I should be able to rent a flat or share a flat with someone near uni and I should be able to study and work hard.

 

I tend to feel quite lonely these days too. I've met some people in university but I wouldn't say I've made any proper, good friends. Living an hour away from university doesn't help either (which is another reason why I want to move closer to uni).

 

I'm very interested in what I'm studying in uni (psychology), and I want a career in it, but I feel like I have no motivation to work hard in uni, no motivation to find a job and no motivation to start a life on my own.

I still think about my ex a lot and I want to forget him and get over him very quickly. But I still feel very irritated when I think about the way he treated me.

 

How can I find the lost motivation? And how can I stop thinking about my ex quickly?? (if that's possible...)

 

Sorry for this being so long!

[Solo Pilot]

There's nothing you can do to get yourself to stop about thinking about the ex quickly. You were attached to him and you had history with him. It will just take time. Normally people would say to concentrate on school, hobbies, or whatever, but I'm guessing telling you that won't work.

 

I have no doubt whatsoever that you will get your motivation back. Break-ups are hard especially when it's because of being betrayed by partner a.k.a. his cheating on ya. Luckily there are a lot of people here with good advice who you can talk to when you need support.

[mistawolf]

I've also always thought that I would have a part time job I still stay at home with my family and I don't feel independent at all

 

Your 18 an still living at home, no job but going to school your doing good. You had a bad relationship your 18 dont worry it happens dont worry about it finish school and become something!

[sjjohnson89]

Being a phychology student you should be able to analyze your situation and make positive energy out of it, you will get over your feelings for this ex of yours dont worry but for now you need to concentrate on your studies. I get lonely myself, i dont have any real friends at uni either and just have contacts really for hobbies etc. Psychology is a wonderful subject, dont make yourself regret not making the most of your ability, if you need to outlet this site is great. Im using this site to outlet my inner thoughts and feelings etc, it clears my head as it feels good to get it iff my chest. i dont think theres a quick way to stop thinking about your ex, you just need to go on with your life and not dwell on these thoughts and you will get over him soon. Sitting around thinking about some guy and how it didnt work wont help you motivate yourself, you need to think poitive and balance work/play so your are relieving stress so you can work more efficiently.

[turnera]

It is VERY common for people to go through intense adjustment anxiety/woes in the first year of college. I tried to prepare my DD20 for it, she was expecting it, but it still took a toll on her. (she's also studying psychology!)

 

Try to think logically about what your boyfriend really meant, and what it really meant for what you went through. Are you taking what he did personally? Judging yourself? You shouldn't. I told my DD20 growing up that she should expect to have a lot of boyfriends in high school; that they were for 'trying on' to see what kinds of personalities in guys she's best suited for; that they were for having fun and not in any way defining who SHE is - anything they do is a reflection of THEM only. So, she now has a really good handle on guys. She's turned down several guys because, frankly, she doesn't need a guy just to have a guy in her life. She's got too much going on, too many things to do, to worry about it.

 

Are you an optimist? Start reminding yourself of the entire world of stuff you have to look forward to. Envision yourself in 5 years. Then backtrack to where you are today. Look at the steps that were involved, see that each and every class you take is just a cog in that wheel, a step along the path, and that the JOURNEY of getting there is your life. Enjoy each step, each class, get the most out of them and out of your days at college. Because, believe me, it goes by all too soon, and then you have to WORK, lol!

[gabriella777]

You're right...

I do tend to question myself a lot in general and what happened with my ex affected me really badly.

He was my first and only bf though and we were together for 16 months, and I had taken that relationship quite seriously towards the end. (naive of me, I know...)

 

I used to be an optimist, but I've become quite a pessimist now. I guess you could say I'm not really myself these days at all

 

Thanks for the advice though

[TidalWave]

Les Brown.. on youtube. Go.

[gabriella777]

Les Brown.. on youtube. Go.

 

Thanks. I saw him, he's actually really good!